The human behavior is so unpredictable that understanding seems impossible from time to time. If you have a quick look world-wide, you’ll soon realize there are so many situations that seem SF, you’ll feel the need to double-check if you’re watching a movie or not.
So today I’ll mention my two fears that rule them all (sorry for the Lord of The Rings pun, but it’s been on tv lately and it seems I can’t shake it off) and I kindly ask you to say if you feel the same or not.
My first fear I want to talk about is the fear of screwing things up. I keep double-checking my behavior in the search of the perfect one even though I know that doesn’t exist. I’m afraid not to say or do something that will make my life disappear (not possible, but I didn’t say it’s a rational fear). Maybe it has something to do with the fear of judgement or that I’ll lose my “reputation” (whatever that is)? Right now, once I wrote this down in an almost logical way, it doesn’t seem that powerful (yeeeeey!).
My second fear is not doing enough things so I can fulfill my biggest potential (which I’m not even aware of). I strongly believe each and every one of us can do great things in life and that’s what I want to do. I want to achieve the best version of me (and my life) that I can. However, this might make me do stupid things and the fear described above gets activated.
So you see my dilemma? One fear pushes me to do certain things whilst the other pushes me in the opposite direction. There are times when it’s so God-damn hard to find a balance, that I feel like leaving everything and run (a thought that activates the first fear, since it would imply me to lose everything). But if I don’t do things, my second fear gets activated…
Being human is so hard… why can’t I be a cat? It would’ve been easier to “fulfill my destiny”.
Do you ever feel the same way or it’s just my own pointless overthinking acting here?