“When you stay upset on someone, you give your emotional control to that person every time you think about her. You’re allowing that person to control your emotions from a distance. By not forgiving her, you’re allowing that person to control your emotional life as if she would be with you in that moment and the situation is happening all over again.” – Brian Tracy
This paragraph has put some perspective in my thoughts. I’ve never thought about it this way. Isn’t it strange how someone can control our emotional state without even being there? And it’s not even that person who controls it. It’s our own representation of that person which reduces that person to some temporary behavior that got us mad in the first place. And actually, it’s not even about someone else. It’s about our response to our interpretation of a situation.
“Holding a grudge is like letting somebody just live inside your head rent-free.” – Royce Da 5’9”
When I remember something that got me mad and I’m sensing that I’m getting mad again, I’m “injecting” to myself the following thought: “Everybody has the right to an opinion. The fact that I’m mad has nothing to do with the other and it’s in my control how I choose to feel about this. I can either try to understand his/hers point of view or I can stay mad which is not helpful”. And it really helps. The moment I take the responsibility of my own emotional state from the others and I’m placing it to myself with this method, I’m calming down.
There are times when we’re getting mad because we can’t control the opinion other people have and this lack of control creates a feeling of insecurity. Shifting the responsibility also shifts the control back to us and that’s why we can get calmer.
How many grudges you have hidden in yourselves? Ask for rent or evacuate them.