Ladies and Gentlemen! I stand before you here in this P.O. Amphitheatre to posit a scenario for us to ponder. We are a social species that (for the most part) behaves in accordance with a set of unspoken rules and expectations.
I present before you a hypothetical situation that requires your judgement. I encourage you to consider:
- the contextual circumstances
- the perceived expectations of appropriate behaviour as determined by the interrelationships of the involved individuals
- the impact any judgment you make (or fail to make) has on “you”
Use of your scruples and conscience to inform your position in regards to this matter.
Make judgements! Go for it! This is an intellectual exercise!
THE SITUATION (2 parts)!
- Part 1: There was a party and two inebriated people (both over 18 years of age) end up ‘getting together’. One of the two people is your younger sister, the other is your best friend (male).
What would be your reaction to this?
All right. Now, setting aside your answer to my above question, let’s say that you were angered by the event. Your little sister was drunk and was taken advantage of by your best friend!
Despite both of them being drunk, both being over 18 and your sister initiating the flirting – she’s still your little sister! To you, it’s not an issue about her ‘being taken advantage of‘ but an issue of respect.
- Part 2: There is another party, this time you are now backpacking overseas. GASP!
They did it again. You don’t know a thing about it, but all of your friends do… Some of them your friends aren’t bothered by it, but some of them are.
Would you want them to tell you about it? (if so: while you’re still overseas or until you get back?)
If you were any person in this situation (the sister, the best friend, a bipartisan within the social circle).. how do you think you would feel?
Hmm… curiouser and curiouser…
Do you want an honest answer here? From what I read I wouldn’t want to know what or who my sister does. If they are both consenting adults then who am I to say anything? They might fall in love and get married and why would I want to stop that? I think people put their nose in places where it doesn’t belong but won’t speak up at times when they should. Lord knows I tell people how it is but there is a time and a place for it. When my sister was under age I would yell at older guys and tell them to back off. When she became an adult I didn’t always liked what she did but I kept my mouth shut. The only time I ever interfered in her love life was when I found out my stepsister slept with my sister’s boyfriend. I told my sister the truth because she deserved to know but other than that what she does and how she lives is totally her own business.
I love honest answers, and I think far too many people fear actual honesty. No one likes to ‘rock the boat’ so tend to gauge their responses by the people that surround them.
Thanks for your input!
If I was mad, I know it would be a challenge not to react badly. I would not want to push my sister away, or make her feel bad. But because of the love I feel I would want to be/find a source of support, acceptance, and meditation/breathing.
What would be an influencing factor to make you mad/not mad?
If my best friend was unavailable; so I could see how that extra attention could be confusing, feel like a breach in trust, and hurt reputation. I could see how some people would not be ok with that. It’s a matter of being true to ourselves.
That’s really cool! Thanks for explaining! It’s an observation of mine that women seek counsel to help them make sense of a situation before they act, whereas men reason with their pride.
We are wired to be social, nurturing, and focus on multiple tasks keeping chores in order. Where as the other side of the spectrum is focused problem solving, purpose driven, providers/protectors, and expected to be tough. But we all feel pain, love, and want to be valued.
Omg YES! Thank you! Yeah! 💯 I was a bit weary of making mention of gender as people can get so geared up and offended when generalisations are made in relation to gender. “omg, did you just assume my gender?” As if the words used to express oneself and their position has any actual bearing on the essential qualities of whatever is trying to be conveyed/described.
MEN AND WOMEN HAVE DIFFERENT WAYS OF DOING THINGS. MAKING THAT DISTINCTION DOES NOT DIMINISH EITHER SIDE.
ALSO, A COMBINATION OF THESE MASCULINE/FEMININE QUALITIES DOES NOT DIMINISH, DEFINE OR DETERMINE A PERSON’S INTRINSIC WORTH.
I just wanted to shove that message in there, as it came to my head. It’s not directed at you, but bolstered by the harmonious alignment of our values. 😀 let our words be read and remembered by whomever happens to see them. 😺🐱 we’re a complementing pair of Kitty Kats.
I’ve been pondering my answer to this all day… Being a woman, considering my little sister being in a casual sexual relationship with my best friend (be they male or female). I honestly can’t see any objection to their being together intimately, providing they were willing to speak openly regarding their feelings so they are both on the “same page” so to speak. I wouldn’t want either to be hurt by the other if one wanted a relationship vs. just casual sex etc… I would like to know it had happened again, so I was able to be supportive of one or both parties. My sister’s sexual activity is her business so I would not be angry.
Possibly my opinion may be different to other ones as in reality I am an only child myself so I have never known the love of a sibling and the need to protect a sibling in that way.
Reading others thoughts on this has been fascinating! A great question, very thought provoking.
You know what? Without trying to wave any red flags, I have noticed that women have been less incensed by the proposed situation than the men who I’ve spoken to. Dudes have expressed “you just don’t cross that line!” As noble as their intentions, they’re just sweeter ways of expressing some claim of ownership – or dismissing the agency of the sister’s role in the interaction.
I’m also an only child. So I find the dynamic of the sibling relationship to be quite intriguing. I credit being an only child to be a significant factor as to why I found it difficult to socialise with peers my own age.
Thanks so much for your feedback! 🤗
I had also noticed that! It always seems portrayed more severely in films and TV etc as a social taboo for men to do than where women are involved. Interesting!
I couldn’t agree more on the struggles of social interactions. It has taken me a long time to realise some of my social difficulties and even longer to consider ways of improving them!
I was quite a loner during my school years, preferring only one or two very close friends. My adult years are much the same preference but without the same luxury of choice e.g. in the workplace, we are expected to socialise as per requirement rather than as we feel comfortable. Fascinating creatures, humans. How much we could learn from our nearest Ape cousins with regards to social interactions and relationships… Anyway! Enough divergence! 😂
Forces socialization at work? As per work station? Omg are you guys like 5 years old and in kindergarten, learning how to share and make friends? LOL that’s bizarre. I guess if your employees can’t be friends, you in have to force them!!
That pretty much sums it up! Like toddlers in fancy dress masks with happy faces on! The majority of them are very two-faced and will stab you in the back for the smallest chance of gossip for break time. It is easier to just leave my mind at home and just get on with the job so they have nothing to pin on me. Very juvenile. Hate working there. However it helps pay the bills so I’m stuck with it for the time being. 😟
I’ve got this image of professor quirrel and Lord voldemort on the back of his head. Like the 2 faced Roman god Janus, symbolically corresponds with Gemini in the zodiac.
It’s all just facile, robotic attempt at encouraging camaraderie and shared joys and lulls. If done correctly it can be a formative experience, but really works at solidifying (and also alienating) particular personality types.
TBH – it would depend entirely on whether or not this was ONLY happening under the “bloom” of inebriation, or if this was something ongoing. If it’s something that flirting, eye contact, hand holding, kissing et al is going on when sober – well, I deal with it. Although, to be fair I’d probably take them both aside separately and say “If you break X’s heart, I will be very protective of them, not you.”
If, on the other hand, this is only happening under the influence – we’re having a three way discussion, when everyone is sober. “What’s going on? You two seem to be into PDA when drunk, but no interaction above the norm when sober.”
Slick, cool, rational. You are a scalpel and a surgeon. I dig it. But I totally get it, the context of the situation and interrelationship as a whole needs to be considered to see how it fits as a whole. The repeated incident gives pause for consideration that it may be more than a one time thing.
I’ve also never heard “bloom” used like that before. It makes me think of Blooms taxonomy for some reason.