In our culture we are often brought up with this lofty idea of being in peace with everyone. At it’s best we should avoid hate at all costs and resolve all our conflicts and toxic relationships with people in order to live a harmonious life.
And because most people have the fundamental need to feel loved and accepted, they tend to often proritize the needs of others more over their own needs. It’s the typical image of the ‘nice guy’ who ranks so high in the personality trait of agreeableness, that he would probably wipe your ass if you asked him to.
Okay, all jokes aside. I see it every goddamn day. People doing things for other’s they don’t actually care about. They do it just to feel a little better about themselves. Or should I say – to feel a little less worse about themselves. 😉
They are afraid to say NO to someone and reject people they don’t actually give a damn about because they think they’re being more altrustic and ya know… ‘love is all we need’… apparently.
Here is the harsh truth most people don’t like, and when they read it, they immediatley start to find reasons of why it could not be true, when in fact, it is.
You can’t ever be truly loved by anyone, if you’re not truly hated by others.
If you look up Love in the Collins Dictionary one of the first synonyms you will find, is the word passion. And when are we most passionate about something? That’s right, when we’re doing something where we can be ourselves and be authentic.
The same principle goes for love. If you’re doing stuff for people you don’t actually care about, if you have difficulty giving someone a big fat NO, then you don’t only have a boundary issue, but you’re also not being authentic. It doesn’t matter who it is – your mom, friends, partner or whoever.
Now, before I go on, let me clarify that sacrificing your own desires and needs for someone else, occasionally, is perfectly fine. In fact, that’s what makes relationships so great!
But when it comes to your self-respect, dignity, physical body, or your lifes ambitions, you certainly shouldn’t sacrifice anything for anyone. Ever.
And because we have all been confronted with some major decisions we had to make for ourselves when someone else was involved we either sacrificed our own self-respect for them, or, if we did it right, we didn’t.
And if we didn’t, then it usually involved disappointing that person you just rejected. It may even involve emotionally hurting people! And yes, these people will not like you for doing it. And that’s totally fine.
Because look, risking to share your opinion openly or committing to some sort of action with your full time and energy, is likely to offend at least ONE person in this world. This planet is full of seven billion goddamn people, and the odds of you offending someone by openly speaking your truth, are pretty high.
In fact, the more honest you are with the world, the more people you will offend and the more people will not like you!
Why?
Because speaking the blunt truth is polarizing. When you speak your truth, people will very quickly know if they will like you and go into a foxhole with you, or not like you and call you an asshole.
The reason why the above saying, I believe, is doubted by many, is because it’s very difficult to polarize people. It takes guts, it takes courage, and most importantly, it takes the truth.
Speak your truth, openly and freely. Don’t be afraid someone isn’t gonna like you. Life’s not about making others happy. It’s about making yourself happy, and by that, I mean it as I say it. The truth is the way forward.
Thanks for reading my article,
Powerful and true! I had so many people in my life that were draining me of my life’s resources that I began to lose weight. I got down to under 120 lbs. I couldn’t sleep, I was completely drained. As soon as I let go of those relationships, I felt better.
Great to hear your turned things around! 🙂
Same here. I was like that growing up. The oldest in my family, I was the responsible one and ALWAYS had to make myself available, even when I moved out on my own. I lost alot of weight from the stress of trying to please too. I thought it looked good but weight loss from stress don’t make you feel good. It’s amazing the weight that’s lifted when you cut vamps off.
Thanks for writing this article Max. Help spread the word and my message. The truth is what sets people free. Xoxoxo
I disagree. Hate me now 🙂
I dont hate you. Should i?
context is king
Nah, no more fisherkings. This is the wasteland.
You live in a land of majesty that is incomprehensible to me 🙂
Behold! The magical and wonderful land of oz! Have you not adjusted your antennae to capture the wavelengths of my show/broadcast? Mmmother has your patronage? LOL
it is true that if you speak your mind, or if you feel that you must speak your mind (because you think what you are going to say is the truth or the best way/solution/issue based on evidence or experience), they are not gonna like it, but you will feel like you have done the right thing
I absolutely agree with you. Becoming people’s pleaser is learned in childhood and it causes so much damage later on. You can’t be loved by everybody, that’s just a fact. And many people will respect you if you are true to yourself, rather than if you give in to everything and everybody just because you fear conflict of rejection. Very well said.
Nicely written! Thanks for reading! 🙂
Awesome piece, part I love most is never sacrifice your self dignity to anyone, ever.. One thing have realized is you can’t please everyone. I’ll begin to stay true to myself…
I agree mostly, but sometimes sacrifice is necessary and to a degree that we can pick and choose what aspects of our lives or our own identities we may or may not sacrifice.
Maybe it is hard to say we should ‘never’ sacrifice this or that…Sacrifice is sacrifice…if necessary, it sometimes means everything.
Reblogged this on Tracey in Maine.
Thanks for this. I never liked the feeling that some people hated me and whenever I fell out with people I used to over-analyse it. It took me a little while to realise I was falling out with people a lot more these days because I was standing up for myself more. People in my life always expected me to be a doormat and once I gained confidence in myself I knew more what I wanted to do and what I didn’t. These days if I don’t want to do something I will say no, rather than yes just to please people. This has caused me to fall out with some people, but I’m getting okay with that and came to realise maybe I didn’t need those people in my life anymore.
Great progress! 🙂 thanks for sharing!!
so bizarre when things come up that mirror what you’re going through. i really struggle with this, with holding out for discussion a position or taking actions that might cause someone offense or lead them to get angry at me. i sublimate myself always. it’s a struggle.
It’s hard, but with practice and clarity becomes more easy 🙂
Very interesting food for thought, and I have to say I agree with you. You will certainly offend someone if you are being true to yourself, and you cannot be accommodating to those who you disagree with fundamentally.
Thanks for the reblog 🙂
Good piece. I used to struggle with expressing my opinion and polarizing people. But as I aged I’ve become much more comfortable about it. I’m also much better at picking my spots also because there are some people you will never please or agree with you or be pissed that you have an opinion other than theirs. I like to have discussions about contrasting viewpoints but the number of people that can have them are limited.
Great stuff 🙂 same, I also enjoy discussing contrasting viewpoints! Very interesting! 🙂
This was something I needed to hear as the holiday draws close. Thank you. It reminded me a lot of Romans 12:9 don’t just pretend to love, really love- hate what is evil and cling to what is good
Glad it came in time 🙂 merry Christmas!
Thank you so much for this. I needed this ultimately in life. I wish I could highlight some lines in the blog.
So true! I speak the truth and have been outcasted quite a few times. This article strengthens my belief that I am right. Thanks 🙂
Great to hear 🙂 merry Christmas!
🙌🏻
I believe truth heals and sets your soul free….Regardless of what others think and feel..
Exactly 🙂
Merry official Christmas! Absolutely love this post, and feel that I actually learned something from this. Keep up the nice work on your posts!
Thank you! Merry Christmas to you too!:-)
Peace is the utmost need of this world.