In the pursuit of a deeper self-knowledge I encountered this concern about how I decided (consciously or unconsciously) that my actions and my behavior are the most adequate ones. From all the possible ways we could behave, why we chose this?
It is interesting how the same thought can trigger two different reactions and that’s because of the core beliefs each of us have. For example, the thought I think he called me a bad word can trigger sadness for one person and anger for another one. So the first one would orient his head towards the ground and ignore the teller, while the second person would have an adrenaline rush and maybe even say a few words to that person.
We act based on our core beliefs which decide what kind of thoughts do we have. This chain inside our head comes up with the best outcome in that particular moment regardless if it’s really the most appropriate one. Actually, that’s why we now regret some actions we did in the past and we’re wondering what the f*ck we were thinking about. It’s because at that point we unconsciously decided that it was the best thing we could do based on the knowledge we had at that point. Today we’re wiser and we see something else when we think about those moments. That’s a sign that we’re evolving.
Based on this, even if now I think these words I chose to write this post are the best I could come up with at this point, but I’m sure that one month from now I would read this and I would think that it’s sh*tty writing.
Anyway, what are your insights about this?
I can agree and disagree. This indicates that some thought is put into so of our actions. Sometimes, this is true. We might feel we’re taking appropriate action, but in retrospect we didn’t. But, a lot of the time, it’s emotion without logic, not thought that rules us. Even the example that you used, reacting to name calling with anger or sadness, is an emotional reaction. There’s no determination of adequacy or appropriateness here, just knee-jerk. At least, that’s what I think. In those times, we usually don’t stop to consider what’s best and I think that’s where the majority of regret comes from.
Thank you for this! The idea is not about taking the best action consciously. Of course we’re going to regret some things because now we know better that at that point. Maybe that reactive emotion stopped us to think deeper which now we can do it in the lack of that emotion and that’s why we can find better alternatives. This comment is the best I can do in this moment, but if I’m going to review it in half an hour, I might find new ideas.
I’ll be waiting!
Hi there- really liked this post & the shared view points. We’re all linked by the commonality of our humanity aren’t we? We can all learn from one another. In honesty I’ve learned more about myself in Relationship with Jesus than I ever learned in life on my own, regardless the ‘nfluencers’. Few Words of Wisdom that impacted me personally & may help someone else, especially as we tend to live outwardly as opposed from inwardly: “Its not what happens, it’s how I choose to respond: others can only influence me to the degree I allow: other’s behavior is about them, not a commentary about me (and vice-versa!): when you know better, do better: be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger..because surely we know by now words are containers of power. They absolutely can break people– or heal them. It really is about choices and who we are choosing to be(come). We get to choose out of free will but we don’t get to control the consequences, we’ll have to live with those. Much of where regret comes from, no? Thanks for the opportunity to share. God bless!
Yes, I totally agree with you! We cannot control the consequences, only the responses we have to those consequences. Thank you so much for taking your time to share your thoughts!
I agree, I think what we feel/think about ourselves makes us decide accordingly. I can honestly say that a part of why I overthink things ties back to the raining thought of my dad saying “what were you thinking, Chanita you’re not thinking,” often times when I got in trouble. I know he was just being a parent but to this day I remember always trying to think of the decision that would please my parents so they knew I thought it through and sometimes that whole process was so stressful that I just ultimately acted on whatever and it was like I did all that thinking just to do something that didn’t make sense because I couldn’t think clearly. Idk if that makes any sense but I could go on and on about this lol may even write a post about it
Actually it does. And probably your father’s saying was the best he could do right in that moment.
Your post often times make me dig really deep into the crevices of my mind and discover things about myself that have really been helpful in my growth lately…just thought I would share that with you
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! I try to share as much as I can about the insights I find. I’m really happy to see that this help you!
This was a very fascinating read. It challenged me to think on this topic long and hard. I’m still thinking on it as we speak.
I’m glad you found it helpful!
The name calling… Our responses are based on who it is, mostly. How we respond to strangers, will be completely different than how we respond to common acquaintances. I’ve learned not to speak on or give advice on sensitive matters, with certain people because of how they view me or the type of relationship we have. Offense or a sense of disappointment will be taken when it’s someone that person does/does not care for or admire. One of the primary reasons it is unethical to counsel family/friends. Once they’ve identified you’ve observed a PROBLEM with them, they’re going to carry themselves differently around you. We all don’t take criticism well and words from certain people to hurt worst that “the stick and stones” lie we were told to as kids. But I do agree 110% with you about core values. It always comes back to our life experiences. What we’ve endured is what shapes our morals values, good or bad.
I totally agree! Thank you for taking your time to share this!
Always had similar view point on regrets. At almost all instant, we consciously try to choose the best response to any given trigger stimuli. There are almost always elements that predict the outcome of events that are out of our controls as well (pretty much everything other than our response) so if things turn bad and we keep blaming ourselves, it doesn’t make sense.
I believe every single human being selects the best response within their thinking capacity, always.
It’s funny though how brain decides to inject different proportions of different hormones are different situations for various persons…
I love your last phrase. Yes, it is funny and very interesting.
I really like the part where you talk about two people can have completed different reactions to being cussed out. I can relate and have seen/acted on it. I was a cryer for sure. If someone said something bad to me I absolutely believed them because it matched everything I was always told. Anyway we all have regrets even I wished I behaved differently at time, but I don’t sit and think about how I messed everything up anymore or I should have done better. I know that mindset is a trap and one I had to escape. I mess up, I forgive myself and if I can fix it with those I hurt then I do and other than that we would worry/beat ourselves up for nothing.
Thank you for sharing this! How did you manage to stop being a cryer?
I actually had to cry even more, I had to feel it to heal it. Once I healed and reprogrammed my brain then what was said no longer hurt because I knew it was no longer true.
So it all starts with a strong decision. And maybe with a strong level of pain too.
If the pain wouldn’t have forced me to change I honestly don’t think I would have believed change was possible.
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I agree with everything you said on this post. People are constantly evolving as knowledge and experiences are acquired everyday. We need to strive hard everyday to be the best version’s of us. This is an interesting read!
I love the fact that you enjoyed it! Yes, I do also believe that we need to strive today to be better than yesterday.
Exactly 🙂