Obviously technical skills are important in life. But it’s other qualities that make you a good person, a good human being.
Someone, in other words, who leads a good life.
Does the question seem random? In fact, it’s intrinsically connected with the pursuit of humane and skillful wisdom. I’ll follow up on this question in the future.
So what do you think? If you’re unsure, you might try reflecting on individuals you admire, and what you find admirable about them. Or, considering your own values, and what’s most important to you.
What are some personal qualities that make one a good person?
Or at the least, qualities which directly contribute to making someone a good person?
–MV
(Philosophic Advisor Cleveland’s website and blog can be found here.)
Stoicism
That covers a lot of ground! How about within Stoicism? Or, what are the most important qualities for developing Stoicism?
Daily practice
Patterns
Not words and not the occasional action, but patterns of PROACTIVE behaviour make for a “good” person
Some of these patters are
1. Surrounded by good people – who measure their worth by doing esteemable things – like take pride in their jobs, volunteer, are passionate about their hobbies, open minded, environmentally conscious and responsible etc.
(You are not “good” by contrast….. like u’re not thin because u hang out with the morbidly obese. You are only as good as ur worst family member or friend u associate with) ….. being good is brutal business 😊
2. Have good habits that you do like on an autopilot mode and not when u think u are being watched ….. patterns my friend 😊
3. Readers of books
4. A person who has a clear idea of her / his contribution to the world and who derives her/his sense of worth in the pursuit of that
5. Helps without looking for thanks or a reward
6. A good person doesn’t know she/he is good ….. they’re too busy DOING good. “Definitions belong to the definers, not the defined” – Toni Morrison 😊
Thanks for the thoughtful input! How did you come up with those six qualities?
From where I am in my journey of self discovery actually 😊
These must also be important for the person seeking to become good, then.
A sense of humor, empathy, learner and educator, humility and goodwill!
I like that you put “sense of humor” first — that’s intriguing and different!
It looks like you’re seeing “learner and educator” as sort of one quality. Is that the same for “humility and goodwill”? I mean, do you mean to connect those two into, in a way, a single quality?
Hi,
I see similarities in the learner-educator, however, as individual characteristics it’s important to be a learner of ideas, topics and cultures and capable of educating individuals during life and events. The same holds true for humility and goodwill. Separating the two and applying the idea of being humble while aiding others without receiving for those efforts is a wonderful characteristic! I hope this helps…
I see! It’s also interesting that you suggest every person should in some way be an educator.
My ability to see life through perspectives of truth, my openness to learn, my sense of empathy, and my compassionate heart.
Thanks! Can you elaborate on “perspectives of truth”?
A huge portion of my work revolves around understanding ourselves and others through perspectives of truth. It’s the understanding that our own unique experiences create what we believe, so each person is going to see things differently. It’s not about absolutes. When we learn to be curious about our whys, we start to ask more questions and make less assumptions about others. We better our communication and stay open. Here’s a piece I wrote all about it: https://fromalovingplace.com/2019/02/12/90-day-a-better-me-series-day-43-perspectives-of-truth/
I understand, that’s a great point!
Kindness, respect, and confidence.
Interesting triad! Do those three somehow balance each other out? Or maybe I should say “inform” each other rather than “balance”…
Honesty. Always honesty. I have little patience for falsehood.
So honesty would be THE central quality. Any other supporting qualities that an honest person needs?
Hm… Honesty on its own could be damaging. Honesty and kindness together, then.
Of course, that can be taken too far as well. Sometimes, people avoid being honest because they don’t want to hurt people, yet being honest may be the very thing to bring healing between those parties. Tricky stuff, this honesty.
Fine. I’ll add a third:
Honesty, with kindness and wisdom.
Kindness as a quality to guide honesty, or at least limit it — seems like a good combination.
Great example of how kindness could go to far in limiting honesty!
That observation reminds me of how some theorists approach qualities like kindness: they suggest that when kindness goes too far, it stops truly being kindness, and becomes something else.
Graceful and Humble Honesty and Truthfulness
I like the structure of that: honesty, and truthfulness, both of which are graceful and humble. Did I understand that right?
Yes, crushing people with honesty is not good. But kindness, if at all needed voicing.
I understand. One shouldn’t, from a place of ill will, use truth as a weapon.
One of my favorite historical figures is Oskar Schindler. Forgive my bluntness, but what I like about him is before he did anything heroic, he was a failed businessman, a dreamer of sorts, and a womanizing alcoholic.
empathy without or before ideology, I think is key to being a good person.
I feel bad for murderers. I know they did a heinous thing but now they are being judged by the whole world and they are alone.
My last two traits are the ones whose opposites have hurt me the most; honesty and loyalty.
“Empathy without or before ideology.” I like that! And I agree, I’ve thought something similar for a long time.
What would you say are the opposites to honesty and loyalty? I know it’s obvious at one level, but I’m curious which words might best name the opposites, in your mind.
I would say disloyalty and dishonesty. I think loyalty is pretty straightforward but honesty is a complicated one. People lie to themselves so much and sometimes don’t know what the truth is. It takes a sincere conscious effort to be honest.
Hmm, right, the matter of (dis)honesty with ourself is a big one.
I wrote a little bit about the honesty quesstion https://theundergroundman646.com/2019/11/29/to-tell-the-truth-what-it-really-means-to-be-honest/
Unknowingly lying seems like a major life hurdle.
This is something I’ve been thinking about and working on of late. Ethics, grace, kindness. Humour. A life of virtue (stoicism) so wise, courageous, temperate, and just.
Thanks Em, I enjoy the inclusion of Stoicism’s four primary virtues! But of course you mentioned some others first. It’s interesting you include “ethics” as a quality. What would this be? Trying to do the best/right thing?
Exactly. I spent a lot of my life with an active eating disorder and when you are struggling with something like that, you engage in some pretty unethical behaviour. So now, I strive for the opposite.
I get it. So, consciously/intentionally striving for the ethical. Thanks!
The ability to empathize. Being a good listener.
Those go together nicely!
Integrity 🌹💕
How might you describe (or define?) integrity?
Honest, trustworthy, being true to your Self; doing what is right even when no one is watching 👀
I’d say “being true to yourself” is the most unusual part of that description. It makes a lot of sense in connection with the word “integrity.”
A good person is someone aware of his/her feelings and works toward inner growth constantly.
Self-awareness and a pursuit of what might be called wisdom? I appreciate that developmental perspective!
To me, it starts with the initial thought of, “what do you do if you find a wallet on the ground and no one is around when you find it?” That first initial thought defines what kind of person you are and where your moral compass is pointing.
What quality (or personal characteristic) would you say that represents? Maybe a number of them?
It’s depends on what your initial thought is.
If you have to think about whether or not to return the wallet or if you have the be nosey and check to see how much money is inside, that automatically shows where your moral standards are, which is not trustworthy.
Anyone who immediately comes across the wallet with an initial intention to get it back to the owner ASAP without a care to how much money is inside has a moral compass that points towards true north.
I rely on these things alone because money is a very high source of power and you will always see people’s true nature when it comes to the way they are around other people’s money.
Makes sense. It shows whether, and how, a person might be of two minds about something…
What quality (or personal characteristic) would you say that represents? Maybe a number of them?
The ability to think and to converse without showing bias and opening your mind to fluidity of ideas.
Very process-oriented, in a way.
in my opinion – a positive attitude. a person full of qualities but thinking negatively would only make the good part fade for seeing everything through the dark lenses, while somebody with less(er) qualities but a positive attitude would always be someone i’d like to have around, brighten up my days and inspire me to be positive as well.
Can a positive attitude ever be something negative? I suppose ti may depend on just what we mean by “positive”…
well, a positive attitude may not beat a negative one, or may not ‘cancel’ a negative fact, but it may definitely help in an unfortunate situation. i think of ‘positive’ as in seeing the good part of anything that we experience… what do you think?
That makes a lot of sense. And I appreciate the explanation of how you’re thinking of “positive.”
I suppose I was wondering vaguely about when we try to force ourselves to feel good (a different sense of “positive”) all the time. I mean, in a way where you don’t really acknowledge and experience the unpleasant feelings that occur in life. It seems like that can be damaging, and it’s what some people seem to mean by “positivity.” But I can see you are thinking of something more nuanced.
thanks for so clearly pointing out the many nuances that can derive from, well, just one word! i couldn’t have said it better – indeed, it’s not about forcing ourselves to feel good, it’s about trying to adjust our perspective until something good comes out of it.
Agreed! I even think of philosophy that way.
Can a positive attitude ever be something negative? I suppose it may depend on just what we mean by “positive”…
Being kind, nonjudgmental, and tolerant.
I feel like those three somehow fit together…
Understanding …
from here all the traits we see as positive many of them mentioned above, I think will develop (at least in most of us).
I think I see what you mean.
In certain traditions understanding is paired with intention. But then, the two are also viewed as being interdependent.
Caring
Do you have any points of reference in mind as that answer comes to you?
yes, for example, the other day I forgot my cup of coffee at home. And my coworker cared enough to let me borrow an extra mug they had and their coffee maker. caring, in taking the time to not be self-centered and genuinely be interested in how people are doing
Understood, thanks! I really like your explanation of that.
Do you think that notion of caring can somehow be extended to how someone relates to themself as well?
totally, like in terms of self-care, in making sure you take care of yourself when you feel overwhelmed/stressed. I think caring about yourself means you care about what brings you contentment, of having self love, a healthy self esteem/confidence, and self compassion too.
I suppose in a way then, caring means taking a genuine interest in how both others and yourself are doing.
Interesting how it begins to appear less of a oneself-vs.-others issue, and more of a caring-vs.-not-caring issue. That is, a taking genuine interest in genuine well-being. Does that make sense?
‘Why, then, ’tis none to you, for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. To me it is a prison. Well, then it isn’t one to you, since nothing is really good or bad in itself—it’s all what a person thinks about it. And to me, Denmark is a prison.’ Likely, such sorts of concepts (Will Shake.) tasted sour to someone like Tolstoy, much more, necessarily for him, toward affect and judgment. But. Any expression, even any notion of self, is discretely emergent and uses its own language, its own represented time. Plural ones (in living systems, complex,) result, likely, in consciousness, something of a singular, necessary again, or unavoidable topological confluence of information – in which you might get judgment, ‘what makes a person bad or good’. Hence, aside from delineating, a bit arbitrarily, what might be useful or harmful (to society, to a group, to a person, to the world, etc.,) : the lack of indifference, or at least relative lack. And per force co-emergent: the developed motivation that extends at least beyond a singular or biologically limited self or me.
So you’re thinking that Shakespeare may have preferred not to think of things as either good or bad?
…ah, no, actually at all. But that sort of judgment remains relatively absent from his works in a direct way. One could speculate his surprise at the reception of a character like Falstaff, whose character in Henry should provoke a sort of disgust. He is not at all display what, referring to the question, makes a good person. Still, many in the audience, most likely most determinately Elizabeth, never the less did like the character. I’m using literary works as a metaphoric, of course (what makes a work ‘good’, which implies definition of the word. Larger systemic expression reflected within, with you can say longer time or timeless aspects, and belonging to what those expressions convey.)
Oh. I see. In any case though (returning to your original comment), some level of concern which includes more than a narrowly drawn self — that would be an important quality making one a good person.
I shall ponder on this…ty
I think the most important quality to have is integrity. To take full responsibility for yourself, your actions, and your life.
How are you thinking about taking responsibility? I mean, what do you having in mind when you write “take full responsibility”?
I just mean taking ownership. Instead of blaming external circumstances for things in your life you don’t like, focus on what you can do to change it. People love to shirk their personal responsibilities and act helpless when it comes to certain problems.
Hmm, so focusing on what you can actually do is a big part of it.
This is a great question and even though it’s an overused word, I believe authenticity is by far the most important quality. If a person is authentic, so many other positive traits branch out from that.
I don’t like when I feel someone is giving me a controlled or altered version of who they are or when I feel like someone is trying to psychologically outsmart me with feigned innocence etc.
All human beings are deeply flawed, in my opinion. No person is without negative traits or moments but authenticity allows us to accept ourselves and others as we/they are. Authenticity is difficult for many of us but when we practice it, others appreciate it. Best wishes.
No problem, I think I know the post you intended it for.
Oops, now I’m the one commenting on the wrong post!
(So here’s a response for THIS post.)
Do you think authenticity can make one’s flaws less . . . . I’m not sure which words would be best here . . . less problematic or harmful?
Lots of excellent feedback here. I would be curious, if we boiled all of this down, ranked it by comments as “votes,” what would it tell us. I was going to say humanity, empathy then sacrifice.
That’s an interesting assessment. I think I understand what you mean by empathy. I’m curious about what you mean by humanity, and how you’re thinking about sacrifice?