If you think knowing yourself is hard, try getting to know someone else. Like truly know that person. It’s another difficult task and we often hear about friends that betrayed themselves after 20+ years of friendship. Is it because of repressed feelings and frustrations? Is it because a low level of self and peer knowledge? We’ll probably never know, but the question remains… Can you truly know someone?
The most complex thing I find in this world is to figure out how and what a person is thinking and how that person’s feelings are. I find this very complex because our main way to communicate (words) is useless. Most of the time, our words are controlled and we let them out in a way that makes us feel good, but they might not be accordingly with what’s inside us. Also, maybe there are important parts in our minds that we’re not letting anyone know about.
Based on the fact that words are used to create a mask which hides our true self, how can we know someone? I think that the best moments are the ones when the conscience is asleep or when it’s taken by surprise. When this happens, a person acts based on instincts and on raw thoughts that come straight from the unconscious part of our mind, thoughts that are not filtered because of the asleep conscience. That’s why when someone is drunk, that person makes and says crazy stuff. It’s what that person deeply truly thinks and wants and there is nothing that can stand in the way. After the moment is gone, the regret kicks in because the conscience comes back into place. Conscience is the one keeping all the rules (social, legal and so on) and negotiates with the unconscious part what can be brought into the real world and what must be kept as fantasies because of the rules. Having a regret about something doesn’t always mean that you didn’t want to do it, it just means that you’re sorry you let your desire come to life.
Should we care about someone’s deepest thoughts? Only if you want to create a connection to that person. If you can figure out what’s in someone’s mind, you can behave accordingly and you’ll instantly get that person’s attention. We’re attracted to people and things that resonate with us because we feel that somehow our thoughts came to life and we want to see that.
Observing someone’s behavior in moments of weakness and then comparing that with the normal behavior can bring surprising results. If those two behaviors are somehow opposite, it means that he or she is doing whatever it takes to fit into society regardless the inner thoughts and desires. But if the “weak” behavior is an extension of the normal one, it means that he or she is trying to find a place into society according to the inner self.
Truly getting to know a person is very hard because there are too many factor that influences someone’s behavior and we are not mind readers. As I stated before, one’s behavior might not be what that person truly wants, but there might be other elements that determines that person to behave in that certain way. We might find some clues about the inner self of that person by observing the behavior and finding out what that person’s likes and dislikes are.
This is a very tricky puzzle with invisible pieces that change all the time and you might need to be in the right place at the right time to get your hands on a certain piece or it will be gone forever.