Hi everyone,
Let’s talk about time with our loved ones today. People who are important for us.
No one is entirely alone. We all either have some or all of our families and a few friends. But we still often feel alone. Why is that?
There are many reasons for this, as nothing is one-directional. But I believe that one major reason is that we isolate ourselves. Most of this isolation is forced by the modern system in work life. The fact that traveling and living far are much easier now compared to before is also very effective in that aspect because many people live in other places than where their families are. Both these factors mean that we spend less time with our loved ones. We see them much less often. Because we see them less, we tend to start forgetting that they are a part of our lives. We have become who we are thanks to them. When we start forgetting them, we tend to call or meet them less often. In time, we may rarely see some people that we deemed important before. When that happens, the few people in our lives become fewer.
We are not to blame for this. Modern life is forcing us in that direction and I do not think it is possible to stop that progression. We will be in it. But I do believe that we can make it slightly better. One way I found really useful is to make it an obligation for myself to call the important people in my life for at least five minutes a day (or every other day). I used to call them more rarely and speak longer. But now, it is shorter and more often. This consistency helps condition my brain that these people are still a part of my life and I can talk to them when I need to. Another similar thing is to force on ourselves some trips to visit some of these people even if we believe we don’t have time. Because more often than not, we do. We just forgot some important part of our lives. Parts that require some time. When we go there, spending actual time with them is also important. These efforts on our parts signal to our brains that we take these people seriously and we dare not forget them. And that reduces the loneliness we feel. It also fulfills our natural instinct to bond with our likes. The lack of this fulfillment is a major reason of the feeling of emptiness.
What do you think? Are you in enough contact with your family and friends? Is there anything you do specially so you know they are important for you? How much time do you dedicate to your loved ones and what do you do in that time? Let’s chat.
Well said on a great reminder! I know I could definitely use better communication with some of my loved ones.
That is what I am realizing lately too!
I am worse to communicate with my friends and whatever family left. I am not judgemental but sometimes I think communication should be through our mind. But my mind is always busy finding something. I can’t communicate well others if I finds out how selfish the person is. I know that I am wrong because nobody is perfect including myself. But my mind is set up: communicate if you really care or love or empathy for other person otherwise not. I know this is my bad habit which I need to overcome.
People are different in their needs but I believe the need to connect with family and friends is one of the universals. I was also bad at communication, partly because I have been living away from my family for many years now: different cities and countries. I am also working on this habit of mine. I started seeing how better just a few little trucks made me feel and I am getting more encouraged.
I have a teeny, tiny family. There’s just my two sisters who live in the UK but who visit frequently and we Facetime weekly.
That is nice! This kind of contact is not very common!
I relate with my parent and sibblings constantly without conditions attached. But for my , close friends and other close relations, it depends on how much the person wants to commit to the relationship. I relate more with those who are interested. For example if I seek any of them for like three times through calls or visits and they don’t give the same treatment, I tend to live them alone. I hate forcing myself on people because I assume they won’t appreciate me. I’m grateful I have a good number of them who relate well with me. So I’m contented. Great post.
I agree that if you tried and it is not working, there is no point in forcing it to work. And I also agree that family needs a different treatment than friends. Family is just unconditional. Thanks for dropping by and commenting!
“Family is just unconditional” – deserves a banner to highlight.
It is an important point indeed.
There are some friends who remembers, recalls but do not call, not because they don’t want to talk but cannot. Some takes the initiative while some are merely responsive. This reminds me of my latest post on Interactive Psychology relatable to friends too. Request you to take a look for 7 types of such behaviours that can exist. What I mean, we are not sure if a friend is waiting for our call.
I will check your post!
I make more of an effort to maintain bonds and let people known on thinking of them because it makes a world of difference to relationships and how you make people feel 🤗
Exactly!
Stick to Islam. It will keep you sustainable and connected.
Can you explain?
Islam asks us to take care of our parents. It’s better for them, for younger people, and also for society as a whole.
Yes it does. I am a Muslim too but I wanted to know what you had in mind.
Yes, correct solution. The calling atleast once everyday becomes automatic once we feel/recall their importance.
Yes!
Thanks for this eloquent post
Thank you for the lovely comment!
I devote a good bit of time to family and close friends. And there are great rewards for it, at least for me and I hope for them. As I close in on retirement I can’t wait to spend even more time together. But I do remember lonely times when my life was out of balance (too much work).
Once we start spending time with family and friends, we realize how lovely it is and kind of regret the times we spent lonely.
I spend as much time as I can with those I love. Doing whatever. Even the mundane can become an adventure in good company. I like to leave notes, send texts or messages or little random gifts. If I am thinking about you I let you know because I know too well how fleeting life can be.
This sounds great! Keep that going. It makes people happy!
I live in another country to where I grew up so I have to make a real effort to stay in touch with people, but eveyone is worth the effort.
I also live in another country and I feel you! But yes, everyone is worth the effort!