Let me tell you a bit more about me. Apart from writing a bunch of stuff on this blog and my own and doing some netflix and chill whilst trying to get my studies together, I somehow seem to enjoy to take the time to understand the problems people in this world, have.
And if I could confidently say, which problem people seem to struggle with most, I’d say it’s trust in their relationships.
Most people I know personally, or not, all seem to have some sort of issue with trusting their partner. No, I’m not talking about mature 30 and 40-yearolds. I’m talking about 20-year-olds. The millennials.
I saw a text from Ashley on his phone today, Should I play hard-to-get?, What if he cheats on me? Blah blah blah.
Look, the point is that when you can’t trust your partner, your relationship doesn’t actually mean anything. Period.
… and the reasons why you can’t trust your partner are either due to one of two very simple reasons;
- Either you think they’re a liar
- Or you think they can’t control their impulses
That’s basically it.
So after ripping open some old wounds and bad memories in you, I’d like to share two ways that seem to be the antidote against either one of the two above mentioned reasons of why trust may be an issue for you.
#1 Build a track record
The goal of a track record is to make you trustworthy. Not reliable. But trustworthy. You’re reliable when you TELL your partner you will do X. You become trustworthy when you SHOW your partner you actually do X. See the difference? 😉
To build a track-record, three things are needed… consistency, time, and patience. To make us trustworthy we have to consistently DO the things we talk about. No, doing it once, will not allow a consistent behavioral trend to be seen. Doing it many times, does. And to do it many times, requires time and patience.
Imagine trust like a china plate. Once it’s broken, it can be glued back together. Yet the more often it breaks, the harder it becomes to glue the pieces back together and the more effort it requires. Eventually, it becomes impossible.
The track record, is the glue.
#2 Lean into radical honesty
The other day, my girlfriend got herself ready for a night out. I told her I was going to take her out for a nice dinner and in all excitement she tried to figure out the best dress she could wear that night. After waiting a solid two hours, she asked me what I thought.
I looked up and thought for a minute and then kindly told her baby, you look beautfiul, but please put on another dress. It doesn’t look good on you.
After a loud *asshole!* she marched back into the bathroom and changed.
Most people would call me an idiot for telling my girlfriend I didn’t like her dress. I find it funny how people believe that avoiding to tell others their honest opinion, makes them more altruistic or caring towards someone.
The reason I told her I didn’t like her dress, was simply because I value honesty more than feeling good.
You see, no one trusts a yes-man. Somebody who always says yes to everything, either has bad taste, or may just be a liar after all. It’s that simple. A great way I’ve learned to build up trust, is to be as honest as you can. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner your honest opinion and thoughts. They deserve to know. We all do.
Thanks for reading,
***BEFORE YOU GO!!!***
This is the part of my article where I scream wait! there is more! Because, really, there is more!
If you enjoy what I write about or occassionaly laugh about some of my poopy jokes, then I have great news for you! I recently wrote an article all on vulnerability, self-respect, and attracting the right people through boldness I think you might really enjoy.
…even my mum thought it was pretty neat. And that means something!
So check it out and let me know what you think of it! 🙂
Speak to you guys next week! 🙂