SnapDragon Speaks: On The Mess.

Just Another Human, 2018. Acrylic on Paper. Original Painting by SnapDragon X.
All rights reserved.

I interrupt your regularly-scheduled blog reading to say:

SnapDragon is not okay.

Well, wait. That’s an exaggeration. I’m all right.

I guess what I mean is:

I get scared. I get overwhelmed. I get burned out.

Don’t get me wrong. All things considered, I live a very privileged life.

Security. Love. Comfort.

Creativity.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t have worries, or that I don’t feel pain.

Sometimes I feel:

like a fraud; like a failure; like a friendless hag.

Like everyone is smarter than me; no one understands me; people are so fucking fake.

It’s like teenage angst all over again.

But I also think it might be worse, because I’m supposed to be a Responsible Adult by now.

What excuse do I have?

Do more; be more; see more.

You’re too old for these foolish worries.

Get. it. together.

Really?

Then I ask you, in all sincerity:

When does it end?

When will I be truly comfortable in my own skin?

(a soft wind whispers among the trees)

Maybe never, Snap.

Maybe that is a part of the beauty.

Maybe–just maybe–that is what it means to be human.

. . .

SnapDragon is a writer. She’s working on her first novel, a novella, and a whimsical-yet-wonky blog. She enjoys chocolate-glazed donuts, Seinfeld, and high-quality body products.

Follow her Two-Bit Musings and more on Snippets of SnapDragon.

39 thoughts on “SnapDragon Speaks: On The Mess.

Add yours

  1. SDD I believe it is human, however, those of us that are naturally more sensitive and therefore creative are susceptible to feeling it more deeply- all is as it should be- keep it up acknowledging and sharing diminishes the feeling of being alone with it- thank you! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nice artwork, wouldn’t mind that one on my wall at home.
    Sometimes all the materials things (we’ve worked hard for) can’t compensate for feelings and emotions, but that’s OK. Let them out, let them free.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. When I was (much) younger, I used to think that this magical day would come when I was who I was going to be and meant to be and everything would be beautifully finished and perfect. I kept waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. I never felt “finished.” I never had my finances perfectly together. I got married and then divorced and got laid off. I found that I was always rushing around. It wasn’t supposed to be like that. But then I realized it was everything it could be. There was never going to be a perfect endpoint. (Well, there will be an ENDPOINT, if you get my drift.) But there was never going to be a time when I could sit in a comfy chair, sip a perfectly cold glass of tea, and think–wow, I guess I’m done. Life is always messy. I don’t know if that makes it more interesting or not, but it is the only way it can be. Thanks for reminding us that we need to be reminded to remember that it’s all perfectly fine if we dream of forgetting about how it all is.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Well said, Troy! I remember being a kid and thinking about who I would β€œbe” in high school. College. Adulthood. And really, the days just blend together. And these stages of life are there, yes, but we’re still just… us. Thanks, Troy. πŸ•Š

      Liked by 1 person

  4. When does it end?
    When will I be truly comfortable in my own skin?

    I think the day we live by our own thoughts, rules, conclusions, and ignore others’ prejudices, we will truly reach the end of one journey and the start of another.

    Hope you live a life of love πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, friend. And I wish the same for you. I think you are definitely on to something with the idea of ignoring β€œothers’ prejudices”. It can be a difficult thing to do, but we can try. Thanks so much for your comment. πŸ•Š

      Like

  5. We don’t always have to get it together. Like you said maybe that is part of the beauty. Maybe there is beauty to find in letting ourselves fall at times cause that’s when we are most human but at the end of the day, we still buckle up and just continue to try becoming better versions of ourselves. Breathe today, breathe tomorrow, repeat. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Good evening, I can feel the realness through your words and I relate so much to your blog post. I think what matters the most is to accept our feelings, both the good and bad. Sometimes sadness and tears can lead to a creative master piece. Good luck with your novel. I would like to thank you for liking my latest blog post β€œThe Silent Shaker Pearl 🀐πŸ’ͺπŸΌβ€. It meant so much to me. Have a lovely day. 🌸

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I was a medical oncologist for 40 years. Raised as a country kid in Minnesota, I attended Harvard, married, and honeymooned in a corvair en route to Baylor college of medicine in Houston. It was a wild ride, and I loved every minute of it. I figured I’d die at someone’s bedside at age any. Not a chance. I’m now unable to walk more than a few feet. But my head still works.

    And it wants to DO something. To recreate the bond I felt with each of a thousand patients. I can pour money at causes I support. But that gets me nowhere near where I long to be. Raised by an Irish catholic turned atheist and a non/-practicing Jew, I had had no business with God. So I tried christianity, got Baptised at age 64. Nope> I am what I am, not what I long to be. Someone said, “Life sucks, and then you die.” I’m tired of livin’and scared of dyin’, to swipe a phrase. It is what it is. I yam what I yam, I believe Popeye quoth.
    pk PeterKennedy MS MD. Lt col, USAMc, blah blah. Thanks SD, for the opportunity to wax pointlessly. peterskennedymd@gmail.com

    Liked by 1 person

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