Provided by Scherezade Ozwulo from The Introverted Christian
*originally posted on The Introverted Christian*
I came across this article, Do You Put Up Emotional Walls, Based on Your Personality Type – Personality Growth and it instantly got me thinking, do I erect foundation supports or do I build foundation structures to protect things inside? Protection vs. Support
According to the website personalitygrowth.com, each personality has their own “walls” they put up when dealing with people. I can’t speak for everyone, so I’ll talk about my personality type – INFP.
INFP
INFPs try to be more open with their feelings and don’t like building up too many walls. For the INFP it is best to be themselves and to share their feelings whenever it feels right. They follow what they personally believe in and have strong inner morals. For the INFP putting up walls can close them off from opportunities and from living the way they want to. Most of the time they are open people, who can’t really shut themselves off from their feelings. – personalitygrowth.com
When I was a chap (southern slang for kid, also one of my favorite words😊), I shared alot of myself without aplomb. I would talk to anyone about anything, everyone was my friend( my mom hated when I said “my friend” when I talked about someone. “Everyone is not your friend” she would constantly tell me). During my adolescent/teen years, that notion of friend changed. Why? Maybe it had to do with abstract thought, processing concepts on a much deeper level? Breaking down parameters and characteristics of what it means to be a friend?
Kinda sorta.
What I actually started doing was analyzing people’s actions, listening to what they didn’t say versus what they actually said i.e. reading between the lines, and reacting from their vibe; this was my gold standard of trust. If I felt comfortable enough to share myself with you, then you were worthy. Then I wouldn’t erect a wall.
Personally speaking, walls were my protection. Walls kept me safe from hurt, pain, ridicule. If I didn’t share myself, I wouldn’t be made fun of; if I made myself invisible (which was hard to do because I am tall), no one would notice how awkward I looked. Only my closest friends, knew the real me; I kept everyone else in mystery.
Now, I build foundational structures for support, by helping cheer on the underdog which in turn, gives me the courage to stand up and voice. Having a foundational support to lean on is better than surrounding oneself with protective barriers because now you have the courage to speak up. I rather lean than be caged in.
What kind of walls do you put up?
How have they helped or hindered you?
The beauty of our childhood is innocence. Innocence with regards to the expectations of society and simply to life.
Bad experiences would probably be the cornerstones to the wall I have steadily built through the years. Bad experiences mostly related to love I guess? Haha
But as easily as it can be built, how easily could it be broken down as well?
This was definitely thought provoking. Thank you 😊
No, thank you for reading! It’s funny how easily things can be built but to take it down is hell!
Yeahhhh no matter how hard you try it’s still hard.
Thank you for this article! Well I don’t know what kind of personality I have, but as most people I build many walls especially emotionally to protect myself as I believe we all do! Even though I have this need to meet new people and really know them, I end up feeling tired from people and disappointed…some people just send you signs and then they play dumb or they just too afraid or maybe have issues and problems…they were hurt so they hurt, despite trying to understand the people and their problems,when you’re hurt, you just can’t be so objective about it. So you just start to regret being honest, responding, being enthusiastic, showing your feelings…and you end up emotionally blocked and sometimes socially because most people are fake and care about appearances and material things…But I struggle between this feeling and the feeling that I should never give up that there are plenty of goodness, love and honesty out there…real people that will just be honest and not make you confused and hurt you…Because nowadays I care more about real even if it’s not so pretty and nice, someone that tells you I’m fucked up and this is who I am and what I’m able to, then someone who is hiding their real intentions, feelings, reality….and end up by hurting the people around them or playing them. To answer how these walls hindered me, well I have become so rigid, I hardly express my feelings and I intimidate people because these walls that protect us from hurt also preventing us from love.
Thank you for reading! People can be exhausting, we have to put so much work into trusting others, it drains you because your thinking defensively (like driving defensively😉); anticipating how they’re gonna go. But with time, one learns to let go and give chances. I hope you’re able to do so, when you’re ready.😊
Thank you for your reply! Well yes maybe in some cases I’m thinking defensively and anticipating but most of the times it’s so clear and direct. I can see through people very easily and feel when there’s something wrong as well but despite, I might misjudged many because I was hurt. As I mentioned I have another side that is fighting to keep loving and caring despite everything so I hope this side will eventually conquer 😊
This is a really interesting post! I’m an INFJ and I find the article to be very true for me. I think I put a lot of feeling into the things I do which may make people think I don’t have walls, but the concept of layering is very much reality. It takes a lot of time for someone to reach the true me because of the many layers – it all depends on the amount of trust or sometimes even the type of personality of the person I’m with. I’ve found that in my life, I have a tendency to open up and be myself more with people of the ENFP personality. Perhaps this is because they are very open people and it inspires me to do the same.
Thanks for reading! My hubby is INFJ and it takes him forever to open up to people too.
Opposites are good in friendships (only if they bring the best out of you).
My new husband says I put up walls to protect myself
I’m doing my best to not do that!
Thanks for reading!
How newly married are you? Do you keep walls up around him?