In our culture we are often brought up with this lofty idea of being in peace with everyone. At it’s best we should avoid hate at all costs and resolve all our conflicts and toxic relationships with people in order to live a harmonious life.
And because most people have the fundamental need to feel loved and accepted, they tend to often proritize the needs of others more over their own needs. It’s the typical image of the ‘nice guy’ who ranks so high in the personality trait of agreeableness, that he would probably wipe your ass if you asked him to.
Okay, all jokes aside. I see it every goddamn day. People doing things for other’s they don’t actually care about. They do it just to feel a little better about themselves. Or should I say – to feel a little less worse about themselves. 😉
They are afraid to say NO to someone and reject people they don’t actually give a damn about because they think they’re being more altrustic and ya know… ‘love is all we need’… apparently.
Here is the harsh truth most people don’t like, and when they read it, they immediatley start to find reasons of why it could not be true, when in fact, it is.
You can’t ever be truly loved by anyone, if you’re not truly hated by others.
If you look up Love in the Collins Dictionary one of the first synonyms you will find, is the word passion. And when are we most passionate about something? That’s right, when we’re doing something where we can be ourselves and be authentic.
The same principle goes for love. If you’re doing stuff for people you don’t actually care about, if you have difficulty giving someone a big fat NO, then you don’t only have a boundary issue, but you’re also not being authentic. It doesn’t matter who it is – your mom, friends, partner or whoever.
Now, before I go on, let me clarify that sacrificing your own desires and needs for someone else, occasionally, is perfectly fine. In fact, that’s what makes relationships so great!
But when it comes to your self-respect, dignity, physical body, or your lifes ambitions, you certainly shouldn’t sacrifice anything for anyone. Ever.
And because we have all been confronted with some major decisions we had to make for ourselves when someone else was involved we either sacrificed our own self-respect for them, or, if we did it right, we didn’t.
And if we didn’t, then it usually involved disappointing that person you just rejected. It may even involve emotionally hurting people! And yes, these people will not like you for doing it. And that’s totally fine.
Because look, risking to share your opinion openly or committing to some sort of action with your full time and energy, is likely to offend at least ONE person in this world. This planet is full of seven billion goddamn people, and the odds of you offending someone by openly speaking your truth, are pretty high.
In fact, the more honest you are with the world, the more people you will offend and the more people will not like you!
Because speaking the blunt truth is polarizing. When you speak your truth, people will very quickly know if they will like you and go into a foxhole with you, or not like you and call you an asshole.
The reason why the above saying, I believe, is doubted by many, is because it’s very difficult to polarize people. It takes guts, it takes courage, and most importantly, it takes the truth.
Speak your truth, openly and freely. Don’t be afraid someone isn’t gonna like you. Life’s not about making others happy. It’s about making yourself happy, and by that, I mean it as I say it. The truth is the way forward.
Thanks for reading my article,