How I Try To Not Suck (As Much)

Allie Diltz’s personal blog can be found at heymomnowwhat.com

Confession: I Suck.

It’s been a while since I wrote anything. I had started my blog in November last year, and I was super motivated at first. I had so many things I wanted to talk about and my point of view on parenting, mental health and raising children in today’s world, which is so different from when I was young. I started out pretty well, I thought. I did all the things that you should do; researched, connected with other Bloggers, tested out different formats and plug-ins and themes. And then, I hit a long white wall of nothingness. No ideas, no spark of creativity, nothing.

Time went by, first one week, then two. I kept telling myself that I was going to write tomorrow, later tonight, first thing in the morning. And then, it wasn’t just writing that I was putting off. I was procrastinating with my paperwork for my job, my house was a disaster and I was behind on all of my wife/mom stuff. I don’t remember feeling depressed, but looking back now, I must have been. All I could think about was how much I suck.

It was probably a full month before I realized what a hole I had fallen into. The worst part of it all was that it never felt I was back-sliding in my mood state. It was like this depression had snuck up on me and whispered “You suck” many, many times until I believed it.

Embrace The Suck

Have you ever been at that place, where you just know deep in your bones, all of a sudden, how much you have screwed things up? Mostly without even realizing that you did it, you somehow made things go to shit. That is a hard bed to wake up in, when everything is just not right and things can’t be made right, either. I looked at the mess of things around me and realized just how much I sucked, and that sucked the air right out of me. What do you do when you find yourself in this place? What could I do, when I saw that I had a deep hole to crawl out of while still moving forward in life. Can you go up and forward at the same time?

  Here is what I learned in that moment: I suck sometimes, and that’s ok.

No, I don’t mean that I accepted where I was at and that was where I was content to stay.

No, I don’t mean that I was telling myself it was ok to suck and things weren’t going to change.

And no, I did not stay in that place of suckiness. The way that I began to not suck as much was to literally allow myself to be where I was at. I accepted that I had fucked up and gotten lazy and procrastinated. I accepted that I had stopped caring for a little while, because in the long run, a month or two of totally sucking really isn’t that long. When I allowed myself to stop being critical of what I had let happen and accepted that I had let it get to that point, an end point was created. It was like a period at the end of a sentence. The last word of a chapter, and I was able to turn the page.

Relief in Acceptance

Acceptance is a funny thing. Many people seem to think that when you accept something, that means that you are relinquishing any and all control that you have over it, whatever it may be. That is just not so. Acceptance is about asserting your control, not only over the other, but also over yourself. When you accept something you are giving yourself permission to have power over it by not letting it stop you from moving forward. Not only is there power in that, there is also relief. The relief of not having to fight against it, deny it, hide it or run from it. You are now in control of the “suck,” which means that you are able to begin to not suck as much.

I wrote a post before about getting un-stuck.  The take away message was that in order to get out of that stagnant, scared place that people find themselves in you have to make one small move, take one small step. Inertia can be a horrible thing; not only is it difficult to start moving again, the seduction of staying still can be hard to resist. The way to do this is to take one small thing you can change and make it happen. And then, take on the next. Then, the next. Before you know it, you’re moving forward again.

Accepting that you suck sometimes is kind of like that. The first, and sometimes hardest step is stopping everything to evaluate where you are at. See where you are, and accept it. When that has happened, you will find that you created a line where you have a before and an after. Step across that line into the after, and you have taken your first step forward.

So, Now What? How Do You Not Suck, As Much?

As always, I love hearing from you, dear Readers, and I want to know what you think. Tell me in the comments below about a time when you really felt sucky and what you did to pull yourself out of it.

42 thoughts on “How I Try To Not Suck (As Much)

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  1. I’m going through something like this at the moment as well! I literally just realized it the last day or two and started cleaning the clutter around me. I’m not completely out of the woods yet, but it certainly helps to not have piles of clothes and dishes taunting me in the background reminding me how lazy I had been. Being aware and accepting my “hole” totally helps alleviate the heaviness in my chest. Awesome post!💖

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Don’t suck , learn to sip. It’s okay. I guess like life cycle , everyone goes through emotional cycle. But ones you understand, it’s a just a phase. Things, people and situations will appear less magnified, your reactions will be less over the top and guess, life will start making a bit of sense.

    Liked by 6 people

  3. Thanks for visiting my blog. I have been where you describe too many times to count. I am sure if I look back over the last six years there are a few blog posts that are similar to yours. I agree that taking action consistently helps move you away from Suckland (an imaginary city far far away). Peace and blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I had some questions that I was trying to answer for a while. Questions about what I want to be. Recently, I realized this was tiring me too much as I tend to get very involved in the process. That made me let it go, so I dont care what I will be. Rather, I am accepting what is and not seeking after what I want to be. This kind of acceptance is lifting me up slowly. Acceptance makes a difference

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes absolutely! I think you’re right, we spend so much time thinking about where we are going (positive) or where we have been (possibly negative, the “I suck” place). We need to learn to spend more time where we are right now, and own it.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Reblogged this on Prophetess and commented:
    Well THANK U, now I know for sure I SUCK! Lol, it’s been a VERY long time since I wrote anything new. I’m posting old things to a new site.
    I think I’m getting my muse back though, 😊.
    Thank u for this post and letting us know there’s hope. 💕

    Liked by 2 people

  6. The hardest thing is to keep yourself motivated. I struggle with that too. But, I am currently feeling hyped as I ask myself, is this who I want to be? I’m proving myself to Me first.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I don’t know if this is someone else’s words I’m stealing… but fuck it. I’m “stealing” them anyway.
    It’s the (my) whole thing about cycles, in this circle of life. We are all just circling the drain and trying to not die because life is just one bitter disappointment after another. We realise what the shit is going on and we get our strength from our inner well of love for others… so we take on these super power abilities trying to teach and yell and push and pull and save everyone from the inevitable black whirlpool of death (being sucked away to nothingness). And after we’ve done all we can we realise that shit, I never thought to save ourselves until *gurgle schlock plup* we’ve been washed away with all the crap… and… have to figure out how to get out of our own spiritual (metaphorical) septic tank. If we’ve been sucked down into the sewerage system of life/death/society, we’ve got to find the sanitisation depot stat. Lest that toxicity infect our physical bodies too, not just our heart and spirit…

    Liked by 2 people

  8. This is so relatable. I have learned to keep writing even when I suck and even when no one reads it. Simply because I enjoy writing and also because giving up should never be an option. 😊

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  9. Seems we’ve all been there. I like the comment about ‘sip’ instead of ‘suck.’ Last week I was teaching first and second graders some “Butterfly Magic.” I made some nectar (one part honey/four parts water), Poured a sampling into Dixie cups, placed a paper flower on top (with a hole cut in the middle) and gave them straws for sipping… like a butterfly does with its long proboscis (new vocab word for the kids). This reminds us of the sweetness of life Today, I will incorporate some Butterfly Yoga… asked the kids to take sips of air to fill up their little bellies and then let the air out with a big “Ahhhhh!” (because air is life, and life tastes soooo good). Is it overthinking that gets me stuck? Do I sometimes get so much in my head that it blocks the natural flow of my divinely-guided thought? I believe so, and I find that deep meditative breathing helps to clear my mind and get me unstuck. Then I let life happen, I become present in the moment (the events and the associated feelings), and I write about whatever that may be… like you have done here. I think you’re becoming unstuck. Try a little Butterfly Magic!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think I will try it! My little ones would appreciate that. I think that being present in the moment can be a part of acceptance, don’t you? Like, “here is where I am at, I’m just going to sit and absorb this for a while.”
      What do you think?

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  10. I so relate to this post, and I have discovered the same thing: when I am spending all my precious energy berating myself for sucking, I don’t have the energy to pull myself out of it. So I tell myself, “This is where I am right now, and it’s okay. I’m human and naturally imperfect.” Acceptance frees up the energy to take that one small step forward, even if it’s just taking a shower. The small things get the ball rolling again. (Yes, I do sometimes get to the point I’m so in the pit I don’t shower.) Thanks for writing this. It helps when we’re open about sucking from time to time. The cameraderie makes it easier to pull ourselves out.

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    1. haha I completely get what you mean about not showering… I am the kind of girl who usually has face/hair done even when I’m just home folding laundry. When I don’t shower for a day then I know I’m getting into sucky quicksand.

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  11. I got pregnant in early 2016, accompanied by hyperemesis gravidarum. I drastically lost weight, I couldn’t function as a human being. I had to quit my job. By the time I felt better (around week 32), there were other complications that led to being put on bed rest. In the end I developed preeclampsia. The treatment for it really affected me (though not the baby, thankfully- caught it in time). That on top of a year of pretty much no activity, I had no physical strength. All the time I was aware of how much I sucked and thought I should be able to get things together. Postpartum hit pretty quickly. I felt so guilty for how our house and lives were falling apart. Little man was about six months before I started not sucking so much. I look back now and think life was trying to give me an opportunity to heal and I just wasn’t listening. Slowly adding self love activities, being patient with myself, and adding things gradually helped. I often overwhelmed myself trying to do too much. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  12. Life is so hard and deals out so many bumps and bruises that we should be kind to ourselves. You are not alone. We all suck in our own unique ways. I sometimes think that the only talent I have is being utterly untalented!

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Never beat yourself up for being a superwoman who can do anything from healing an injured finger by kissing it to everything with all of our hats (roles). Us moms will never suck!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I appreciate that, but I wouldn’t be honest with myself if I didn’t acknowledge that there are many times I don’t do something well enough, or I made a mistake, or I was just plain wrong. Part of what makes me feel like I am a good (hopefully) parent is that I always question what I do. I believe that to be better is to evaluate what I have already done and learn from it. If that means that sometimes I suck, and believe me sometimes I really do, then I can look at that and see how I can not suck next time.

      Liked by 1 person

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