How is our ego influencing the way we see the world? Is this ego a way for us to be happier? If we think about ego as the desire to maintain and enhance favourable views of oneself (views coming both from outside and from inside the self), I believe it does influence the world we see because it creates a hunger of being right.
Actually, being right has nothing to do with be seen in a favourable view, even though we somehow believe that. We want to be right all the time. We feel good when we feel right even though this might mean for us to try to prove other people wrong. Whenever we argue with someone, we cannot be both right, or at least, that’s how we see things. The fact that we are right it feeds our ego although the argue itself does more harm than good.
We might be right from our perspective, but others can also be right from their perspective. This isn’t about truth, it’s about opinions. When we think we’re right about something, it’s blocks us from trying to learn more about that thing. If you’re convinced that the sky is red, will you try to find more about the colour of the sky?
In my opinion, this is the problem with this ego thing. It makes us want to be right and this stops us from learning more about that thing because once we encounter something that might prove us wrong, we’ll try to defend our belief. Being wrong throws us off balance when we are convinced we are right. We are used to know something and all of a sudden that something is not true anymore. This messes up our comfort zone and we love our comfort zone.
But the need of being right creates conflicts and conflicts create negativity. I’m not saying we should avoid conflicts just so we don’t get some negativity coming in, but I believe we need to shut the fuck up and listen to the other perspective first. It basically gets to the feelings. That other person feels in a certain way and all that one needs is for the feelings he/she has to be validated. But in a conflict, feelings (like anger) are expressed through words and we all know how bad choices of words we have when we’re angry. That will create more conflict…
In a world full of people, each one wants to be right. No matter there are so many conflicts. How often do you get into an argue because you feel the need to be right?
My husband and I both like to be right, but of course that cannot possibly work. It’s tricky. Katie
Yes, it is. How much frustration does that causes?
A lot on my part because ultimately I will back down as I dislike confrontation and squabbles. As a child my parents never argued and my father was very much the head of the house. It probably explains a little of my behaviour now.
DM! I am floored! I didn’t see this until right now. Because I was writing a tarot reading thingy for my blog which I posted straight away. Omg!!!! Yay!!! People need to get rid of their egos!!! Fuck yes! Did you read the thingy?? Read it and let me know what you think! Lol
Are you having a bad hair day??… 🙂 🙂 🙂
Nah Nah. Can’t have a bad hair day with no hair! Lol
Don’t you just hate it when that happens… 🙂
Yes, I totally agree with that! I will! 😀
Maybe we need to realize that two people can have different viewpoints and both can still be correct, kind of like the blind men and the elephant parable.
Yes! And it’s so hard to do that because of those motions involved…
I don’t usually try to impose my views on other people, but when they try to impose theirs on me, I will fight my corner to the death. In real life it rarely happens…on social media it happens several times a day.
How do you feel whilst “fighting”?
I don’t like fighting, but I know how soul-destroying it is to let other people grind you down and impose their opinions on you. My whole body feels shaky when I fight, but I know it’s better in the long run than letting myself be walked all over.
I worry more about my id getting away from me because of my manic-depression and PTSD.
If you have PTSD, I assume you encountered some trauma. What is that about?
Military, law enforcement, emergency medical and firefighting experiences.
Reblogged this on Onemob.
Thank you very much for your reblog! I really appreciate it! 😀
It’s too bad that most of the time people do not want to know about things that don’t agree with their opinions. Usually, they prefer to look for something to back up their claims, even if it’s probably questionable, than learning about the opposing statements
This may be considered as the need to feel right, but most of the time, when I’m in an argument, I feel like they themselves have proven my point, by saying things, that for me, are flawed or contradict their own beliefs
Yeah, well people are very attached to their beliefs which is normal and the fact that they cannot separate a little from those beliefs just to see others can be a major source of negative feelings and confrontations…
Personally I do not have an ego, just living and exploring life, learning as I go… “Any piece of knowledge I acquire today has a value at this moment exactly proportioned to my skill to deal with it. Tomorrow, when I know more, I will recall that piece of knowledge and use it better. “ Mark van Doren
And I am not trying to impress anyone… “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realize how seldom they do”.. Eleanor Roosevelt
I do have a bit of a fading memory, why I am unable to find my diary… 🙂
Mrs. Roosevelt spoke the truth!!
I usually just shut up when I feel that trying to educate someone is futile. With those who I know have an open mind, we discuss rather than argue.
“When you have a choice to be right or kind, choose kind.” ~ Dr Wayne Dyer
We cannot educate people that don’t want it. They’ll just just fight back and repel whatever that learning is all about.
You’re right about that.
If I have to correct someone, then I will nicely; if they keep bringing it up, then it’s blossoming into an argument and then it depends on me: is it worth an argument? Most of the time, I just say “okay” to end it or walk away. People tend to think they’re right when I do this, but it’s because I don’t have the energy. But…if it a charge at my character, then you don’t want to push because I internalize my feelings and poking me brings out the bear or She-Hulk.
I do that too sometimes. I don’t like to argue so if it means so much for that person to be right, I’ll leave it as it is.
So true. We really do seem to live in a world in which being ‘right’ is the ultimate and being ‘wrong’ or ‘not knowing’ or just having different perspectives is unbearable. But it seems to me that in a world with little real ‘truth’, the fact that we often don’t know and there is no ‘right’ seems more true than the likelihood of objectively being ‘right’. I’m very good at moderating escalation of arguments by finding ways to express myself that allow me to do that and respect others… But it’s tiring to do that one-sided work, so I normally choose, when I can, to have discussions with people who are curious, questioning and like to explore by sharing, even/especially when there are different perspectives.
As you said, we need to interact with people alike or better than us in order for us to improve. Sure, we need to interact with other types of people as well, but it’s so much harder to get to a useful result if those people aren’t willing to accept other points of view.
Couldn’t agree more. I got into conflicts so many times because I wanted to prove that my point was right. Until I realized that I don’t have to win every conversations because everyone has their own point of view.
Yes! And because they have it, it doesn’t mean we need to change our own. What made you realize you don’t have to win every conversation?
After I realize that we can’t force someone to accept our opinions. And it’s kind of exhausting trying to do so. Sometimes we just have to give up before the situation become tense.
Reading this article was a good start of the day. This reminds me of a book, “How to win friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. In book Carnegie tells us a very important thing which may change our lives forever and that is, “Seeing things from other person’s point of view.” If we develop this quality in ourselves then for sure we’ll be able to avoid useless arguments. By the way, I loved the whole article. Thanks for writing.
Have a good day.
And Yes I also have written a similar article which differentiates Ego and Self-respect I hope you’ll like it. https://helpingisforever.com/difference-between-ego-and-self-respect/ https://helpingisforever.com/difference-between-ego-and-self-respect/
Thank you for reading and for your kind words! I’ve read Dale Carnegie’s Secrets of Success and it’s an amazing book! His work is awesome! Thank you for sharing! 😀
You’re welcome, and thanks again for taking out time to reply to my comment. Yes, Dale Carnegie’s work is absolutely great. Have a good day!
Hypothetically speaking, if someone had all, one-hundred percent, fully inflated ego to the biggest an ego could possibly be, that person would be the happiest person in the world, and they wouldn’t give a damn whether others agree with them or not. They’d also be an asshole the likes of which no one would want to be near. Empathy causes humans to feel sadness. Is empathy a weakness?
I think it depends. If life is about pleasing ourselves then yes, empathy is a weakness. If life is about serving others, then empathy is one of the biggest strengths.
Very well pointed out, we can assume two people one is full of being right and another is full of saying sorry. A person who appreciates others rather than being right has much potential in society. I have also the same opinion of this topic on my blog. Saying sorry doesn’t make you weak, it means you respect others despite being right.