I would say my point of view. The reason I say this is because no matter how someone else views something you may view it differently. You may view yourself as a winner, but someone else may value is less so does their value mean more than yours? I myself was in this position with my ex-wife. Her point of view was always right to her which meant I was less than. I learned that her point of view was not right once she left me my point of view of myself was that of a successful person.
This is so true and I completely agree with your answer! someone else’s point of view should never define you; instead, you should understand your own view of the world and accept that
Each person’s point of view is probably right for that person. I believe the tricky part is to hear other people’s points of view and to still maintain our own, if that’s the case.
That usually would be the case if the person was not narcissistic and manipulative. I found these things out a little too late. She used me to her advantage until she no longer needed me and found somebody more well-off. But I will no longer make that mistake I hear people’s one of you is now I understand them I try to see it but I still maintain my own point of view.
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I only know my view point every other view isn’t really the other view, just my view of their view, we try not to let it bother us or not let ourselves get in the way, but it’s always true and so I guess it always matters?
Very interesting. So other’s points of view are actually our views about their points of view. But if we let it influence us, it’s them the ones who influence us or is actually us doing it?
You can never really know, you just have to hope you’re interpretation of their words is close enough.
ECHO ECHO
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Mine, only mine – and I’m the only one right ! (Little sarcastically) just got out of a meeting where it was clear that facts should not be relevant to decisioning making processes
This is true. Although after many years of having the same thought bashed into your head you begin to believe that the other point of view is correct, until you have that break that moment will you finally realize at your own point of view and your own self value is much higher.
Hmmm… I think I will go the other way and say that it is the point of view that someone else might have. Because it helps me understand myself. Prepare for potential eventualities. Helps to try and create some benchmark of reliability and methods of processing reality differently.
I would love to be able to say my own opinion is the strongest voice in my head and that it matters the most to me. However, in my current mental state, I believe my Dad’s opinion is the one I hold most store by. I have had communication issues with him which has given me a need to seek his approval. I would like to say this need for approval and evidence that he is proud of me will diminish over time with help, however only time will tell.
I have been discussing this very topic in therapy and I still don’t have an answer! An analogy that works well visually is imagining a Christmas tree with a 🌟 on top. The star is the approval and praise I’m looking for from him and I have to climb the tree to reach it. I have a couple of past examples I have used before which basically say, “if this isn’t good enough, what is?!?”
Example one: during my A-level exams taken at 18, I achieved 100% in a particular performance exam. Performance being very much subjective to the listener rather than a physical right/wrong answer I was ecstatic to be considered among the best in the country for my age. My Dad’s response: “I’d have expected nothing less of you.”
Example two: I passed my driving test first time with only two minor faults (given you are allowed 18 before you fail) I was pleased! Dad’s response: “Oooo you shouldn’t have gotten those minors!!” This is extremely irritating to me now since I subsequently found out he failed his test first time!
Anyway, yes. I have NO idea what level of achievement I have to reach to gain approval and evidence of such from him. The 🌟 remains elusive for now.
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Parents are sometimes incapable of giving us what we perceive to need from them, and though we may reach our hands out to ask, they may not be able to touch our palms.
And sometimes, what one defines as pride is not the same as the other.
If one day you couldn’t climb and Christmas tree stars were banned from the world, his sole option may be to look at you as you are, and though we may cry our tears and ask, they may not be able to recognize our pain.
And sometimes, what one defines as approval is not the same as the other.
One day, driving my children home I went through each to provide one word expressing one of their strengths, but when I arrived home, i realized one had cried quietly in the backseat for twenty minutes until we arrived home. Not understanding I asked why she
was upset and looking up at me with tears in her eyes she said it was because I called her pathetic. I *almost* laughed but went the route of explaining I’d never insult her and that the word I used was em/pathetic.
Sometimes, what we need or want from those we love, is there, yet we may say and hear different things. “I expect nothing less of you” can also be translated as: I have faith in your abilities, talents, intelligence, gifts, and perseverance. You are gold and iron, so it’s no surprise that you shine. His words might be a flowering cactus, that he gives because of its propagation potential, rather than a rose because of its fragrance.
i’ve butted in with lots of opinions but really just wish you peaceful resolution with your dad 🙂
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Thank you very much for your thoughts! It’s lovely to think that others can gleam different things from the same words. Where all I can see is negativity and criticism, there may well be light and hope after all.
Thank you so much, Luna xx
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I believe he is very tough with you because he wants the best for you. But the way he express this is not a great way.
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It depends on what you’re looking for an opinion on. If it’s about me, then ultimately my opinion but my view of myself is definitely influenced by how I am reflected in other people’s responses to me and my actions.
If I’m looking for a pov on what’s wrong with my computer then I’ll ask someone whose experience I respect
Maybe-yes-no. I have to respect their expertise.
Even the most ‘objective’ sciences are often (and unconsciously) value laden in the questions they use to interrogate an issue and that will influence the answers they find.
So it helps if there is some agreement in value base. E.g. many economic experts (and they really are experts) will work on the assumption that economic growth is an inherent good and find answers accordingly without questioning the underlying value base and therefore failing to look at wider repercussions and long term environmental and social impact. So they may be able to solve what they see as the problem whilst contributing to other problems. But the framing of the problem is wrong.
I know that from the expertise of others and not because I am an environmental scientist.
So my values matter most to me, but my point of view within that value base may need help from someone that knows better.
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truth is spoken through the heart and all hearts that speak matter, so it’s hearts that do not speak that matter most. truth is employed in matters of love and endeavors to include all hearts in its landscapes.
we are incapable to measure love within another’s heart, likewise, the truth(s) held within. what is more important, imo, is that the heart simply speak. vibrato is of no consequence.
the business of perceived lack, love and truth is not mine, but rather each soul’s to claim, but it can’t be claimed if it’s not discovered, and to live with an undiscovered heart is imo a greater tragedy than one unexamined.
the task becomes identifying those who speak yet remain silent, because often, not always, they are the ones with a need to uncover a dam, remove bars, find keys or simply set sail, and who will speak to or for the silent if not those with a voice?
love and hate are of the same coin and although negative self-perceptions often exist internally, the heart regardless continues to be a powerful force of love externally.
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I agree. They are on the same coin because the feeling is related.
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yes, i thought possible that hate is love that first passes through judgment, which many religions limit to the realm of god(s) [judgment/hate].
in any case, of the two, love absent judgment causes the least harm.
Well then, I’m the only one who knows me better than anyone else, I know my flaws and my strengths, people know only what we let them know, even the ones that swear they undersatnd us perfectly. So, my point of view matters the most, not in a selfish way, but that’s how things are really.
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It depends on so many factors – what the issue is, who the people involved are, who has the bigger responsibility or knowledge or abilities…
If I asked this in my home, the cats would say it was their point of view that carries the most weight.
Not always, they seem to think that they should have plate inspection rights – and perhaps they do. We cook with garlic often, so they may *think* their point of view is correct or has the most weight, but since garlic is very bad for cats, and I’m the one who would clean them up/take them to the vet/pay for the vet – no. However, if they want to *play* with one of the giant roaches that comes in, their point of view is more important than mine (which is generally to freak out and try to stand on furniture). However, I’m good with being their heat source, purr shelf or snuggle buddy.
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My dad. He’s always been my rock and if ever I need perspective on anything it’s his wisdom I will follow. Also I car very much what he thinks of my choices. He’s a wonderful man
I’m going to venture a new thought current and say that when doing something for a good purpose, hold the a view up to see if it matches those standards. Never thought about it till just now, so that was a good question, thank you.
In my mind everything is one sided. I try to do what I think is right and just under the Lord. Therefore in my mind (if I have done my best) God will have a good opinion of me and thus allow me to enter unto the gates of Heaven. Ultimately my perception of God’s opinion is what matters most. The question “am I doing what would make God have a good opinion of me?–” is what I try to live by… Does that make sense?
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Everybody has an opinion, it will vary between person to person in your life as they all get a different part of you depending on their needs. These characteristics that they define you with are a reflection of themselves, their needs, fears and own judgements. But at the end of the day, the only opinion that matters is your own. It’s your life and if you can live it to the best of your abilities and know that you are happy with yourself, that’s all that matters, as selfish as that may seem. For me personally I will take onboard anybody’s opinion of me, I celebrate my strengths, and what they see as a weakness I ask myself is it my weakness or theirs? If it’s mine, I try to then find the positive within that negative, for it is there that I grow.
Exactly. Each individual has their own set of morals, beliefs and opinion. That’s how the world works. If we were all the same it would be a boring place. Our opinions are what drives our passions. The problem lies in people not having respect for another person to have a difference of opinion because it’s not what they agree with. Shallow/closed minds doesn’t let a person grow
Sadly, the world’s view of me is the opinion that matters most to me. I’m a recovering alcoholic who grew up in a house with an alcoholic domestic (but not child) abuser. So, I have severe codependency issues. Couple that with my self-esteem issues, and I’m screwed. I’m working on my issues though. I’m working on recovery from my codependency and I’m working on improving my self-image.
You are so strong that you managed to get through those tough moments. Each battle leaves scars and that’s what you have. I’m glad you’re working on it. I’m sure you will manage to heal the open wounds.
God’s is the only one whose matters-Unfortunately I catch myself relying on family which can end up having the opposite effect of what I’m looking for
Yeah, well, humans are only humans.
The objective point of view, which is God’s point of view.
How often do you think humans alter that in order to justify their actions?
I would say my point of view. The reason I say this is because no matter how someone else views something you may view it differently. You may view yourself as a winner, but someone else may value is less so does their value mean more than yours? I myself was in this position with my ex-wife. Her point of view was always right to her which meant I was less than. I learned that her point of view was not right once she left me my point of view of myself was that of a successful person.
This is so true and I completely agree with your answer! someone else’s point of view should never define you; instead, you should understand your own view of the world and accept that
Each person’s point of view is probably right for that person. I believe the tricky part is to hear other people’s points of view and to still maintain our own, if that’s the case.
That usually would be the case if the person was not narcissistic and manipulative. I found these things out a little too late. She used me to her advantage until she no longer needed me and found somebody more well-off. But I will no longer make that mistake I hear people’s one of you is now I understand them I try to see it but I still maintain my own point of view.
I only know my view point every other view isn’t really the other view, just my view of their view, we try not to let it bother us or not let ourselves get in the way, but it’s always true and so I guess it always matters?
ECHO ECHO
Very interesting. So other’s points of view are actually our views about their points of view. But if we let it influence us, it’s them the ones who influence us or is actually us doing it?
You can never really know, you just have to hope you’re interpretation of their words is close enough.
ECHO ECHO
Mine, only mine – and I’m the only one right ! (Little sarcastically) just got out of a meeting where it was clear that facts should not be relevant to decisioning making processes
If facts shouldn’t be relevant, what should? I’m not sure if I want meetings like that :)))
This is true. Although after many years of having the same thought bashed into your head you begin to believe that the other point of view is correct, until you have that break that moment will you finally realize at your own point of view and your own self value is much higher.
Hmmm… I think I will go the other way and say that it is the point of view that someone else might have. Because it helps me understand myself. Prepare for potential eventualities. Helps to try and create some benchmark of reliability and methods of processing reality differently.
How do you differentiate between the views that help and the ones that don’t? How do you shut down the noise?
Be positive… Because a positive mind meaking of new things…😃😃😃😁😁😁😊😊😊😊😉😉😉😉😆😆😆😆😆🤩🤩🤩🤩🤗🤗🤗☺️☺️☺️🙂🙂🙂😎😎😎😉😉😉😅😅😄😄😄😄😋😋😋
Nice! 😀
I would love to be able to say my own opinion is the strongest voice in my head and that it matters the most to me. However, in my current mental state, I believe my Dad’s opinion is the one I hold most store by. I have had communication issues with him which has given me a need to seek his approval. I would like to say this need for approval and evidence that he is proud of me will diminish over time with help, however only time will tell.
What do you think you need to accomplish so you can have his approval and the evidence that he is proud of you?
I have been discussing this very topic in therapy and I still don’t have an answer! An analogy that works well visually is imagining a Christmas tree with a 🌟 on top. The star is the approval and praise I’m looking for from him and I have to climb the tree to reach it. I have a couple of past examples I have used before which basically say, “if this isn’t good enough, what is?!?”
Example one: during my A-level exams taken at 18, I achieved 100% in a particular performance exam. Performance being very much subjective to the listener rather than a physical right/wrong answer I was ecstatic to be considered among the best in the country for my age. My Dad’s response: “I’d have expected nothing less of you.”
Example two: I passed my driving test first time with only two minor faults (given you are allowed 18 before you fail) I was pleased! Dad’s response: “Oooo you shouldn’t have gotten those minors!!” This is extremely irritating to me now since I subsequently found out he failed his test first time!
Anyway, yes. I have NO idea what level of achievement I have to reach to gain approval and evidence of such from him. The 🌟 remains elusive for now.
Parents are sometimes incapable of giving us what we perceive to need from them, and though we may reach our hands out to ask, they may not be able to touch our palms.
And sometimes, what one defines as pride is not the same as the other.
If one day you couldn’t climb and Christmas tree stars were banned from the world, his sole option may be to look at you as you are, and though we may cry our tears and ask, they may not be able to recognize our pain.
And sometimes, what one defines as approval is not the same as the other.
One day, driving my children home I went through each to provide one word expressing one of their strengths, but when I arrived home, i realized one had cried quietly in the backseat for twenty minutes until we arrived home. Not understanding I asked why she
was upset and looking up at me with tears in her eyes she said it was because I called her pathetic. I *almost* laughed but went the route of explaining I’d never insult her and that the word I used was em/pathetic.
Sometimes, what we need or want from those we love, is there, yet we may say and hear different things. “I expect nothing less of you” can also be translated as: I have faith in your abilities, talents, intelligence, gifts, and perseverance. You are gold and iron, so it’s no surprise that you shine. His words might be a flowering cactus, that he gives because of its propagation potential, rather than a rose because of its fragrance.
i’ve butted in with lots of opinions but really just wish you peaceful resolution with your dad 🙂
Thank you very much for your thoughts! It’s lovely to think that others can gleam different things from the same words. Where all I can see is negativity and criticism, there may well be light and hope after all.
Thank you so much, Luna xx
I believe he is very tough with you because he wants the best for you. But the way he express this is not a great way.
It depends on what you’re looking for an opinion on. If it’s about me, then ultimately my opinion but my view of myself is definitely influenced by how I am reflected in other people’s responses to me and my actions.
If I’m looking for a pov on what’s wrong with my computer then I’ll ask someone whose experience I respect
So the view that matters is the one coming from an expert.
Maybe-yes-no. I have to respect their expertise.
Even the most ‘objective’ sciences are often (and unconsciously) value laden in the questions they use to interrogate an issue and that will influence the answers they find.
So it helps if there is some agreement in value base. E.g. many economic experts (and they really are experts) will work on the assumption that economic growth is an inherent good and find answers accordingly without questioning the underlying value base and therefore failing to look at wider repercussions and long term environmental and social impact. So they may be able to solve what they see as the problem whilst contributing to other problems. But the framing of the problem is wrong.
I know that from the expertise of others and not because I am an environmental scientist.
So my values matter most to me, but my point of view within that value base may need help from someone that knows better.
truth is spoken through the heart and all hearts that speak matter, so it’s hearts that do not speak that matter most. truth is employed in matters of love and endeavors to include all hearts in its landscapes.
What if the point of view comes from the lack of love (so I won’t say hate)?
we are incapable to measure love within another’s heart, likewise, the truth(s) held within. what is more important, imo, is that the heart simply speak. vibrato is of no consequence.
the business of perceived lack, love and truth is not mine, but rather each soul’s to claim, but it can’t be claimed if it’s not discovered, and to live with an undiscovered heart is imo a greater tragedy than one unexamined.
the task becomes identifying those who speak yet remain silent, because often, not always, they are the ones with a need to uncover a dam, remove bars, find keys or simply set sail, and who will speak to or for the silent if not those with a voice?
love and hate are of the same coin and although negative self-perceptions often exist internally, the heart regardless continues to be a powerful force of love externally.
I agree. They are on the same coin because the feeling is related.
yes, i thought possible that hate is love that first passes through judgment, which many religions limit to the realm of god(s) [judgment/hate].
in any case, of the two, love absent judgment causes the least harm.
very simply put…
…my own❗️
⚖️💡💬♾
Awesome! 😀
Point of view on what subject?
Let’s say point of view about yourself.
Well then, I’m the only one who knows me better than anyone else, I know my flaws and my strengths, people know only what we let them know, even the ones that swear they undersatnd us perfectly. So, my point of view matters the most, not in a selfish way, but that’s how things are really.
It depends on so many factors – what the issue is, who the people involved are, who has the bigger responsibility or knowledge or abilities…
If I asked this in my home, the cats would say it was their point of view that carries the most weight.
Would you agree with the cats?
Not always, they seem to think that they should have plate inspection rights – and perhaps they do. We cook with garlic often, so they may *think* their point of view is correct or has the most weight, but since garlic is very bad for cats, and I’m the one who would clean them up/take them to the vet/pay for the vet – no. However, if they want to *play* with one of the giant roaches that comes in, their point of view is more important than mine (which is generally to freak out and try to stand on furniture). However, I’m good with being their heat source, purr shelf or snuggle buddy.
My dad. He’s always been my rock and if ever I need perspective on anything it’s his wisdom I will follow. Also I car very much what he thinks of my choices. He’s a wonderful man
That’s awesome! He seems to be a wonderful man 😀
Mine…but I am open to listening to others.
It’s great if you’re open to listening to others, but in the end you’ll be deciding what you need to take into consideration and what not.
My opinion, but my mom’s before mine. I take account what she thinks and I take the steering wheel from there.
I’m glad that in the end, you take the steering wheel. that’s a healthy approach.
The point of view which synthesizes the points of view of everyone involved in a synchronistic and beautiful way for all
It is, but I guess it depends on who those “everyone” are.
I’m going to venture a new thought current and say that when doing something for a good purpose, hold the a view up to see if it matches those standards. Never thought about it till just now, so that was a good question, thank you.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Do you always check your view with some standards?
I am much better about that, recently.
My opinion of God’s opinion….
How does such an opinion sound like?
In my mind everything is one sided. I try to do what I think is right and just under the Lord. Therefore in my mind (if I have done my best) God will have a good opinion of me and thus allow me to enter unto the gates of Heaven. Ultimately my perception of God’s opinion is what matters most. The question “am I doing what would make God have a good opinion of me?–” is what I try to live by… Does that make sense?
Everybody has an opinion, it will vary between person to person in your life as they all get a different part of you depending on their needs. These characteristics that they define you with are a reflection of themselves, their needs, fears and own judgements. But at the end of the day, the only opinion that matters is your own. It’s your life and if you can live it to the best of your abilities and know that you are happy with yourself, that’s all that matters, as selfish as that may seem. For me personally I will take onboard anybody’s opinion of me, I celebrate my strengths, and what they see as a weakness I ask myself is it my weakness or theirs? If it’s mine, I try to then find the positive within that negative, for it is there that I grow.
Everybody has the right to have an opinion, but we have the right to reject it 🙂
Exactly. Each individual has their own set of morals, beliefs and opinion. That’s how the world works. If we were all the same it would be a boring place. Our opinions are what drives our passions. The problem lies in people not having respect for another person to have a difference of opinion because it’s not what they agree with. Shallow/closed minds doesn’t let a person grow
My children should be, but prob my peers
How come your peers’ opinions are so important for you?
I want to people to think if me as a good person, parent
husband’s. His opinions are carefully considered & I trust him. Even if he disagrees with something, he’s careful and tactful in his response.
He seems to be an awesome person! 😀
He really is 😍 thanks
Sadly, the world’s view of me is the opinion that matters most to me. I’m a recovering alcoholic who grew up in a house with an alcoholic domestic (but not child) abuser. So, I have severe codependency issues. Couple that with my self-esteem issues, and I’m screwed. I’m working on my issues though. I’m working on recovery from my codependency and I’m working on improving my self-image.
You are so strong that you managed to get through those tough moments. Each battle leaves scars and that’s what you have. I’m glad you’re working on it. I’m sure you will manage to heal the open wounds.
Between me and someone I love?
Between you and everybody.