Allie Diltz’s personal blog can be found at heymomnowwhat.com
Confession: I Suck.
It’s been a while since I wrote anything. I had started my blog in November last year, and I was super motivated at first. I had so many things I wanted to talk about and my point of view on parenting, mental health and raising children in today’s world, which is so different from when I was young. I started out pretty well, I thought. I did all the things that you should do; researched, connected with other Bloggers, tested out different formats and plug-ins and themes. And then, I hit a long white wall of nothingness. No ideas, no spark of creativity, nothing.
Time went by, first one week, then two. I kept telling myself that I was going to write tomorrow, later tonight, first thing in the morning. And then, it wasn’t just writing that I was putting off. I was procrastinating with my paperwork for my job, my house was a disaster and I was behind on all of my wife/mom stuff. I don’t remember feeling depressed, but looking back now, I must have been. All I could think about was how much I suck.
It was probably a full month before I realized what a hole I had fallen into. The worst part of it all was that it never felt I was back-sliding in my mood state. It was like this depression had snuck up on me and whispered “You suck” many, many times until I believed it.
Embrace The Suck
Have you ever been at that place, where you just know deep in your bones, all of a sudden, how much you have screwed things up? Mostly without even realizing that you did it, you somehow made things go to shit. That is a hard bed to wake up in, when everything is just not right and things can’t be made right, either. I looked at the mess of things around me and realized just how much I sucked, and that sucked the air right out of me. What do you do when you find yourself in this place? What could I do, when I saw that I had a deep hole to crawl out of while still moving forward in life. Can you go up and forward at the same time?
Here is what I learned in that moment: I suck sometimes, and that’s ok.
No, I don’t mean that I accepted where I was at and that was where I was content to stay.
No, I don’t mean that I was telling myself it was ok to suck and things weren’t going to change.
And no, I did not stay in that place of suckiness. The way that I began to not suck as much was to literally allow myself to be where I was at. I accepted that I had fucked up and gotten lazy and procrastinated. I accepted that I had stopped caring for a little while, because in the long run, a month or two of totally sucking really isn’t that long. When I allowed myself to stop being critical of what I had let happen and accepted that I had let it get to that point, an end point was created. It was like a period at the end of a sentence. The last word of a chapter, and I was able to turn the page.
Relief in Acceptance
Acceptance is a funny thing. Many people seem to think that when you accept something, that means that you are relinquishing any and all control that you have over it, whatever it may be. That is just not so. Acceptance is about asserting your control, not only over the other, but also over yourself. When you accept something you are giving yourself permission to have power over it by not letting it stop you from moving forward. Not only is there power in that, there is also relief. The relief of not having to fight against it, deny it, hide it or run from it. You are now in control of the “suck,” which means that you are able to begin to not suck as much.
I wrote a post before about getting un-stuck. The take away message was that in order to get out of that stagnant, scared place that people find themselves in you have to make one small move, take one small step. Inertia can be a horrible thing; not only is it difficult to start moving again, the seduction of staying still can be hard to resist. The way to do this is to take one small thing you can change and make it happen. And then, take on the next. Then, the next. Before you know it, you’re moving forward again.
Accepting that you suck sometimes is kind of like that. The first, and sometimes hardest step is stopping everything to evaluate where you are at. See where you are, and accept it. When that has happened, you will find that you created a line where you have a before and an after. Step across that line into the after, and you have taken your first step forward.
So, Now What? How Do You Not Suck, As Much?
As always, I love hearing from you, dear Readers, and I want to know what you think. Tell me in the comments below about a time when you really felt sucky and what you did to pull yourself out of it.