Fear of letting someone close and caring about them then comes betrayal.
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How often did that happen for you so far?
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It’s not how many. It’s who. After many years with someone and think you know them. Just to find out you never really did. So maybe it’s more about not trusting my own judgement.
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I’ve always thought you can never really know a person because that person doesn’t really fully know himself/herself. Maybe the unknown areas get to be known at a certain point and that’s what f*cks everything up.
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Agreed!!
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Trust, needing reassurance a lot… It all stems from my minority complex. I am usually afraid I am not good enough. That’s my biggest weakness.
g-d saying, “nice shit show sherlock” in review of my life, cause i kind of wonder… then i hope He laughs so hard that he farts and glitter sprinkles down from heaven to earth.
He does. Things we think are worrisome or serious to us, He probably waves his hand dismissively alot like “Girl, bye.” Or brush the dirt off His Shoulder.
Good Enough means to meet the expectations & needs that the other person requires of me.
To be right, to say the right thing, act the right way… to meet and surpass a person’s expectations of me.
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How important do you think it is to be right?
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I beat myself up. I can defeat myself before I get started. I’m trying to do better, by not telling myself “No one cares” or constantly replaying what I should’ve done in various scenarios. What I’m learning to do when I ruminate on something for too long “it’s over, it’s done; let it go.” I say this a few times and before I know it the anxiousness washes away.
I am so convinced my ideas and my self as a whole are worthless, and this keeps me from asking for guidance from people who could help me (and who sometimes, it turns out, do think I’m worth the time and effort). I need advancement or help offered to me to feel I deserve it, I am incapable of asking for anything nice for myself.
It has a pretty tangled root system, but I definitely grew up being told my creative ideas were too weird, things to be ashamed of, and something I shouldn’t discuss because that is being selfish from one side of my life. The one person who I could almost always count on to like my creativity (and frequently make everything weirder) was also someone who I always knew had very little relationship with reality or truth, so any encouragement from them always had to be taken with a massive amount of salt.
Basically, it comes down to this: almost everyone who has claimed my work and ideas have any value has either been someone I know to not be trustworthy in a larger sense, or someone who I can easily see has ulterior motive for wanting to keep me around (they want me to keep giving them money for classes/workshops/shows/whatever).
Almost everyone else can be dismissed as just being nice because they feel socially obligated to say something.
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Couldn’t the same principle apply for people that are not nice? Maybe those not-nice people do it just so they could feel better about themselves. Maybe those opinions have/had nothing to do with you too.
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Man! I have so many insecurities that it would scare the sun into hiding. However, if we must lost a few, body image, confidence, trust, and anxiety. That last one probably is the cause of most of my insecurities, but nonetheless I view it as an insecurity. I hate it like a fly in my ketchup. Can you feel the anger? Don’t worry, I have a therapist for all of this:)
I really don’t know. I didn’t have any worse childhood as anybody else, don’t have any addictions, or had problems prior to it starting. My family is full of depression, this I feel I just genetically inherited this dragon. It’s like a bad sculpture on the mantle that I can’t throw away.
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I think you can, but you need some drastic changes in your life for this to happen.
Hmm now love is conditional, which is not good, that’s why love seems insecure…🙂
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That’s true… 🙂
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😊😉
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I think I expect a little too much from myself. That stems from my constant need to prove I’m not a failure. Not to the world. But to prove to my own self!
For the past four years I have changed in a radical way. Most of my life, I had been afraid to express my real feminine nature.
First I had to re-discover my sacred feminity, and then I had to learn, step by step, how to shape my own feminity and how to express it. But this is an endless job, so, from time to time, I feel insecure and disheartened.
Even I am the best version of me, in the last four years, all men coming into my life have misjudged me. One man (the most spiritual one) with a strangely distorted image of me has rejected me in a very painful way. The others I had to reject myself. They didn’t have the eyes to see the true me, the heart to feel or the mind to understand. What happened, it happened not to me, but for me. 😉
So, the new me is still single after 4 years. The old me would have already got into a relationship with someone. The new me is obsessed with being in a real partenership with a man. The new me has the desire to be not less or not too much, but perfectly enough for someone. 🙂
That sounds tough. Well, people are different and because of this, they will project their vision of the world in other people. They are responsible for this just as we are responsible for our own views and behavior. The world is tough, but so are we.
Rejection is the best gift that I’ve received this year. As I have found later, when I got over the emotional crisis, being rejected by one man and one woman (who was one of my two best friends, with no romantic interest there 😉 ) reflected the fact I was also rejecting some hidden parts of me.
My friendship with the woman is definitively over, but my friendship with the man is somehow, magically, still working. As he is a highly spiritual person, he is able to work on his wounds and to work on the understanding of his own actions and reactions, feelings and thoughts. And as he is a very intuitive and empathetic being, he knows we still have things to learn from each other. So I have lost the man who I was interested in for a relationship, but I have received an authentic friendship with him. Yey!
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My biggest insecurity is never being enough. I always feel like I fall short whether it be in providing financially or emotionally or anything really.
Perception!
I need to know what people think of me!
How is going to help you the opinions other people have about you?
It wont, but it just bothers me!
Trusting someone enough to really let them in my world.
What is the worst thing that could happen if you let someone in your world?
Fear of letting someone close and caring about them then comes betrayal.
How often did that happen for you so far?
It’s not how many. It’s who. After many years with someone and think you know them. Just to find out you never really did. So maybe it’s more about not trusting my own judgement.
I’ve always thought you can never really know a person because that person doesn’t really fully know himself/herself. Maybe the unknown areas get to be known at a certain point and that’s what f*cks everything up.
Agreed!!
Trust, needing reassurance a lot… It all stems from my minority complex. I am usually afraid I am not good enough. That’s my biggest weakness.
I know that weakness very well so I’m going to ask you this: you feel you’re not good enough for… ?
Life. This World. Everyone else on it.
Who are you comparing yourself with and you feel you worth less? Everyone? If so, what makes everyone better than you?
That’s too long a story to tell here, lol. Let’s just stick to it probably being my main life lesson 😉
That I’m just deceiving myself.
Regarding what?
g-d saying, “nice shit show sherlock” in review of my life, cause i kind of wonder… then i hope He laughs so hard that he farts and glitter sprinkles down from heaven to earth.
He does. Things we think are worrisome or serious to us, He probably waves his hand dismissively alot like “Girl, bye.” Or brush the dirt off His Shoulder.
Hope you’re right, and that everyone’s inconvenient truths on earth become dancing unicorns in the firmament of our eternities.
And that’s how rainbows are created.
I still struggle with being good enough.
I know better, but some days, it is quite a bit of a struggle still.
What “being good enough” means for you?
Good Enough means to meet the expectations & needs that the other person requires of me.
To be right, to say the right thing, act the right way… to meet and surpass a person’s expectations of me.
How important do you think it is to be right?
I beat myself up. I can defeat myself before I get started. I’m trying to do better, by not telling myself “No one cares” or constantly replaying what I should’ve done in various scenarios. What I’m learning to do when I ruminate on something for too long “it’s over, it’s done; let it go.” I say this a few times and before I know it the anxiousness washes away.
It seems you have a strategy to get through your insecurity. I find it great because you don’t let it hold you down!
I am so convinced my ideas and my self as a whole are worthless, and this keeps me from asking for guidance from people who could help me (and who sometimes, it turns out, do think I’m worth the time and effort). I need advancement or help offered to me to feel I deserve it, I am incapable of asking for anything nice for myself.
Where do you think this worthless feeling comes from and what’s the worst thing that could happen if you share your ideas?
It has a pretty tangled root system, but I definitely grew up being told my creative ideas were too weird, things to be ashamed of, and something I shouldn’t discuss because that is being selfish from one side of my life. The one person who I could almost always count on to like my creativity (and frequently make everything weirder) was also someone who I always knew had very little relationship with reality or truth, so any encouragement from them always had to be taken with a massive amount of salt.
Basically, it comes down to this: almost everyone who has claimed my work and ideas have any value has either been someone I know to not be trustworthy in a larger sense, or someone who I can easily see has ulterior motive for wanting to keep me around (they want me to keep giving them money for classes/workshops/shows/whatever).
Almost everyone else can be dismissed as just being nice because they feel socially obligated to say something.
Couldn’t the same principle apply for people that are not nice? Maybe those not-nice people do it just so they could feel better about themselves. Maybe those opinions have/had nothing to do with you too.
Man! I have so many insecurities that it would scare the sun into hiding. However, if we must lost a few, body image, confidence, trust, and anxiety. That last one probably is the cause of most of my insecurities, but nonetheless I view it as an insecurity. I hate it like a fly in my ketchup. Can you feel the anger? Don’t worry, I have a therapist for all of this:)
Yes, that anxiety is a tough dragon. Where do you think it comes from?
I really don’t know. I didn’t have any worse childhood as anybody else, don’t have any addictions, or had problems prior to it starting. My family is full of depression, this I feel I just genetically inherited this dragon. It’s like a bad sculpture on the mantle that I can’t throw away.
I think you can, but you need some drastic changes in your life for this to happen.
Love!😊
How come you consider love being an insecurity?
😁
Hmm now love is conditional, which is not good, that’s why love seems insecure…🙂
That’s true… 🙂
😊😉
I think I expect a little too much from myself. That stems from my constant need to prove I’m not a failure. Not to the world. But to prove to my own self!
You need to prove yourself you’re not a failure? That’s interesting. Do those expectations match your current skills?
Insecurities? What are those?
I hope you’ll never know.
Damn sarcasm doesn’t come through on these things….I forgot 😉
Well, It got through because I’ve approved it 😀
Feeling as if I’m not worth whatever is given to me, I guess.
Where do you think this comes from?
For the past four years I have changed in a radical way. Most of my life, I had been afraid to express my real feminine nature.
First I had to re-discover my sacred feminity, and then I had to learn, step by step, how to shape my own feminity and how to express it. But this is an endless job, so, from time to time, I feel insecure and disheartened.
Even I am the best version of me, in the last four years, all men coming into my life have misjudged me. One man (the most spiritual one) with a strangely distorted image of me has rejected me in a very painful way. The others I had to reject myself. They didn’t have the eyes to see the true me, the heart to feel or the mind to understand. What happened, it happened not to me, but for me. 😉
So, the new me is still single after 4 years. The old me would have already got into a relationship with someone. The new me is obsessed with being in a real partenership with a man. The new me has the desire to be not less or not too much, but perfectly enough for someone. 🙂
That sounds tough. Well, people are different and because of this, they will project their vision of the world in other people. They are responsible for this just as we are responsible for our own views and behavior. The world is tough, but so are we.
Rejection is the best gift that I’ve received this year. As I have found later, when I got over the emotional crisis, being rejected by one man and one woman (who was one of my two best friends, with no romantic interest there 😉 ) reflected the fact I was also rejecting some hidden parts of me.
My friendship with the woman is definitively over, but my friendship with the man is somehow, magically, still working. As he is a highly spiritual person, he is able to work on his wounds and to work on the understanding of his own actions and reactions, feelings and thoughts. And as he is a very intuitive and empathetic being, he knows we still have things to learn from each other. So I have lost the man who I was interested in for a relationship, but I have received an authentic friendship with him. Yey!
My biggest insecurity is never being enough. I always feel like I fall short whether it be in providing financially or emotionally or anything really.
Providing to whom?
Myself, my son, my fiance
What makes you feel you fall short on providing for them?
Money never stretches enough. I’m always tired and feel I don’t spend enough time with them.
Being lonely and thinking that’s how it’s always gonna be. And not always being as confident as I should
These two are probably related. It always have been this way for you?
Yeah. I needa get motivated