Hi everyone! How are you all doing?
I had some interesting experiences recently with some people and that brought to my mind the question of how we should see the people who walk into our lives.
I tend to think that anything we experience is ultimately good. Some are just good. Some are good by their resultant state. For example, I had a hard year last year in terms of my mental health. But this year has been a blessing because of last year. I just learnt that I absolutely have to value my mental health over anything else and this year, I did not let anything to put me down too much. If it was not for last year, I would still be prioritizing the wrong things.
Same goes for people. Some people are just good for us. Some others may seemingly do harm. For example, we might meet a new friend who always tells us about her achievements, to the extent that we want to close our ears and we run away from her whenever we see her. What this teaches us is that we just don’t like these kinds of people and we should choose our friends accordingly. Or maybe, we discover that someone we consider a close friend has been lying to us and we see the lies now in retrospect. Now, we know what the clues for lies are and we will not fall for it next time. So, we actually learn from these people.
Given this, I tend to think that anyone who walks to our lives has a purpose to serve and we can learn something from them. What we should do is to try to discover what it is that we are supposed to learn from them. What this whole perception also tells is that we should not consider anyone who walks into our lives as bad, because they all come in to serve some good to us eventually. I think it is better to exclude extreme manipulation and harm from this picture, but I believe this applies in the general case.
What do you think? Do you consider everyone in your life, good or bad, as a source of learning? Did you learn anything this way? Let me know what you think!
Reblogged this on To Write or not to Write and What to Write.
Positive post and much needed.
Thank you!
Everybody is important. Whether they cause good or bad things in your life. When it’s good, we learn and likewise when bad. So far as we are alive we will always have to learn.
Exactly!
I like this! I agree with you. In my life there are people who seem to bring negative energy but somehow I keep them around as you said to learn and with hopes that they see themselves and want to change. I also believe we have to be careful how we let people show up in our lives so that we are not affected.
Agreed!
I consider everyone in my life good because if they are bad then I guess I must have missed something somewhere. I try as possible to be good and respectful to people and then hope for the best.
Good approach!
That’s a very helpful attitude to have about life. It means you are always looking for the positive aspects of the present and looking for ways to improve the future.
I am trying my best:)
Everyone is here to teach us something some people, as they say, may only be here for a season or a lifetime but they all have entered our lives for a reason. They could here to teach us how to protect ourselves, how to love more, be kind, or even hone in on our true dislikes. And because of this we establish a different connection with everyone we meet. So good or bad we learn from everyone. Just like others are learning from us. We are either a positive story in someone’s life or a negative one. Great post. Very thoughtful.
Thank you! Very thoughtful comment! And I agree with it all.
Yes please and thank you 🙏🏼 to everything
Thank YOU!
Betul, thank you for a very thoughtful post. I have always believed that everyone I meet knows something I don’t because their experiences are different from mine, Also, I have always believed that we can learn something from every experience, whether pleasant or painful.
You take these ideas a step further. Very thought-provoking! Take care. Cheryl
Thank you so much! I am glad we agree on it!
Agreed – you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Who your friends are is very important. Working out what you should learn from those you come into contact is a great way to think about things. Every single person has something they can teach us – knows something we don’t. Thanks for sharing!
Exactly! Thank you for reading and commenting!
I think all encounters have a purpose and we have a responsibility to ourselves to understand when that purpose is met and those behavior traits begin to sour our disposition.
Just like an ingredient we accidentally put too much of in a recipe, we need to learn from it and measure ( parallel – set boundaries with acquaintances) more carefully.)
That is a nice analogy! I agree with what you say.
To consider everyone you meet as having a purpose in your life, in my humble opinion, is based on two questionable assumptions: first, one’s own importance, and second, that there is something in the world creating that purpose. These assumptions may be true, but what requires them to be true?
To explain, a person entering your life may serve a purpose for you or not. It’s up to you to decide if they do and what that purpose can be. Whether that person is a positive or negative contribution to your life is also up to you to determine. It’s a quiz with few inherently right or wrong answers. If after a time, you change the answer, that’s ok too.
This is an extension of the concept in biology that what we perceive is a function of what we are prepared to perceive. No two people sense colors the same way. no two people sense people the same way. How you perceive person X is unique to you.
Does every person who enters your life have something of value to bring you? Is every day your birthday? No, some may just be there for no reason at all. Don’t assume gifts, but be receptive and gracious when they are given.
Does that rambling make sense?
I agree that this is based on how we perceive things. Two people can go through the same experiences and take out different things from them. My point is that there is always something to learn and get better. Better here refers to feeling better about yourself and being better to other people and other creatures. I take all encounters as an opportunity to develop myself.
my point is that we can’t assume there is something to be learned. maybe, maybe not. each person or experience is what we make of it, nothing more.
Ok. I think I see this differently.
Btw, I didn’t mean to say you don’t. What I wanted to say is that this perspective helps me become a better person. Some people might be trying to be a better person in different ways.
Every person one meets not necessarily leaves a lesson…but one must make an attempt to take the positives from the meet and leave rest aside ..
I think we learn something about ourselves in each case and that is the positive we can take from all encounters.
🙏
Great topic! It’s generating a lot of thought!
I have people who come into my life, as do many of us. Some people are immediately hurtful, so they don’t stay within my sphere, because I choose to remove myself if it’s just not feasible to remove them.
Other people need to have more time to show themselves. I operate on a basis of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt that they aren’t there to hurt me, or I’d just become paranoid about everyone’s intentions!
If over time people show me that they’re really not on my side, I’ll remove them or remove myself.
Generally I’d say that the people in my life are the people I choose to have in my life. It has been a “learning and doing” process over the past few years, reflecting how I’ve been doing in my healing and growth curve.
Some of the people I’ve removed or removed myself from were people I struggled to do so, because of a sense of loyalty (family and church members are the hardest). I learned that unless I’m first loyal to my mental and emotional health, that those loyalties don’t matter if my spirit is destroyed.
We all need to make these kind of changes in our lives from time to time! Be well!
Peace,
Tamara
https://tamarakulish.com/
You literally described me here!
🌸🌼🌸 ☺️ there’s no doubt many of us who have learned these lessons and many more who are struggling to give themselves permission to put them into action!
These are the kind of posts which will help many people, even if they don’t comment or like and article! Keep #sharingpositive!
💪
There are teachers and messages all around us. Even the picture sends a poignant message of today.
I am glad it does:)
Thank you for such a candid sharing .I truly believe that knowing yourself and learning about yourself is the first step to our growth in every aspects of our life.In fact , I think that it should be a part of child’s education at home and school.Long back ,I made a promise to myself that I’d never say at the end of my life that I had a bad life or I wasn’t happy because of so and so people or so and so reason.That’s when I begin my journey on self awareness
Yes. I also want to say that I did my best at any given time, meaning that I stayed true to myself all my life. That is how I define happiness.
Interesting read. I avoid anyone I consider bad, luckily most encounters are good. Learning beats judging but it,s much harder to achieve.
We shouldn’t look for bad people to get into our lives. But if they happen to come in, maybe we can try to learn why they came into our lives at all. But it is hard, I agree.
Recently, I just nod and smile! I have to deal with people all day in my job, so I have no patience for new people in my life. However, I know better now than in the past when someone is worth to have a good conversation or relationship! And, it’s always possible to extract good things from everyone, according to the situation.
Nice!
Am a firm believer that everyone in my life comes for a particular purpose to serve me or vice versa.
It could be either short or long period of time. I make it a point to notice the purpose and serve as authentic as possible
Same!
We can always derive learning from a ‘bad’ event, but it can take time. And we can still be in deficit – i.e. a tragedy can outweigh the learning we have derived.
I agree. That is why I said in the post that extreme situations might be different.
Oh I like this post, and I think everyone gives us an opportunity to learn.
Yes!
The title of the post flattered me 😊Maybe because I consider the people I follow on WordPress as people in my life and the reverse is true.
And I share the same POV, I also realise over the years that the people I chose to be in my life when I was toxic or unhappy were like me, toxic, unhappy or both, the people I pick now that am emotionally healthy are also like me, healthy or at least aware of their struggles.
Oh, that is so nice of you! I am glad I have you in my life:)
I do agree that we tend to attract the people that are like us. If we are happy, we attract happy people. If we are sad, sad people are going to walk in. This is true for most adults, I think.
We open ourselves to varieties of people but make that conscious decision in whom to engage with at the next level.
Yes. Sometimes that decision takes time and we learn that we should not lose that much time in making the decision. That is a learning.
I come to realise many a times we judge people too fast just like judging a book by its cover but along the way we get enough experience to root out those whom really aren’t there to make a positive impact to our lives. It takes time to build that experience but once it’s there, it stays with us forever as a skill. 🙂
Well-said!
This is a really positive perspective! Embracing the learning aspect can only be a good thing – great post!
Thank you!
I think you are right. People, and for that matter, every situation, offers the gift of learning and growth or at least a reminder of lessons already learned and maybe forgotten.
Agreed!
Season, reason, lifetime. Not everyone in my life is good, but due to circumstances (work, relatives etc) they are there. Some people are extremely good, but are slipping out of my life … again, thanks to circumstances. The people I choose to keep around are generally good.
I think we should keep the good people and learn from the bad people and let them go.
Sometimes we can’t let them go. I have some family members that I don’t speak to, but they will still be a part of the family 😔
Oh yeah, that is hard. I had mostly friends in mind. In that case, all we can do is to try stay as little effected as we can. Hard but hopefully doable.
We each only have so much time and energy to give, so we must choose wisely how and with whom we spend them. Relationship require balance to be healthy. If one party is always giving or always taking it may be time to talk about what’s going on with your sibling/parent/friend/partner about what’s happening to sort or out.
And in some cases, sometimes it is worth letting go, at least for a time.
Yes. If someone is a bad influence on us, we should let them go. It is harmful to let them stay. But we should not just let the bad behavior stay with us. We should extract lessons from it so it can be a learning experience.
Sometimes… we just got to pick out the weeds and keep the flowers.
Yes. But we learn how to pick out the weeds.
Amen 💕
I believe people are ultimately good. We learn from mistakes and grow as people. Those around us may change if we grow in different directions, but the positive lessons remain
I agree!
I think that saying people come into our life for “a reason, season or a lifetime” is something I accept whether it is or was good, bad or down right ugly. As I adult I’m learning to set boundaries for myself and not feel guilted by people’s expectations.
I like that saying! I think all experiences teach us what our boundaries should be.
Enjoyed your post, and agree there are always those good people in our lives that uplift us and there are those bad ones they try and bring us down.
Yes!
Knowing when to leave an abusive situation was something I learned recently. Sometimes you can hold onto it way past healthy because you’re so against change in your life, but change needs to come and you need to trust your gut. Using your intuition to determine the right time to leave is the best thing to do.
Yes! We may tend to choose the familiar over better because we are afraid of the unknown. But we need to choose the better at those times.
From my life experiences everyone is either a lesson or a blessing! 👍🏼
Yes!
Winning creation of yours 👍
Thank you!
Thank you
There are no coincidences in this world, only what is. Somethings can only be perceived as good or bad by the individual who experiences it. Every experience brings us learning. Every person we meet adds to our existence. It’s not about who they are, it’s about how we respond to who they are.
Well-said! I agree!
I learned long ago to cut toxic people from my life. Whether they were family, coworkers, friends, etc. As a result, I’ve been much more at peace.
It is important! We can try to help people in our lives but if they insist on toxic behavior, then we can’t keep them forever.