We can learn a lot from nature (I guess that’s why it’s called Mother Nature) regarding how unique can something be. Think about trees, for example. There are not two identical trees in the whole wide world. It’s impossible to have the branches exactly the same and the flowers/fruits/seeds/roots with the same size. Each tree is unique.
We, as people, are very much like trees, with one difference: we want to be part of groups. Because of this, we sometimes find it very hard to admit and act upon the way we are. Is it good? Is it bad? Who knows? It’s all about perspective. I’ve approached this idea a while back so I want to share it with you once again because we’re still unique, aren’t we?
How many times we’ve all pretended to be something that we’re not just to be liked by the others? It’s a great feeling to liked and to be part of a group, but if you’re liked for something that you’re not, are you really the one that it is liked? Do we really need friends and groups where we can’t be ourselves and we have to pretend? I’m not saying that we have to truly reveal yourself, but if someone asks you if you like tomatoes, you shouldn’t say yes if you don’t like them just to be part of the tomato lovers group.
Most of the time we are trying to fit in different groups. We’re trying to be liked by our work colleagues, we’re trying to be liked by our friends, we’re trying to be liked by our families, but when we’ll be trying to be liked by ourselves? The people around us are different and they like different things so if we’re trying to please everyone, it means that we have to behave different from a person to another. If we keep doing this, we are at the risk of losing our identity. If someone likes tomatoes and we behave around that person as we like tomatoes too, but if someone else hates tomatoes and we behave around that person that we hate tomatoes too, we’ll end up not knowing if we like tomatoes or not. We’ll like them around one person and hate them around the other.
Again, I’m not saying that you should say what you think, so if you think that someone is dumb, you shouldn’t say that to that person, but you shouldn’t say that you think he/she is smart either. I don’t think it’s appropriate to behave in a certain way just to please someone. Maybe more appropriate would be to behave in a way that will not upset anyone, but in the same time you should act accordingly to your beliefs.
It’s hard finding a balance between acting as you believe and not upsetting anyone at the same time. You’ll probably lose friends and you’ll upset members of your family, but at least you’ll know who you truly are. Doing this will probably bring you to an isolation because most of the people prefer to have “friends” that will never say anything that might hurt them and that will make them feel good no matter what. Those “friends” are people that want to please anyone just to feel liked, but do they maintain their identity? I don’t think so. You can’t be liked by everyone just because everyone is different, so what they like and dislike is different from a person to another.
So the question is do we need people around us that like us for what we’re not? I guess the answer depends if we want to be liked for what we are or for what we’re not.
Its great to be yourself. I think this is what success means..
Being yourself could be the definition for success. I never thought about it this way. Thank you for the revelation!
One of the many “detrimental concepts” that we have been led to believe and often value. Is that we should like others based on “similarities”. Whereas, the only similarity needed to like/appreciate others is our common denominator; being human. This misconceptions has robbed us for years of our ability to live freely, without seeking the approval of others.
We gravitate towards others with similar profile not because we’re trying to fit, but because our survival depends on it.
I’m not sure if our survival still depends on it, but if we stay true to ourselves, we’ll get in touch with others that really are similar to us. And if they’re also true to themselves, that’s how the strongest connections happen.
We should be an authentic version of ourselves wherever possible as it’s too tiring trying to keep up a facade that shows you to be something your not.
True! The problem is that if we keep up a facade, it might end up being a part of us. This might create future mental issues…
Anything worth doing wasn’t easy.
One of the scariest things that truly can happen to a person, is to lose their sense of self.
If this happens, then life is no longer worth it. Life becomes bland, without flavor or happiness.
Well, most of the time is not lost, but very well hidden 🙂
No, you don’t have to around the same people.
I agree, we don’t have to 🙂
Great article! It can be a tricky thing but I certainly want people to like me for me and be honest. Much easier but especially with coworkers sometimes it can be a little difficult in some cases
Thank you! It’s never easy when it comes to people because there are emotions involved…
That’s situation about tomato liking is really everywhere. So person that trying to belongs there and there just lying to him/herself. I don’t get to close to people that’s why I don’t have friends. Don’t need them. But from other side I like people because I see them like energy and like them for not something (tomato’s liking) but just for being people. Sure, There are too many morons around each person and I know that there is the same amount of great people as well.
There are indeed so many great people out there! I guess it’s just a matter of finding them 🙂
I’m friends with a lot of like-minded folks, but a few that are not. It’s all about those different perspectives. I just have a couple of them; but they chime in a lot.
How are those different perspectives helping you?
Different economic backgrounds or ethnicity help me to see who else is in the world and to tell their stories.