Hi everyone,
Let’s talk about how talking is essential in life today.
I am Turkish. I am culturally inclined to talk. We talk all the time. You can put two Turkish people who don’t know each other in the same room and they will find a lot of things to talk about. I can talk to a stranger for several hours like that. So, I don’t mean small talk here. It is talking just for the sake of communication. Talking without a purpose. Meeting for brunch and chatting randomly. It can also include expressing emotions without trying to achieve to solve the issue. It also is better in person. That kind of talking. Once, we were in an Uber car and the driver happened to be Turkish. He told me all his life story in our 20-30-minute ride, which surprised my friends. After all, he does not know me and I don’t know him. But this is not unusual in the Turkish culture.
When I moved to the US, I noticed people talk less. So, I started talking less, at least for my level of talking. Then, partly due to this, I started feeling worse. Not talking to people as much started isolating me and I was not used to isolation. This works for Americans, as far as I can see. But with my cultural background, it challenged me. Then, I decided to try to get back to talking. I did this by meeting different people so I would not bother a single person as much.
This got me thinking: Why do I need to talk? A few things came to mind, and I think they are all related. First, I realized that talking just for the sake of communication relieves me of my daily stress. That is the strategy I learnt to use against stress in my culture. Second, it keeps my connection with others going and I need this connection to feel inspired to write and to renew my purpose in life. Third, I notice that when I talk, people talk in response. In this way, they also relieve their stress. So, we start sharing more. All of these work to make me a better person. Not only do I become more easy-going when I talk (because I get rid of my stress), but I also connect with others better. Talking, I feel, makes me human.
This post has mostly been about me. But these are things that I have been thinking about, so I wanted to share with you. Are you a talkative person? If so, why do you think you like talking? If not, what other strategies do you use to relieve stress and connect with others? Let’s share.
I used to be. I talk very little now because I’m surrounded by people who live to criticize every single information or….listen to me even the accent! I have plenty of people I can talk by phone so I’m ok. So sad not to talk freely
Hmm, that is hard. Do you think there is a way you can communicate this to them so they will not behave like this?
I already tried . they don’t trust deeply others. I’m not going to educate anybody anymore I feel fine . 😉
Yes, if they don’t react in a better way, you should not try, I think. In such cases, either you can try to find more trustable people from other social circles or you can try to learn surviving without talking. You seem to have chosen the latter.
Reblogged this on To Write or not to Write and What to Write.
I can relate to what you are saying. I am Lebanese and just like you guys, we talk a lot. I think it is a Mediterranean/eastern way of being. We love talking for the sake of talking.. and gossiping lol
I heard that about Lebanese people! I think it is a general pattern in that area. And yes, gossiping is a thing too. That is a nice-so-nice side effect of talking that much.
*not-so-nice
I like learning about cultural differences. We so often think we are the same. This is especially true when looking at countries that share our language; we expect them to be identical and are confused when they’re not. I like that talking and interacting is a thing in Turkey. I like knowing that isolation is not a cultural phenomenon everywhere, that community still exists out in the world.
Yes it does! I was not aware of this as much until I started living abroad. But the difference in the amount of interaction between people was strong enough for me to notice and have to adapt to. We do have a lot of similarities but we also have differences that might be important.
That’s something I read Fabulous today.
Thank you for this nice comment!
I relieve stress by being silent and walking in nature where the absence of human noise allows me to hear everything else in our environment. Gabby people give me a headache and I prefer reading to listening, because it’s quieter. I was more chatty when younger but am less anxious and neurotic now.
I think we need to be silent at times. Talking is a way to relax, but it should not be the only way. It is a big part of my way of dealing with stress due to my upbringing and personality. But this might depend on cultures and individual s. Still, though, I think it is better to talk at times if we are going to hold our.emotions within. It helps us get things out so they don’t bother inside.
Age is a factor too, as you pointed out.
Conventional thinking in England – in fact, in the UK widely, is that people are more talkative and immediately friendly to strangers the further away from London and the south-east of England that you travel. It’s a generalisation, of course, but I think there’s a lot of truth in it. Another ‘internal’ cultural difference I notice is that people from the south of England appear to speak at a louder volume than elsewhere in the country.
I did not know this! Thank you for sharing this!
Talking does all these and more.. thanks for the insights, Betul
Thank you for dropping by and commenting!
To cope with stress I knit and/or sing. My mother in law talks to cope with stress, so does my sister, it’s tiring to be around them lol when all they wanna do is talk. My complaint is that they don’t want a dialog, like you say you do, they talk at you, not with you. But when people talk expecting an answer, I love it, having a dialog with others makes me feel fulfilled and happy. It’s a really healthy interaction which I really miss here in the US.
I agree! I have a tendency to talk but I try to do my best to make others talk when I am talking too. That is how I try to avoid having one-sided conversations while also expressing myself. I don’t know how successful I am, though. I can also see how tiring this could be to others:)
Hi this is a great post 👍. You addressed a really important subject and I agree with your perspective and approach to this. I really believe staying in touch by meeting in person and talking over the phone is really important versus text messaging and social media. Real connections and meaningful bonds and conversations are formed and maintained through in person interaction, talking. Look forward to your future posts. Stay blessed, Sophie.
Thank you for the nice comment! I agree to your points. We need to fulfill our natural tendency to interact.
Although I’m a quiet person most of the time, I love to talk! You’re right it does make everything more pleasant for all involved in daily life. i hope that we do always remember this, that a kind word well-spoken may often bring unexpected joy into anybody’s life. Thank goodness I’m getting my hair done next week, because I love to chat up my friendly hairdresser! Talk about stress relief and celebration of living as the scissors clip away!
Love this post. Thank you for the reminder of living well with others!
Thank you for this nice comment! A joyful conversation indeed brings others joy as well as us! It is healthy!
I’m quiet too but also love a good chat, finding a good hairdresser, beauty and masseuse who talk just the right amount is gold
Those are good!
Talking a lot tends to drain me. I don’t mind talking to others and being social but I get energized when I’m quiet and by myself. #introvertproblems 😁
I can see that:( When I talk more than a certain amount, it also drains my energy, although I like talking. We can just adjust our levels.
Wow, the cultural differences you point out are really interesting. I like to talk, too, and I think Aussie’s are a pretty chatty bunch generally. I love to hear interesting details about people’s lives … maybe it’s a writer thing? It’s not just collecting ideas for characters, it’s more to learn about life and experiences I haven’t had myself.
I also think being a writer has an effect. Talking to people started my writing journey because I was pleasantly surprised at how similar our experiences are. I am glad Aussie’s like talking too, btw!
Tesekkur ederim:) I spent a happy week in Istanbul with my family last Summer and everyone we met was so helpful, chatty and friendly, even the cats:):)
Ne demek:) We teach our cats haha:) All that is true, though.
One of my new years resolutions this year is to make more phone calls. I was reflecting on how much time my Grandma used to spend on the phone each night – I don’t want to go that far lol but I want to feel comfortable ringing a friend for a chat and I need to practice it cos it’s not the norm anymore
That is something I need to practice as well. I like talking in person but not on the phone. In this day and age, though, I can’t meet everyone in person. Instead of not talking, I should get used to making phone calls too.
I think this culture is all over Asia, in India too. Talking really helps.
True. It is a common feature of many Asian cultures.
Right ♥️
🙂
You have put your finger on something. It is difficult to find people in the US who enjoy conversations as much as people seem to in Spain and Latin America. I cannot speak for other regions I haven’t visited. Thanks for this insight. -Rebecca
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Yes, I think there is a difference. I don’t know Spain and Latin America, haven’t been to either. But I can see how they can be because they seem to share certain things with the Turkish culture.
Yes, warmth and hospitality. I have a dear Turkish friend here.
Great!
lots of comments here…but i love the post as well..u hit the nail on the head with us americans..we aren’t quite “british”- by that i mean stoic, but i guess more reserved than many other cultures in some ways…i did not know this about the turkish …makes me wanna move:)
You can totally move. I know some Americans that moved to Turkey:) Americans actually like talking but as you say, it is less than many cultures. That is why it might be a challenge for people from those cultures. The challenge would be bigger in some other cultures:)
I am quite a talker and think some of it is because I find silence to be awkward. Unfortunately my husband is the opposite, so I’ve learned to tolerate silence more over the years particularly on long car rides.
My parents are similar and I think same goes for my mom:)
I used to be an Introvert so you can figure out how much I talked. FYI None, unless it was very important. But now since I am trying my way into writing, talking seems to make me feel confident. I learn a lot from people who share their stories and i get to network and meet new people.
However, there comes my introvert side sometimes when I want the other person to be silent for some time. Great Post.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I write stories on my personal blog and it is based on other people’s and my experiences. I learnt from other people via talking with them. It is a great way!
I do exactly the same on my blog now. It’s a great way to share my and other peoples’ experiences with the world.
Exactly!
This is so true in my life as well. Thank you for writing to remind us of the importance of face to face interactions with others for the sake of human connections.
Thank you for reading and commenting!
I wish I talked more actually. My Husband is more of a talker in social settings. I guess I’m just shy and afraid to say something wrong.
Differences are ok. I think the goal should be to try to be in the middle, not too shy nor too talkative.
I wasn’t talkative growing up, but now I love talking to other people! Even random people! It is fun to get to know other people and to share God’s love to them regardless of race or religion.
I agree! It is a nice feeling!
Great blog topic. I too am a talker. Puertoricans are similar. We can tell you our life story in less than 5 minutes of meeting you. In addition, I hate the silence that sometimes happens when someone has nothing else to say, so I will come up with some random topic. lol
I have the same tendency 🙂
I love talking, I’m mostly a listener in conversations, but I do find it very easy to talk to strangers. Here in the UK, it depends on the people around you, some are talkers, some are very private. Some one above pointed out that Londoners aren’t very friendly, I’d say that when living there for two and a half years, I learned they just want to get from A to B without any hassle from drunks or anyone drugged up.
As much as I enjoy talking to people, there are two rules I have made for myself: 1, when conversation starts running dry, let it go. There’s no use in dragging something out when it’s come to it’s end. 2, even social butterflies have to rest their wings. It’s not that I get drained in talking to people, it’s more of recognising alone time is good now and then.
Good points! There are types of conversation and everyone might enjoy some of them but not others. And even if we like a certain type of conversation, we all need a break from the things we like at times.
Absolutely. Thank you for this post and a pleasure to meet you. 😁
Nice to meet you too!
Just thinking out loud (or as out loud as typing will allow…)
How it works for you (or not) has a lot to do with how you grew up (including your culture) and who you are (the individual.) Some people can never stop talking (I am alternately talkative and closed mouthed), some can never start, and how receptive they are to others talking can vary as well.
I have known people who I could sit in a room with in a comfortable silence, others who would be suffocated in that silence and insist that I speak.
We all have our ways…
That is right. I believe, however, that all humans need to talk to an extent as part of our emotional and societal state. But the extent might vary from person to person and even within an individual.
Im very talkative, but my husband is not and he is terrible at listening. Im lebanese american but i live in lebanon. Lebanese are talkative when ut comes to small talk and gossib, but im not into those things. I like deep topics, as you can tell if you read my blogs.
I like talking about deep topics as well and I can see how irritating it might be if you don’t have people around you to talk about them. But a middle ground might be possible.
Thanks
I am an Indian and in our culture, social relationships take the front seat. Generally, it is the older generation who takes out time and effort to engage with people. Some of it comes out of curiosity and the ability to ask personal questions ( and also not offended when others ask them ) . But nowadays, especially the millennials are transactional in their interactions. We don’t want to share much or know much unless it is with our closest friends.
Personally, I love talking to new people, knowing new stories and their perspective on things. However, my energy gets drained if it is too much of social interaction. In that case, I spend time with myself with my mind doing all the talking while I keep calm.
I think there is a similar change in my culture, too, although young people still love to talk.
Also, I like people a lot, but if I am with people for too long, my energy also gets drained. I think we need to balance it out.
Excellent post. Releasing the valve on stress begins with talking about the issue. Donkeys make life better.
Yeah!:)