We give what we want to receive

the way we dress   Today I came across this idea that got stuck in my head: we give what we want to receive. The problem with this is that there are times when it creates more damage instead of doing good. Why? Because people are different and they have different needs.

   It manifests the most when there is some sort of carrying relationship between the giver and the receiver. Here is an example: imagine that a husband comes home from work and he’s a little pissed for what happened there during the day. His wife notices that he’s upset and starts to ask what happened and why he is mad because for her this is a way to show her caring. There are times when men don’t want to talk about their problems so he is not answering. Maybe he tries to calm down so he can forget what happened. Also, he doesn’t want to transfer the problem to his wife. For him, it’s a symbol of caring. The wife takes his silence as an ignoring sign and she gets mad so she either expresses that anger or she gets into a silent corner as well. She thinks that her husband doesn’t care about her. As you can see, they both care about each other, but they have different ways to show it.

   Each of those two from my example are offering their way of caring. That’s how they would like to be treated… that’s what they would like to receive from their partner, but they’re getting stuck in their own way because of the lack of perspective. When we would like to give something to others, we should think about what they would like to receive. Sometimes they would like the same thing as we do, but sometimes they don’t and our “gifts” might create conflicts…

   How often do you consider other people’s needs when you’re the giver?


25 thoughts on “We give what we want to receive

  1. This is so much true. Fact is we all have a way of showing how we care, sometimes its not subtle but also we should always take into consideration what is going on in the head of the other party

  2. Such a great point!! I think it comes down to love languages as well. Knowing how someone loves and desires to be loved is key. Thanks for this post as it has resonated and reminded me of something!

  3. I’d like to think that I give based on needs, and often without expectations in return. We give to give, not to get. The gift is the knowledge of doing something for others

    1. Yes, I agree. As long as we give based on what that person needs without expecting anything in return, we’re doing the right thing.

  4. Part of considering people’s needs is understanding the person and not making it about you. If the wife turned and got upset over the silence she made the issue about her failing to understand what her husband really needed.

    1. That’s true. And that’s exactly the point here. Sometimes we’re not even trying to understand what someone needs. We assume what that person needs and we act based on that assumption, which might be wrong if is based on our own needs.

  5. I try (key word there) to be aware of what the other person’s preferences are. Within reason – I’m not going to enable someone being a victim of their own actions. But, hey, if husband wants space when he gets home, he gets it. If he wants to talk, I listen. I guess knowing the other person is the trick.

    1. I think that too. As long as we are able to understand and accept the fact that the other person is a different individual with different needs, we are on the right track.

  6. I take care of my husband very much and when he is busy with some work I don’t disturb him. I feel the space I give him is one of the good gift I give him.
    Because every one should have their Me time and I get my ME time.

  7. Thanks for following. My take on your post: open communication instead of trying to guess what the silence means-especially when one brings anger into the home-solves the problem. You would then both receive what you needed.

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