If you are in my life, you are good.

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Hi everyone! How are you all doing?

I had some interesting experiences recently with some people and that brought to my mind the question of how we should see the people who walk into our lives.

I tend to think that anything we experience is ultimately good. Some are just good. Some are good by their resultant state. For example, I had a hard year last year in terms of my mental health. But this year has been a blessing because of last year. I just learnt that I absolutely have to value my mental health over anything else and this year, I did not let anything to put me down too much. If it was not for last year, I would still be prioritizing the wrong things.

Same goes for people. Some people are just good for us. Some others may seemingly do harm. For example, we might meet a new friend who always tells us about her achievements, to the extent that we want to close our ears and we run away from her whenever we see her. What this teaches us is that we just don’t like these kinds of people and we should choose our friends accordingly. Or maybe, we discover that someone we consider a close friend has been lying to us and we see the lies now in retrospect. Now, we know what the clues for lies are and we will not fall for it next time. So, we actually learn from these people.

Given this, I tend to think that anyone who walks to our lives has a purpose to serve and we can learn something from them. What we should do is to try to discover what it is that we are supposed to learn from them. What this whole perception also tells is that we should not consider anyone who walks into our lives as bad, because they all come in to serve some good to us eventually. I think it is better to exclude extreme manipulation and harm from this picture, but I believe this applies in the general case.

What do you think? Do you consider everyone in your life, good or bad, as a source of learning? Did you learn anything this way? Let me know what you think!

Betul

84 thoughts on “If you are in my life, you are good.

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  1. I like this! I agree with you. In my life there are people who seem to bring negative energy but somehow I keep them around as you said to learn and with hopes that they see themselves and want to change. I also believe we have to be careful how we let people show up in our lives so that we are not affected.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Everyone is here to teach us something some people, as they say, may only be here for a season or a lifetime but they all have entered our lives for a reason. They could here to teach us how to protect ourselves, how to love more, be kind, or even hone in on our true dislikes. And because of this we establish a different connection with everyone we meet. So good or bad we learn from everyone. Just like others are learning from us. We are either a positive story in someone’s life or a negative one. Great post. Very thoughtful.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Betul, thank you for a very thoughtful post. I have always believed that everyone I meet knows something I don’t because their experiences are different from mine, Also, I have always believed that we can learn something from every experience, whether pleasant or painful.

    You take these ideas a step further. Very thought-provoking! Take care. Cheryl

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Agreed – you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Who your friends are is very important. Working out what you should learn from those you come into contact is a great way to think about things. Every single person has something they can teach us – knows something we don’t. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I think all encounters have a purpose and we have a responsibility to ourselves to understand when that purpose is met and those behavior traits begin to sour our disposition.

    Just like an ingredient we accidentally put too much of in a recipe, we need to learn from it and measure ( parallel – set boundaries with acquaintances) more carefully.)

    Liked by 4 people

  6. To consider everyone you meet as having a purpose in your life, in my humble opinion, is based on two questionable assumptions: first, one’s own importance, and second, that there is something in the world creating that purpose. These assumptions may be true, but what requires them to be true?

    To explain, a person entering your life may serve a purpose for you or not. It’s up to you to decide if they do and what that purpose can be. Whether that person is a positive or negative contribution to your life is also up to you to determine. It’s a quiz with few inherently right or wrong answers. If after a time, you change the answer, that’s ok too.

    This is an extension of the concept in biology that what we perceive is a function of what we are prepared to perceive. No two people sense colors the same way. no two people sense people the same way. How you perceive person X is unique to you.

    Does every person who enters your life have something of value to bring you? Is every day your birthday? No, some may just be there for no reason at all. Don’t assume gifts, but be receptive and gracious when they are given.

    Does that rambling make sense?

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I agree that this is based on how we perceive things. Two people can go through the same experiences and take out different things from them. My point is that there is always something to learn and get better. Better here refers to feeling better about yourself and being better to other people and other creatures. I take all encounters as an opportunity to develop myself.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Great topic! It’s generating a lot of thought!

    I have people who come into my life, as do many of us. Some people are immediately hurtful, so they don’t stay within my sphere, because I choose to remove myself if it’s just not feasible to remove them.

    Other people need to have more time to show themselves. I operate on a basis of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt that they aren’t there to hurt me, or I’d just become paranoid about everyone’s intentions!

    If over time people show me that they’re really not on my side, I’ll remove them or remove myself.

    Generally I’d say that the people in my life are the people I choose to have in my life. It has been a “learning and doing” process over the past few years, reflecting how I’ve been doing in my healing and growth curve.

    Some of the people I’ve removed or removed myself from were people I struggled to do so, because of a sense of loyalty (family and church members are the hardest). I learned that unless I’m first loyal to my mental and emotional health, that those loyalties don’t matter if my spirit is destroyed.

    We all need to make these kind of changes in our lives from time to time! Be well!

    Peace,
    Tamara
    https://tamarakulish.com/

    Liked by 3 people

      1. 🌸🌼🌸 ☺️ there’s no doubt many of us who have learned these lessons and many more who are struggling to give themselves permission to put them into action!

        These are the kind of posts which will help many people, even if they don’t comment or like and article! Keep #sharingpositive!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Thank you for such a candid sharing .I truly believe that knowing yourself and learning about yourself is the first step to our growth in every aspects of our life.In fact , I think that it should be a part of child’s education at home and school.Long back ,I made a promise to myself that I’d never say at the end of my life that I had a bad life or I wasn’t happy because of so and so people or so and so reason.That’s when I begin my journey on self awareness

    Liked by 4 people

  9. Recently, I just nod and smile! I have to deal with people all day in my job, so I have no patience for new people in my life. However, I know better now than in the past when someone is worth to have a good conversation or relationship! And, it’s always possible to extract good things from everyone, according to the situation.

    Liked by 4 people

  10. The title of the post flattered me 😊Maybe because I consider the people I follow on WordPress as people in my life and the reverse is true.

    And I share the same POV, I also realise over the years that the people I chose to be in my life when I was toxic or unhappy were like me, toxic, unhappy or both, the people I pick now that am emotionally healthy are also like me, healthy or at least aware of their struggles.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Oh, that is so nice of you! I am glad I have you in my life:)
      I do agree that we tend to attract the people that are like us. If we are happy, we attract happy people. If we are sad, sad people are going to walk in. This is true for most adults, I think.

      Like

      1. I come to realise many a times we judge people too fast just like judging a book by its cover but along the way we get enough experience to root out those whom really aren’t there to make a positive impact to our lives. It takes time to build that experience but once it’s there, it stays with us forever as a skill. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  11. Season, reason, lifetime. Not everyone in my life is good, but due to circumstances (work, relatives etc) they are there. Some people are extremely good, but are slipping out of my life … again, thanks to circumstances. The people I choose to keep around are generally good.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. We each only have so much time and energy to give, so we must choose wisely how and with whom we spend them. Relationship require balance to be healthy. If one party is always giving or always taking it may be time to talk about what’s going on with your sibling/parent/friend/partner about what’s happening to sort or out.

    And in some cases, sometimes it is worth letting go, at least for a time.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Yes. If someone is a bad influence on us, we should let them go. It is harmful to let them stay. But we should not just let the bad behavior stay with us. We should extract lessons from it so it can be a learning experience.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I think that saying people come into our life for “a reason, season or a lifetime” is something I accept whether it is or was good, bad or down right ugly. As I adult I’m learning to set boundaries for myself and not feel guilted by people’s expectations.

    Liked by 3 people

  14. Knowing when to leave an abusive situation was something I learned recently. Sometimes you can hold onto it way past healthy because you’re so against change in your life, but change needs to come and you need to trust your gut. Using your intuition to determine the right time to leave is the best thing to do.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. There are no coincidences in this world, only what is. Somethings can only be perceived as good or bad by the individual who experiences it. Every experience brings us learning. Every person we meet adds to our existence. It’s not about who they are, it’s about how we respond to who they are.

    Liked by 3 people

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