Sh*t happens, right? What do you do when it happens? How do you react to that so you won’t lose your mind every time when it happens? What is your default mode?
This default mode is something I’ve heard from Gary Vaynerchuk and it refers to where your mind goes when things get rough. If your mind goes to creating even more frustration by bringing into your attention some additional sh*t, then it might not be so helpful.
The Positive Default Mode
This refers to having a positive place in your head where you go whenever life throws lemons at you. My positive place is my health and my family. Whenever something bad happens, my mind goes by default to “Thanks God me and my wife are OK!” or “Thanks God it’s not worse!” and it automatically searches for solutions or ways to overcome that.
I must admit that this default mode wasn’t there a few years ago. It took lots of effort to get here, but the benefits are huge compared to going to some dark places from my mind.
Search for positivity when sh*t happens
This is something we hear over and over again and we know it’s not something doable every time. The good thing is that in time, it gets easier, it becomes the default mode, and when that happens, you become unbreakable! Do not underestimate the power of positive thinking because it makes life better by not allowing you to spiral down into negativity.
Don’t underestimate the impact!
Of course, balance it is required. The default mode doesn’t stop you to see the bad situation, it only stops your mind from making things worse, which happens more often that we’d like to admit. It’s tough to control your thoughts? Sure it is! Does it have to stay tough? Hell NO!
How does your default mode look like?
My default mode for a crisis is utter calm. I put the worry section of the brain on hold and think through my options to solve the problem. My husband is great at brainstorming. Together we think up a plan. As an everyday default mode as a writer I have my head in the clouds, and when my feet touch earth I aim to be kind to people. – Rebecca
That’s a great default mode! It’s one of the most helpful default modes I ever heard! 😀
Thanks, Bogdan.
I sink into despair, the worlds gonna end, it’s the worst ever and then I dig deep and pull myself out and save the day – I’m not sure if it’s good or bad but it works for me
How long does it take between the sinking and the pulling out?
Usually around three days; sun up, sun down, then ‘I’m gonna do something about this!’
I have a positive default mode and I’m learning to let that go because it’s not serving me anymore. This seeing the “silver lining” keeps me stuck by thankfulness-Stockholm-Syndrome in the same emotional place forever. What is the worst that can happen if something shitty occurs, and I go “This IS a steaming pile of crap and I’m right in the middle of this” …. ride that wave till it ends ….. and It does end, every single time. So does happiness. So does loss. So does victory and defeat. Why do we feel the need to put a positive spin on things? Holding ourselves emotionally hostage to one set of emotions while fleeing or being clenched with another? I’m learning to be porous to feelings and events and guess what, I’ve discovered a brand new sense of humour I didn’t know I had 😊
As someone who experiences depression and anxiety, I really relate to this. I found I was spending a lot of time trying to fight feelings, to be positive. While I am definitely working on my mindset, I’m also less fixated on coloring everything happy. Our minds learn how to react to things based on previous situations that seem similar, so learning to accept my emotions is helpful. Calming the mind is faster when you are more accepting and fight yourself less. I often have to tune out my inner critic or I would seriously get nothing done, but otherwise I do find it’s made a difference on my overall wellbeing. Learning we don’t have to be happy all the time, that emotions are up and down, was important to my mental recovery.
The default mode for me is my home. From home I don’t mean the place I live in , but a place where I can get my peace of mind. The home is basically like a base camp where no matter how many times you fail, you will always get shed to feel secure and to feel that everything is not over yet. There is something I can do for solving my crisis. For me it’s my family that is the peace of my mind with which I can think of the solution to my problems and not on the dire consequences that I could face….
I think we feel the need to put a positive spin on things because we’re not willing to feel what’s after that. People want positive if the negative cannot be handled. Or maybe they experienced only the negative until that point and they’re sick of the negative. Bottom line is that people are driven by emotion and when it’s strong, it seems to last forever and once we strongly believe it will last forever, we’ll see only the shit in everything. At least, that’s what I see at the people around me.
I find it difficult to search for positive thoughts when bad situation happens. Not to mention blogging during down time.
How do you handle the bad situations?
It takes time to heal. So I took a break and didn’t blog for a week.
Practicality becomes my default mode when it hits the fan. What are our options? What is the most reasonable given the circumstances? Can this thing be made to work?
Right now, one of the cats has been ill – I’ll spare the details. As such, he’s in quarantine until we can drop him off at the vet – and we’ll see what happens then. My husband has already gone down the “What if he’s dying?” path. Well… If he is, he is. I will cry and howl and snuggle my other fur kids close, but until I know that’s the answer… Maybe he just ate a June Bug. Or is stressed because we are.
Basically, information is my sword and shield when I need a default mode.
Yes! Information makes the difference between reality and imagination. I’m very sorry to hear that about your cat. I hope he will be ok.
Thank you. It’s just a matter now of waiting on his labs, and possibly doing a sonogram.
Looks like diabetes. Which means not only do we get to change his food – we get to change how we feed the other cats. No more free feeding – it’s time to eat or else! They are not amused.
And I’m sure you’re not either since you need to stick to their schedule…
It has actually turned into less of a production than expected. There has been a lot of “Oi! Aren’t I cute? Don’t you want to put the food back out?” but that’s about it. Thank all that’s merciful.
I used to go to panic and fear. Now I”m learning to get into acceptance rather than fight stuff. It helps a LOT. It’s so easy to feel bad for feeling bad. But sometimes life just happens. Now happens to be a very tricky time of my life and I was feeling very down last week. Then my sponsor reminded me, “Andrea, your problem is not what is happening. It’s that you are not in acceptance that it is happening! Surrender and you will have peace.” And just like that, I did. Amazing.
This is a great approach! What determined you to make this change?