Hi all,
This week’s post is a collaboration post. Khizer and I wrote this post together. Go check his blog. If you like Pointlessoverthinking, you will like his posts as well. He posts about self-reflection, personal development etc. and he is very insightful at that.
Having said that, enjoy the post below and let me know what your thoughts are on the topic!
Do they get excited when you share good news with them?
When you get good grades?
When you get a promotion?
When you share your success story?
And are they there for you when no one else is around?
When you feel defeated?
When you suffer a loss?
When the world seems to be ending for you?
If the answer to both sets of questions is yes then you are in a positive environment, no need to worry. However, if the answer to even one set of questions is no, I believe it is time to consider new friendships and let go of toxic ones.
At times your closest friends and even family members are the source of toxicity in your life but you fail to realize just because you have been friends with them for X number of years of because they are family. This justification does not make sense at all. You have every right to cut off from people who do not add to your cause or add any value to your life.
This can be one of the most difficult things in life. But you got to do what you got to do. Take this moment to identify people who are not adding any value to your life. Then go ahead and delete them from your Facebook friends list, unfollow them on Instagram. Also be mindful of where you are spending most of your time at.
If you ask successful people, the most common answers would include places like the gym, office, parks, conferences, training or any other productive place. Rarely would you come across any who say they spend a significant amount of time watching TV or Netflix. They are well aware of the importance of their time and make the most of it.
Another major factor that shapes our personality is our very own nature we are born with. Have you noticed siblings that grew up in similar family patterns and yet turned out to have very different personalities? Although there might be an effect of the different times siblings grow up in, sometimes differences between siblings are too big to be explained by mere change in time.
Some people are born as extroverts while others are geared towards a more introverted nature. Some like lazy days while others adore work. Some are more artistic whereas others are more for academic-like studies. We all have our tendencies.
The important point here is that no one is fully an extrovert or an introvert. No one likes lazy days at all times without fail and no one likes to work all the time. Most of us fall somewhere in between. What we should do, then, is to make the best use of our tendencies while keeping the variation in us alive so that we do not become bland, single-sided person.
Say you have artistic abilities. You ignore this and focus only on academic work. This falsely-located focus will eventually lead to internal conflict, unhappiness and even depression because you will not be true to your natural tendencies. Instead, you can try to improve your artistic abilities all along. This way, you will be you. You will be as you were meant to be. In the meantime, do not forget your academic studies, since you will need them in life.
Yet another factor is our education. Education is supposed to bring out the best in you. It should feed your abilities so that you can make the best of them, which in turn helps you become more peaceful and contribute more to humanity. That is the ideal. The reality is that a lot of education systems cannot accommodate the diversity of the students they have.
So, if you are an artistic person, you are probably going to be challenged harder in an education system which focuses solely on hard-core science classes and grades. You will probably be labeled as shy or aloof. This seems to happen quite often across the globe. Likewise, if you are an extrovert, you might find it harder to contain your energy if your classes are all the sit-in type.
You might need a classroom where you can walk around and perhaps work on projects. If this is not possible, you might be likely to be labeled as a naughty student that doesn’t care about school. The best we can do as students is to at least have some side project where we can pursue our likes.
Conclusion
The best we can do as parents is to send our children to schools that will help them (which requires an understanding of the strengths of our children). The best we can do as teachers is to try to accommodate as many students as possible with various types of activities and styles of teaching. If these all can work together, we can get a better result.
You might want to read another article that Khizer wrote some time back on changing one’s self for the better: https://reasonstolivefor.com/changing-yourself-for-the-better/
Do let us know in comments some ways you have implemented for a positive change in personality 😊
It is strangely soothing. Thankyou.
Thank you!
These are good points! I definitely fall somewhere in between introvert/extrovert; workaholic/couch potato. And I completely agree with everything you just said… 👌😊
You are one of the lucky ones! Thank you for the comment!
Reblogged this on To Write or not to Write and What to Write.
It was an absolute pleasure collaborating with you!
Would love to work together in future as well😊
Wonderfully penned
Thank you!
Wonderful post! I like the various factors you considered for personalities. Most people seem to think we our personalities come from nature OR nurture, but say we come from nature AND nurture.
You were talking about cutting our toxicitiy and people who don’t add value to your life. I agree with that – don’t add unnecessary pain. However, I something I try to do is reconsider my values. Is this person truly valueless, or are my values inadequate? So, I try to be open. That has helped my personality development immensely. Like you were talking about how people feel less comfortable in certain situations, I hope to develop myself by leaning into such discomfort.
Thanks for your post!!
That is a very good point! It si important to be open because we are not perfect. We might be wrong just as much as other people might be wrong.
Also, yes, I do believe we are not the result of a single factor. Rather, we are all a mixture of various factors.
Excellent!
Thank you!
Fantastic post! Truly enjoyable and very well thought out. It’s true – we all have differences that make us stronger and more geared towards certain things! I personally have discovered that I enjoy writing for my blog; it makes me way happier than my full time job does. I enjoy getting outside in nature too and just being reflective! Hopefully people will begin to sway the way they need to in order to be the best version of themselves.
Good for you! Yes, I also hope that we all become the best version of ourselves!
Hello, I myself have suffered toxicity from certain family members & tried to cut them lose. However, it kept ringing in my ears that I might be wrong somewhere although I knew I’m not. So, I started working on my emotions and accepted every emotion and person rather than resisting it. I internalise and tried to understand my areas of strength and improvement. So now even though I don’t receive positivity from certain people I still accept them as my behaviour is not dependent on their approvals. Their toxicity helped me to internalise and work on my own self. Your article gave me lot of insight and will definitely help me work on few more things. Thanks for the great article.
I think the conclusion you arrived at is very important and the right one: that now your behavior does not depend on approval. It is hard to get there, so good for you!
I must say, I could relate whatever you have written in the article. I had faces these challenges and struggled. However, to my good luck, I overcame the hurdle and became a professional counsellor. I must say, I relived my journey through your article.
It is probably good luck and hard work. I am glad the article related to you this much! That gives happiness and satisfaction.
I liked the conclusion based because I have been all over this article, creative and not, workaholic and hating work. So parents taking initiative to include activities that favour the child’s different facets creative or not is something I find relevant for a balanced adult life.
I think it is important for parents to guide their children! I have also been all over the place. But I find balance only after I experience the extremes.
Great post! Really caught me
Thank you!
Great post. An applause.xoxo
Thank you so much!
I personally decided to change my personality trait from a judgmental one to a non judgmental trait. It feels good not to judge others beliefs, and to accept others at their truest authentic selves. I respect different lifestyles, beliefs, style, and characteristic traits. You are who you are, and accepting that about people is what I mastered.
If you do that, you start enjoying human interaction more, don’t you?
Truth this . Xo stay well .
You too!
Great and pondering thoughts!
Thank you!
You’re welcome!
This was a great perspective on the personality of intra/extra-verts. I definitely think you have to also know when to “cut off the toxicity” in your life, but what do you do when it’s your mother or father? This is not so easy and this is where I ask myself WWJD? Yes, “what would Jesus do?” Love is also a great solution to tough relationships, it’s not easy because we all have EGOS. Yes our ego gets in the way and I identify that and cut off EGO. I’ve learned it’s not always the other person or thing that needs to change. Many time it’s what’s in the mirror that needs to change. If we can learn to change/be disciplined with ourselves we can learn to love one another even when your EGO says no. Love you neighbor as God loves you! Thank you for your post, it really touched a truth that is missing in the world – keep loving and I just suck it up and recharge.
I live your point that we need to focus on ourselves first and I agree with it! If everyone could focus on and better themselves, social interaction would have been much easier!
I could probably use that
Great!
Thanks for sharing this, love it! We need to find our natural tendencies, agreed. Great job done!
Thank you!