Every but says something, but what does it say? It says that there are some exceptions from what’s before the but. If we think about life itself, is neither good nor bad. Life is a series of events. We are the ones labeling it so we are responsible for the goodness or the badness life has.
For example, a car accident is bad, but for life itself it’s just an accident. For you might be nothing whilst for the driver might be a bad thing (if that person is still alive). What I’m trying to say is that an event, by itself, doesn’t have a valence. The viewer creates it. So when someone says that life is good or life is bad, that’s how that person sees it.
I often say that life is tough. My life is tough from time to time as probably it is for most people, but that time is not the same. Maybe my life is good whilst your life is tough or maybe it’s the other way around. The thing is that regardless its valence, life needs to be lived and it will be by someone. Things happen even though we consider them bad, just as good things will happen regardless if we consider them good or not. It’s just a matter of perspective.
What pisses me off the most is that we often label random situations as good or bad without having the patience to watch the outcome. We expect for some bad things to happen even though they might not. Many times I’ve heard people saying that they expect for the worst so they can be prepared, but I think we can be prepared without necessarily expecting the worst. When we expect the worst, we already experience some negative feelings even though there is no real reason for that. We make that up and then we feel bad because of the situation we made up. But guess what? The negative emotion is not made up. That’s real! And it has real influence. And it can become a habit.
Let me ask you this: from all the situations that make you feel emotions like anger, sadness or depression, how often they are triggered by real situations and how often they are triggered from imaginary ones? I know that even our reality is different from one person to another, but with reality I mean things that happened, not that will happen. Let’s say we are somehow entitled to feel emotions like the ones above when something did happened, but not when nothing happened.
Life is good, but when it’s not good, is it mostly because something happened or because we think something bad will happen?
Very true. Life is a journey we don’t know what came next but it’s our attitude and gratitude which decides whether coming situation will be good or bad. Everything in our life is from us, because of us.
And everything has its place based on where we put it. 🙂
Yes, you are absolutely right.
I try to see the positive in whatever I can. Sometimes, though, shit happens.
Yeah… shit happens… but I think it’s not a reason to ignore the positive.
Like I said…?
Good one 👏
This subject is very close to my heart. Life is …… even the so obviously bad ending … who are we to judge or know good or bad …
I think we can decide for ourselves if it’s good or bad based on what we thing. But I think we are allowed to do that when it comes to our life only, not for others.
All my situations that trigger those emotions are real ones. For they are so many that I don’t have time to make up imaginary ones. I think its how we react and interpret those situations. I’ve been in some bad accidents in my lifetime. But I feel good about having survived them. I could be mad at the recovery time or vehicles lost but I’m just glad to be up and walking around.
As you often do, you again proved how strong is your mindset and how much it’s oriented towards the positive things. That allows you to live life at its fully potential!
True, especially if you are like me and tend to be quite pessimistic. Equally true is that daily life puts as through soooo many different, small, stupid but totally unpleasant situations that it is very easy to reach the end of the day with a cup filled of negative emotions. Let’s only think about public transports or traffic stress, difficult colleagues or heavy workload in the office, lack of money or of a job, etc. For me it becomes extremely hard to stay positive, motivated, and look at the bright side. This is what is happening lately, I am experiencing a very bad lack of any kind of enthusiasm and so I am overall disheartened and grumpy almost all the time.
It seems you’re in a tough spot. My “strategy” is that whenever some small sh*t happens, I tend to look at the good I have in life by default (it took me a long way to get here). For example, if some stupid driver or person pisses me off, I try to think “Thanks God I’m ok and that I don’t have to deal with that person anymore”. Also, when something happens that requires money (my car broke down recently) I tend to look at how it could be worse and be grateful it’s not that situation. I don’t know if it would help you in any way, but that’s how I approach things.
This is an amazing system, be proud of yourself for having achieved it!! The “thanks god I don’t have to deal with that person anymore” is great. Unfortunately I cannot apply it to small sh*t happening daily at work, with difficult colleagues I cannot avoid because we are obliged to work together on some projects. I still need to invent a method to deal with this 😀
Agree I have experienced this.. When we think something bad will happen, most of the times it does..
And I love this” Life is not good or bad, its a series of events
Thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts!
All negative things have positive in them. Unfortunately people see only bad side, that’s one who refused to think out of the box. I love my life with everything that is is giving me. I love the sunny side of it. And I love the storms that teaching me to overcome them, learn, challenge myself. That’s what is life! I can’t get people with depression, they consider life as a bad event. But why? Life it is as it is and only we can make ourselves happy and satisfied. Depression is an ego part that doesn’t let people think out of the box. “Inch by inch life is a cinch and yard by yard it’s really really hard” said John Bytheway and he was right. It is hard but whatever! 😊😊😊 I better enjoy every my minute instead of wasting it complaining. 🌺
Congratulations! I think depression is actually the lack of ability to see the good in life. Those people need to be taught how to look at the beautiful side of life again.
True. When the person staying in Now he/she sees beautiful things. When the person in future or in past he/she always in pain. 😉😊😊😊
It is all the filter we are looking at an incident through. Changing “But” to “And” shifts perspective. Life is good, and sometimes life seems random, vs. Life is good, but sometimes life seems random. Subtle difference.
Thank you very much for this and I totally agree with you! The thing is that people who look at life from a “but” perspective, need to feel understood. They need to realize they’re not alone and that even though they might be on the “but” side now, there is another one too.
Exactly! We are all on the “but” side at sometimes, for me it is when I’m being defensive!
Nice one. I loved the picture you used.
Thank you very much!
Isn’t it always about perspective? I can bitch and moan about losing some money, dealing with stairs or traffic or I can think, I had enough resources to feed me for the week. Not as I wanted, BUT I’m not without food. I got to see a friend. Sleeping upstairs allows me to open a screened window and cool down the room. Balance – perspective – and the odd moments of peace in which we can really tell the neurotransmitters in our brains to get back in line. Seeking the positive I think helps to drop that “but” our of the situation.
Yes! Seeking the positive is the key to changing our perspective.