I would try to live more in the moment. I’ve spent too much time thinking about the past or about the future. Yes, they’re both important, but I would spend more time doing things for my future (for today) instead of thinking so much about it. I’ve applied the 80/20 rule and I’m applying it now also, but the other way around. I used to spend 80% of my time thinking about the future and 20% of my time living the present. Now I try to spend 80% of my time living the present and 20% of my time thinking about the future. I wish I knew this earlier in life so that’s what I would change.
I would change my impulse to react in an irrational manner. It hurts the people I love when I scream or get angry when they give love or advice. I’m glad my meds are toning it down now, but I still have work to do.
Definitely my borderline personality disorder is a factor, but also not knowing how to cope with stress correctly. It gets better when I find productive ways like art or writing to get my emotions out. 😁
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Art or writing are some of the best ways to cope with stress so i believe you’re using great methods! Having a personal journal helps too.
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I would have it so that I knew that I have BPD a lot sooner in my life and starting DBT back the do I would have better relationships now.
I think that the second one is a broader view which includes the first one, but I totally agree with you. Some of the biggest problems we face in life are because people cannot understand that other people are different.
I would change the tone of my speaking. I am not fake and normally tell frankly what I need to tell on people’s faces and that makes them think I’m rude, arrogant and cruel. Maybe if I could tone down a bit I think people would like me more. Just a thought while I’m happy as I am.
That’s interesting. If the tone is the same with when you speak normally, I believe that’s not the main thing. It’s probably more about the fact that people tend to take things too personally because of the ego.
The only thing I want to change, and working in changing, is my response to someone when I’m irritated by their words/actions. I want to be more gentle.
That requires some work. An internal dialog is probably required before that reaction is expressed. And it’s easier to be said than done due to the emotional implication.
I would change my horrible ‘habit’ of overthinking and going into an anxious spiral. It’s something I deal with every day, but have learned to cope with it better so I am thankful for that.
Mostly by mantras and reminding myself that I am overreacting and that the situation is much smaller than I am making it to be! Just turning my mindset around helps a lot. I write about it a lot too. It helps me think it through and realize that my thoughts are a bit irrational sometimes.
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Writing can bring some perspective that pure raw mind can’t. That’s why a journal can be so powerful…
As DM already mentioned — I have to live in the present and worry less about the past. There are no time machines and I have to find a way to process my grief and trauma and get past it.
This is powerful… too powerful. I don’t know what to say about this besides the obvious things that would imply for you to try to get over it, but that’s not how it works. Even thought I know it’s painful, maybe imagining how the night would go if you spent that night with your mom can help. Imagine every little detail and every word you would say. Say everything and do anything you would have done in that night if you had spend it at home.
No amount of grief can change the past, and no amount of anxiety will change the present. We just live in now and anticipate the future. That’s the definition of living.
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Yes, it is, but pain and anxiety messes with that definition.
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Yes, I’ve done something similar to that. Thank you for your kind words.
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After you did that, have you felt anything different? Did it help?
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I don’t know that any re-imagining activities helped me. Talking about it didn’t shift it much either. However, writing/journaling or in this instance blogging, is very powerful for me. Having seen 2 of our girls at the age of 17 helped. Digging through our shared past with my sister helps. Different things work for different people and its important to keep trying new ways of coming to terms with the hurts of our pasts.
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Awesome!
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To stop over thinking. Sometimes, I get so tired, like literally drained from over thinking. Especially after interacting with people.
Shoulda, coulda, woulda…everytime, I play scenarios over of possible comments I should’ve said or mentioned.
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I see. That appears when you interact with anyone or only with people you care about?
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People I don’t know. I may have just met them. General conversation
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I guess it happens because you want to be liked and because you would like for people to make the most appropriate impression of you because you know you’re more than they could see.
I’d install a volume button in the sides of my head. When I can’t handle any more of my girls fighting, I’ll just turn down the volume haha. #nomoreheadaches
I would push my parents for homeschooling. Everything i learned in school was basically from the textbooks, so social anxiety would not be as bad as it is… Oh basically i’d erase mental illness from my brain.
Wow! what would I change your question has bite but that change will bite back we are who we are right now based on the choices we’ve already made, the results and consequences of the same? Now, this change will you be the same, will it cause more pain, or should I wait 10 years and let you ask it again. So just where does it end I think I will ponder this my friend before the redo begins
How about things/choices you didn’t have the chance to make and they were made for you (for example, the city you were born)? Of course, you wouldn’t be the same as you are now. It’s interesting you mentioned “more pain”. Does that mean you consider your life so far painful or is it something specific you were thinking about?
No nothing specific I use pain as an metaphor in the pains of life for it is the trials in our life that really define us as for my life I’ve had more blessings than I’ve earned or deserve from some of my regrettable action in the past
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I find it interesting how we can suffer so much in a particular situation, but after a while, when we look in the past at the same situations, we can see them with different eyes and we can realize how much good did those brought into our lives.
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Yes you can’t see it when you are doing the woo is me moment it only after when being objective and honest with yourself can get you there
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Debt would magically disappear.
or.
Having a reliable stay at home job that I can do anywhere in the world.
There are good days and some that may not be as good but it is all part of life, I am still able to follow my dreams, my heart leading the way, so I will change nothing…. 🙂
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming; “Wow! What a ride!” Hunter S. Thompson
I would change my decision-making thought process! Lol I haven’t always made the best decisions, and some of them cost me dearly in certain areas of my life. The reason is, it affected and hurt some folks I didn’t intend to and feel I may have lost out on some wonderful opportunities….I’m talking about relationships and my career. I am still pretty indecisive and need to learn how to make a decision and STICK TO IT! 🙂
I would try to live more in the moment. I’ve spent too much time thinking about the past or about the future. Yes, they’re both important, but I would spend more time doing things for my future (for today) instead of thinking so much about it. I’ve applied the 80/20 rule and I’m applying it now also, but the other way around. I used to spend 80% of my time thinking about the future and 20% of my time living the present. Now I try to spend 80% of my time living the present and 20% of my time thinking about the future. I wish I knew this earlier in life so that’s what I would change.
I would change my impulse to react in an irrational manner. It hurts the people I love when I scream or get angry when they give love or advice. I’m glad my meds are toning it down now, but I still have work to do.
There is indeed lots of work. Where do you think this impulse comes from?
Definitely my borderline personality disorder is a factor, but also not knowing how to cope with stress correctly. It gets better when I find productive ways like art or writing to get my emotions out. 😁
Art or writing are some of the best ways to cope with stress so i believe you’re using great methods! Having a personal journal helps too.
I would have it so that I knew that I have BPD a lot sooner in my life and starting DBT back the do I would have better relationships now.
I see… that must have been tough for you.
Yes, but, at least it all makes sense now. So, there’s a silver lining.
I wish I knew about BPD sooner too, but it does help to know about it finally and can be treated with work.
You’re right! 😊
I’m torn between people understanding mental illness isn’t a choice, and people accepting other people as they are. Maybe it’s the same thing?
I think that the second one is a broader view which includes the first one, but I totally agree with you. Some of the biggest problems we face in life are because people cannot understand that other people are different.
I would change the tone of my speaking. I am not fake and normally tell frankly what I need to tell on people’s faces and that makes them think I’m rude, arrogant and cruel. Maybe if I could tone down a bit I think people would like me more. Just a thought while I’m happy as I am.
That’s interesting. If the tone is the same with when you speak normally, I believe that’s not the main thing. It’s probably more about the fact that people tend to take things too personally because of the ego.
I am confused. But at the end of the day I’m only concerned with the people who matter to me and they are happy with me and so am I. Thank you.
Wwz
Umm, that was an accidental post. 😂
I also Wwz 🤣
We all Wwz from time to time :))
😂❤️
😂
The only thing I want to change, and working in changing, is my response to someone when I’m irritated by their words/actions. I want to be more gentle.
That requires some work. An internal dialog is probably required before that reaction is expressed. And it’s easier to be said than done due to the emotional implication.
Yep
I would change my horrible ‘habit’ of overthinking and going into an anxious spiral. It’s something I deal with every day, but have learned to cope with it better so I am thankful for that.
Awesome! How did you learn to cope with it?
Mostly by mantras and reminding myself that I am overreacting and that the situation is much smaller than I am making it to be! Just turning my mindset around helps a lot. I write about it a lot too. It helps me think it through and realize that my thoughts are a bit irrational sometimes.
Writing can bring some perspective that pure raw mind can’t. That’s why a journal can be so powerful…
If I had a time machine, I could change one night and the lifetime of guilt I have felt about it. Had I known she would die, I would have stayed with her that night. I wrote a blog about it today:
https://docmacleodsmusings.com/2018/09/11/mom-would-have-been-43-on-august-8-that-year/
As DM already mentioned — I have to live in the present and worry less about the past. There are no time machines and I have to find a way to process my grief and trauma and get past it.
This is powerful… too powerful. I don’t know what to say about this besides the obvious things that would imply for you to try to get over it, but that’s not how it works. Even thought I know it’s painful, maybe imagining how the night would go if you spent that night with your mom can help. Imagine every little detail and every word you would say. Say everything and do anything you would have done in that night if you had spend it at home.
No amount of grief can change the past, and no amount of anxiety will change the present. We just live in now and anticipate the future. That’s the definition of living.
Yes, it is, but pain and anxiety messes with that definition.
Yes, I’ve done something similar to that. Thank you for your kind words.
After you did that, have you felt anything different? Did it help?
I don’t know that any re-imagining activities helped me. Talking about it didn’t shift it much either. However, writing/journaling or in this instance blogging, is very powerful for me. Having seen 2 of our girls at the age of 17 helped. Digging through our shared past with my sister helps. Different things work for different people and its important to keep trying new ways of coming to terms with the hurts of our pasts.
Awesome!
To stop over thinking. Sometimes, I get so tired, like literally drained from over thinking. Especially after interacting with people.
What are the over-thinking topics that drain you?
Shoulda, coulda, woulda…everytime, I play scenarios over of possible comments I should’ve said or mentioned.
I see. That appears when you interact with anyone or only with people you care about?
People I don’t know. I may have just met them. General conversation
I guess it happens because you want to be liked and because you would like for people to make the most appropriate impression of you because you know you’re more than they could see.
True.
Can definitely relate!
I’d install a volume button in the sides of my head. When I can’t handle any more of my girls fighting, I’ll just turn down the volume haha. #nomoreheadaches
That sounds like a great idea :))
Learning to live in the moment. I worry too much about the future.
I know that feeling. For me it helped to think about the future from a planning perspective and I work today to improve my future.
I would push my parents for homeschooling. Everything i learned in school was basically from the textbooks, so social anxiety would not be as bad as it is… Oh basically i’d erase mental illness from my brain.
So social anxiety is the main problem you face?
Yap
The size of my di…bank account
:))))
Wow! what would I change your question has bite but that change will bite back we are who we are right now based on the choices we’ve already made, the results and consequences of the same? Now, this change will you be the same, will it cause more pain, or should I wait 10 years and let you ask it again. So just where does it end I think I will ponder this my friend before the redo begins
How about things/choices you didn’t have the chance to make and they were made for you (for example, the city you were born)? Of course, you wouldn’t be the same as you are now. It’s interesting you mentioned “more pain”. Does that mean you consider your life so far painful or is it something specific you were thinking about?
No nothing specific I use pain as an metaphor in the pains of life for it is the trials in our life that really define us as for my life I’ve had more blessings than I’ve earned or deserve from some of my regrettable action in the past
I find it interesting how we can suffer so much in a particular situation, but after a while, when we look in the past at the same situations, we can see them with different eyes and we can realize how much good did those brought into our lives.
Yes you can’t see it when you are doing the woo is me moment it only after when being objective and honest with yourself can get you there
Debt would magically disappear.
or.
Having a reliable stay at home job that I can do anywhere in the world.
Having a stay at home job can be awesome (I think)! I hope I’ll find out one day 🙂
I would want to be a better friend.
Can you do it from now on or is it too late?
I would stop being such a procrastinator and just get on with it already. 😃
Have you read the book The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins?
No, I haven’t.
I’ve mentioned it in my post -> https://pointlessoverthinking.wordpress.com/2018/06/14/why-do-we-keep-procrastinating/
Really? I just did a post too on procrastination and it has links to Mel’s video
Awesome! 😀
Ahhhhh, I see. Thank you!
My pleasure! Let me know if you find it useful 🙂
I will.
My circle of influence because I need to elevate in a lot of areas
Fortunately it’s never too late 🙂
I would change my commute
Is it that bad?
Tonight with two screaming kids it was!
I can only imagine…
Decision making. And perhaps first go back to one past class in my uni days and “decide to stand and leave an exam now”… as if it was back then 😂
How important was that exam?
It affected my final grades. An unforgettable example decades later, when I now write few days ago on procrastination… https://privatelymeblog.com/2018/09/11/how-one-deadly-shot-against-procrastination-made-a-big-difference/
There are good days and some that may not be as good but it is all part of life, I am still able to follow my dreams, my heart leading the way, so I will change nothing…. 🙂
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming; “Wow! What a ride!” Hunter S. Thompson
Well, we cannot have day without night, can we?
This is true…how we live and deal with the days and nights define who we are and who we may become… 🙂
“Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come”.
At this point in life i would like to change a bit of my past. Some stupid decisions i made back then really need to be changed. 😓
How different would your life be if you could do that?
A lot different. I would have been a lot more happy.
I would like not to be so involved into some pointless actions, such as trying to please most of people around me.
I guess that there are times when we cannot avoid that…
I would change my decision-making thought process! Lol I haven’t always made the best decisions, and some of them cost me dearly in certain areas of my life. The reason is, it affected and hurt some folks I didn’t intend to and feel I may have lost out on some wonderful opportunities….I’m talking about relationships and my career. I am still pretty indecisive and need to learn how to make a decision and STICK TO IT! 🙂