Interesting word–envious. I am pondering it and find I have a lot of thoughts. Sorry for hogging the comments–so if interested, read on: I have short pangs of jealousy now and then that come and go from things like gorgeous hair and skin (I’ve always disliked mine) to a dream job (I’m not sure I’m doing my dream job right now), to a pair of shoes or cool car or something ‘material’ like that. But those pangs are easy enough to refute and pray away and they rarely build into true envy for me.
As a child abuse survivor there is also a grief process that can seem like a form of jealousy or envy and which I used to beat myself up for feeling. See, I feel very strong emotions whenever I see children interacting with their parents or caretakers–if they are being lovingly cared for, I feel pain very deeply. I am grieving what I lost in my own childhood. It is sometimes hard for me NOT to cry in such moments as it can be intense witnessing it; but then later I am actually filled with hope that there is good in the world and that children ARE being loved. On the flip side, when I notice children who are obviously neglected or being mistreated I usually get really angry in the moment, also an intense reaction, and then I have learned to allow myself to grieve it and feel the pain of it, later in private.
What I find myself getting envious over is relationships that I do already have but maybe don’t think ‘measure up’ like if someone seems to have a ‘better’ marriage or more intimate relationship with their children than I seem to have. Usually I can get carried away into outright envy in those cases–thinking that everyone else has strong, intimate relationships that come ‘easily’ and that I am suffering from a lack or that I’ve screwed things up beyond repair or something and then the envy sets in fairly quickly. In reality, we all need to work at intimacy in relationships and we can’t control the other half of any relationship; and intimacy is born from conflict and resolution of that conflict. So if I’m in conflict with someone I’m just ‘halfway toward intimacy.’
I’m very sorry you had to go through such tough moments. The fact that you went through it made you realize and appreciatr the importance of a strong child-parent relationship, and furthermore, you realize that it’s not an easy task to have one. It’s a constant work. I believe that whatever you can see in some circumstances are just moments in time, not the definition of that relationship. Maybe they work just as hard as you to have a strong relationship or maybe they don’t and they only have a moment of bonding. Either way, you can work harder on yours because you know how important such a relationship is. Thank you very much for sharing your life experiences from which we can all see why it’s very important to appreciate the strong relationships we have with the people around us. And if we have none, it’s the bloody time to create some.
Confidence.
What could help you gain some more?
Not sure.
Living life, chasing my dreams and doing it my way, don’t have time nor the need to be envious… 🙂
“If you don’t know where you’re going, you may miss it when you get there” ― Kathleen Long, Chasing Rainbows
Love it! Life is too short to do it how everyone else wants it.
When I have the “perception” that someone else’s relationship must be better than mine
Very interesting! What can you do to make your relationship better?
I’m not sure
That Bodgan (DM) is a better blogger/writer than I am.
On Fri, Mar 1, 2019, 20:11 Pointless Overthinking wrote:
> Bogdan (DM) posted: “What makes you envious? ” >
😀😁
Thank you very much for your kind words, but I’m sure that I’m not 🙂
Oh, you are, alright! Most definitely are.
False expectations!
How come?
Interesting word–envious. I am pondering it and find I have a lot of thoughts. Sorry for hogging the comments–so if interested, read on: I have short pangs of jealousy now and then that come and go from things like gorgeous hair and skin (I’ve always disliked mine) to a dream job (I’m not sure I’m doing my dream job right now), to a pair of shoes or cool car or something ‘material’ like that. But those pangs are easy enough to refute and pray away and they rarely build into true envy for me.
As a child abuse survivor there is also a grief process that can seem like a form of jealousy or envy and which I used to beat myself up for feeling. See, I feel very strong emotions whenever I see children interacting with their parents or caretakers–if they are being lovingly cared for, I feel pain very deeply. I am grieving what I lost in my own childhood. It is sometimes hard for me NOT to cry in such moments as it can be intense witnessing it; but then later I am actually filled with hope that there is good in the world and that children ARE being loved. On the flip side, when I notice children who are obviously neglected or being mistreated I usually get really angry in the moment, also an intense reaction, and then I have learned to allow myself to grieve it and feel the pain of it, later in private.
What I find myself getting envious over is relationships that I do already have but maybe don’t think ‘measure up’ like if someone seems to have a ‘better’ marriage or more intimate relationship with their children than I seem to have. Usually I can get carried away into outright envy in those cases–thinking that everyone else has strong, intimate relationships that come ‘easily’ and that I am suffering from a lack or that I’ve screwed things up beyond repair or something and then the envy sets in fairly quickly. In reality, we all need to work at intimacy in relationships and we can’t control the other half of any relationship; and intimacy is born from conflict and resolution of that conflict. So if I’m in conflict with someone I’m just ‘halfway toward intimacy.’
I’m very sorry you had to go through such tough moments. The fact that you went through it made you realize and appreciatr the importance of a strong child-parent relationship, and furthermore, you realize that it’s not an easy task to have one. It’s a constant work. I believe that whatever you can see in some circumstances are just moments in time, not the definition of that relationship. Maybe they work just as hard as you to have a strong relationship or maybe they don’t and they only have a moment of bonding. Either way, you can work harder on yours because you know how important such a relationship is. Thank you very much for sharing your life experiences from which we can all see why it’s very important to appreciate the strong relationships we have with the people around us. And if we have none, it’s the bloody time to create some.
Well said, agree. Thank you!
Other people’s success so I use it to motivate myself and then I stop being envious as I have achieved what I wanted.
That’s nice! How easy is it for you to switch from envy to motivation?
It takes some time to process but I’d say by the end of the day I’ve resolved the conflict and started working on how to achieve a particular task.
quite specifically – Mother’s who can handle three children, I’m working on it!
If you’re working on it, you’ll get better. I’m sure there are times you also make that look easy, but you know how much hard work is behind that!
Travel pictures. Like Santorini. I will get there someday.
I can relate to that! I also love traveling and I get envious when I see other people’s traveling pictures.
Sometimes, my own past.
Very interesting! What about your past makes you feel envious?