We Need a Second “Golden Rule”

second golden rule

By Troy Headrick

I want to thank “Hamish,” a thoughtful young man from New Zealand.  His comment on my last Pointless Overthinking piece inspired this.  By the way, Hamish blogs.  You should have a look at his work.

In the comment I’ve referred to, Hamish writes, “I’ve been slowly figuring out over the past little while that I’ve become better at forgiving others, but not so much myself.”

I immediately thanked him for providing me with food for thought (and possibly my next blog topic).  Why, I began to wonder, are so many of us so hard on ourselves when we recognize the value of being kind to others?  That’s a damn good question and one that deserves to be asked and answered (if possible).

We’ve all heard that you should “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  I wanted to know more about the origins of this “Golden Rule,” so I did a bit of Googling and found that these words appear in the book of Matthew in the New Testament of the Bible.  Such a precept, though, is universally taught in all the religions of the world.

So, we have a Golden Rule that we are to follow.  Plus, all good parents aspire to teach their children to “play well with others.”  They instruct their offspring to share, to avoid bullying, to be helpful, to show respect, to be, in short, good people, which requires them to live by the edict spelled out in the book of Matthew.

So, why aren’t we taught to treat ourselves with the sort of kindness and forbearance we are told to show others?  Where is our second Golden Rule, the one that exhorts us to treat ourselves lovingly?

In truth, we learn to beat up on ourselves at a pretty early age, and it begins in the family.  I’m not suggesting that most parents begin with the intention of giving their children complexes, but they do establish expectations, and when these go unmet, the parents demonstrate, in a variety of ways and perhaps even unwittingly, that their children have disappointed them.  Punishments are often meted out as a result of these failings.  Those who are chastised can respond by becoming angry, at themselves and/or at those who’ve done the disciplining.  When this anger is turned inward, it can lead to self-condemnation or even self-loathing.  We beat up on ourselves when we feel like we’ve disappointed those we want to impress.

Thus, being a parent is hard.  One loves, but one must teach, and some lessons can be painful.  This means that tough love is sometimes called for.  Or am I wrong about that?  I’ve never been a parent, so I’m really only trying to reason all this out.  I’m using commonsense and trying to draw lessons from what I’ve observed.

In America, we believe that competition pushes people, that it allows them to become the best version of themselves.  It’s the way we separate the wheat from the chaff.

Children learn, at an early age, to test themselves against their siblings and peers.  They gauge, via all the ways they interact, who is the fastest, who is slowest, who gets chosen first, and who never gets chosen.  Then, once they get a little older, they are sent off to schools where they are tested and “graded.”  Those who learn the secret to doing well in school rise, while those who don’t or are disinterested, sink.  For every person who figures out how to play the game well, there are dozens who languish.  Wasn’t it Henry David Thoreau who said, “The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation”?

I don’t know what, if anything, can be done about this.  We do naturally compete, but I think we must find ways to protect the weak and disadvantaged from the Alpha types.  If we don’t, we run the risk of normalizing predatory behavior.  We can even convince ourselves that gobbling others up is good.  In a society that glorifies the ubermensch—to use a good Nietzschean term—it’s easy for those who get eaten by sharks to begin to feel like their sole purpose in life is to be shark food.  It’s no wonder that so many of us have self-esteem issues and think of ourselves as failures.

This period in American history is interesting because I think many are beginning to look more critically at some of our “sacred cows.”  Capitalism is one of these that’s being reexamined, and rightly so.  Unbridled Capitalism is an economic system that creates more losers than winners and thus contributes greatly to the creation of all manner of neuroses and self-destructive behaviors.  If a person hates herself, because she feels that she is worthless, she is likely to engage in acts of self-harm.

I’ve tried to be somewhat disciplined while writing this but lost control several paragraphs back.  I see (very clearly) that I’ve begun to strike out in many different directions and to cover way too many topics.  Having said that, I’m curious what your reactions might be.

Troy Headrick’s personal blog can be found here.

53 thoughts on “We Need a Second “Golden Rule”

  1. I actually just blogged about forgiveness myself 😊 Although I didn’t cover the topic of forgiving ourselves. But you and Hamish bring up an excellent point on forgiveness for ourselves. We can start to forgive ourselves by forgoing the need to relive our past mistakes. Through the process of forgiveness we can find compassion. But our compassion for others is incomplete if we don’t also forgive ourselves.

    1. I would agree that compassion for self and for others is interrelated. Here’s the problem it would seem. Because we want so much to please those who show us love, we try but inevitably fail to make them completely happy and we pick up on the fact that we have “failed” them (which makes us feel like failures). We then begin the blaming of ourselves. I’m wondering if we’re almost doomed (nearly from birth) to end up beating ourselves up. I had never given this a lot of thought until I wrote this blog. Thanks so much for your comment.

      1. I agree with you about blaming ourselves when we feel like we fail our loved ones. It can be a tough cycle to break. This topic has a lot of avenues that can be explored and it t certainly has my mind working! Thank you for sharing!

  2. Troy, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” hints on this topic. Quote attributed to Jesus. I am a huge fan of the Golden Rule and used to teach it as stated in many religions in my social studies classes. I agree that it doesn’t go quite far enough. You cannot love anyone else if you do not love yourself. All the best, Cheryl

    1. Hi, again. I would totally agree. It’s hard to love others while hating ourselves. But there are many factors at play–I covered some of them in my piece–that really make it hard for us to even like ourselves. The question is: How do we keep from being pulled down into that morass? By the way, I loved social studies in school. That would be a cool subject to teach; although, I’ve never taught in public schools which might make is less than enjoyable. By the way, do you still teach? If so, is your school planning on reopening? What are your thoughts?

      1. Troy, I taught grades 1-6, all subjects, although I was also certified in social studies 1-12. My feeling is that schools have lost emphasis on social studies due to standardized testing in an era that needs an even greater understanding of the subject.

        I retired in 2011 and moved to the West Coast of Florida. I don’t know what my old schools are doing. I do know that schools in Texas, where my daughters live, have already opened. My doctor has two children in Florida schools, and he said that they have learned very little online, and he will be sending them when school reopens. I have heard that the virus is spreading more rapidly among children now, and I am afraid for the children, the teachers, and the families of the children. What is your situation, and how do you feel about it? Cheryl

      2. My first degree was in political science, and I sort of specialized in political theory, so I’ve long been interested in the social sciences. I think our democracy is failing right now and that’s partly because of apathy. People simply don’t get the idea that democracy takes citizen participation. People think voting is enough, but the greatest form of participation is being informed, staying on top of what’s going on, being intellectually engaged. Far too few people participate in those ways.

        I’ve never taught in the public schools. I’ve been lucky during my career to have taught at universities and community colleges, with the odd language center thrown in here and there, when I was doing ESL and teacher training.

        I currently work at one of the campuses in the Alamo system of colleges in San Antonio, Texas, and I manage a writing center. I am pleased to say that the Alamo colleges are managed by those who are very humane and forward thinking. They are putting health and safety first, so I’ll be working remotely again this coming fall term.

        I would agree that remote learning may not be the best, but we could have been somewhat back to normal had we had good national leadership and discipline as a nation. I am shocked by how few people think of the common good when they do their own thing and won’t follow basic health guidelines.

        Here’s my prediction. All those schools that do in-person learning will stop and start a lot (which will further undermine learning) and the virus will continue to grown in prevalence.

        I am not terribly optimistic.

  3. Learning to treat myself kinder has been a life long journey. Somewhere along the way, I thought perfectionism was how I was going to achieve happiness. So I was hard on myself and beat myself up when I was not perfect. All this I was doing without even realizing I was doing. It was so automatic. It has been a journey to try to undo what has been done. I’ve been finding more compassion for myself a little more every day and trying to get myself to understand I do not have to beat myself in line in order to find happiness. I enjoyed this post. Thank you!

    1. Hi. Thanks for the comment. What specific actions did you take to become less of a perfectionist? I’m just asking because I’ve had that problem myself (and many do). There’s a fine line that separates someone who is ambitious and responsible from someone who is obsessive and self-punishing. It’s sometimes hard to stay on the right side of that line.

      1. I actually did a couple of things to help with this but the main thing is changing the meaning I give things or the story I tell myself. First you have to become aware of those negative automatic thoughts. We don’t realize the story we tell ourselves about our lives and experiences that reinforce a low self-esteem, helplessness, hopelessness, guilt, shame, and a negative outlook on everything. If you want to feel better, you have to change that story. You have to change your thoughts processes to work for you and not against you. For instance, instead of me punishing myself for not getting something completed, It would be more productive and healthy to focus on what I have achieved already and developing a plan to tackle whatever it is that needs to be done. It’s like getting rid of that inner critic that always has something negative to say and replacing it with your own personal cheerleader or loving parent who always has something encouraging to say. This takes effort and repetition to learn how to refocus your brain into what you want it to focus on. You are retraining your brain to think more positive. Also, its always good to address the issues in your past that remain unhealed and resulted in your need for perfection. We often seek perfection in belief it will give us more love, approval, and praise from the people we want it from. So working on your self-esteem and healing past wounds can really help. Learning how to give yourself what you so desperately are looking from others is key. All the answers are within you. Remember, this takes a conscious daily effort before it becomes automatic.

  4. Forgiving others compared to forgiving oneself – why are the treatments different ?

    There are 2 perspectives to find the answer.

    (1) Logical :
    The answer lies in the question as the difference lies in the recipients – others and oneself. People treat, actually consider or value, oneself differently from others. This is obvious and due to reflexive property – a cause of selfishness, and its inverse “otherishness” (unselfishness is actually neutral or sub-property), that is naturally different from associative property. All of the moral lessons are traditionally devised to address this associative property, hence there is no 2nd golden rule, although that is necessary but in a separate book, of selfcare lessons instead of morals.

    (2) Psychlogical :
    It is rightly stated and concluded, that people try to meet the expectations of their makers (of character) or trainers (of behaviour) or teachers (of lessons). However tracing a step back, elicits the true nature of such trainings or teachings. Why do some people have the kind habit of forgiving others ? The reason is “that makes YOU a good person”, that further translates into “that makes the best of YOU” which then leads to a perfectionist’s mindset that cannot forgive one’s own mistakes. On the other hand, the real reason to forgive should have been “to err is OTHER” and so can be “to err is YOU”, translating to “to err are WE”.

    1. Thanks. I always find your comments challenging and edifying. It all boils down to this: We are explicitly trained to treat others well, but where is the equivalent training for the treatment we give ourselves? We are taught “good manners,” but those lessons pertain to “other,” not self. What are the good manners we should learn will it comes to how we see ourselves? Quite often, i see people engaging in all manner of self-disrespect and self-abuse. Other-abuse is not tolerated. Self-abuse is. Very odd.

  5. True.. compassion is what most of us miss out on…most are over critical of their own perceived shortcomings that they fail to see and appreciate the goodness..

    1. The more I think about the subject, the more baffled I become. We would never tolerate other-abuse, but we not only tolerate self-abuse, we encourage it. Thanks.

  6. I think I was around 26 when I realized I was kicking myself for behaviors I accepted without any hesitation in my friends.
    It was a great revelation but the rectification ain’t anywhere near as easy. Lately I’ve been working on saying “please“ and “thank you” in public. I know it sounds simplistic but just being conscious of this one behavior makes me feel a lot better about myself.
    It’s a tangible, achievable goal.
    What can I say, baby steps, man, baby steps.

    Thanks for getting the wheels turning once again.

    1. I totally agree. Small steps in the right direction each day. Some days we’ll get further than others, but every day we can orient ourselves in the right direction.

      1. Thanks, Hamish. Being the best version of ourselves–following the Golden Rule and the new one that I’ve been talking about here–is a daily struggle. You’re a young guy with a lot of wisdom.

    2. My question for you is this: Are you saying “thank you” and “please” to yourself? Why don’t we say these things to ourselves in the course of living? I’ll like to hear your thoughts on this. Thanks for the comment.

  7. Great post to ponder, I am much less forgiving of myself but I’m working on it. Maybe our expectations of ourselves need to be managed?

    1. I think you’re right. We would feel ashamed if we abused others in the same ways we often abuse ourselves. This is a really interesting topic. Thanks for your comment.

  8. Thank you so much for the mention. I am truly humbled, and am glad to provide some inspiration.

    Over the past decade or so I’ve struggled with depression, several times to the point of being unable to get out of bed. I was so hard on myself simply because there seemed to be nothing “wrong” and I felt anger, resentment, and pain, and couldn’t let myself feel those feelings. It has taken much time and effort to work in this. To know every day will be different, and to accept bad days happen. Sometimes because of something we can see, other times due to the invisible.

    I know my life has been better since I started this journey. I’m still in it, but I appreciate everyone in my life. Those physically present, and those wonderful minds I get to interact with from all around the world.

    Thanks again Troy. I look forward to many more fruitful discussions and learning.

    1. It is my pleasure to have quoted you in my blog. Thanks so much for being so honest and transparent in your comment. My feeling is that your self-reflective nature is going to help you find a way out of this fog that you sometimes find yourself in. I have a feeling you’re going to go a long way in making yourself feel whole and healthy.

  9. I love the idea of a second golden rule. We are hard on ourselves. The societal yardstick is perfection, after all. To raise a confident, secure child is the goal and the challenge. I found that parenting upped my research game. I wanted to do it better. I hope I did. I hope my children do better than I did. I think the segue to economics is logical. When we think about self-acceptance, and being good people, and raising good people, we must, by necessity, look at the system that we are in, and identify the shortcomings. It is not unfair to say that capitalism has some major issues that need to be addressed.

    1. I’m curious about parenting. As I mentioned in my blog, I’ve never done it before. What was the hardest part? What was the easiest part? Did you discover any “secret formulas” for being a good parent? Thanks and I look forward to hearing your thoughts on these things.

      1. The hardest part for me was knowing the consequences of mistakes. I wanted my children to not have the struggles I had with believing I wasn’t good enough. So I worked very hard to incorporate that into my parenting. Which is lovely and high sounding but it ignores the reality – the hardest part is the day to day.

        Children are hard. They are adorable and sweet and loving. They are also intractable and selfish and needy. They don’t come as blank slates. This was a huge surprise. They have personalities and corresponding responses from the get-go.

        You love them more than anything in the world and yet they make you more angry than anything ever could. This is why understanding anger and deciding how you’ll deal with it before the advent of kids is important.

        For instance, I decided not to spank. I wasn’t spanked. It doesn’t seem to me to be good. I was shocked by how tempting it was. How often you just want to scream. Children being children all the time can get very frustrating.

        The secret formula is to show up. To be there, to pay attention, to interact. To love. It’s true to the greatest degree that children do what you do, not what you say. They are attention sponges. They want to learn. They want validation. They want love. The secret is to be there for them.

        My heart hurts, watching parents lately, so into their phones that their children are neglected. I see it at games. Children play and look to their parents for validation only to see their heads are down. I see it at parks. I see it with my daughter. I wish people would understand that leaving your phone alone, putting it away, being disconnected doesn’t actually cause harm. Ignoring your children’s needs does.

      2. Wow! I loved reading about your experience raising kids. Parenting sounds really hard. I love your advice. I get that children do what their parents do, not what their parents say. I know that we always get from others what we give to them. I so appreciate that you’ve shared your story and your words of wisdom here. Maybe you should do a blog on parenting? What do you think?

      3. I’m not sure. I do know this – I am a far better parent as a grandparent. You learn, with time, that most of the things that you think are important, most of the things that annoy you, most of the battles you rage are unimportant. Now that I’m older, I understand more clearly what things are minutiae.

  10. If you were Jewish, you might state the Golden Rule as:

    “Do not do unto others that which is hateful to your self.”

    If you were Wiccan you might say:

    “Do as thou wilt an ye hurt no one.”

    Or my favorite, the Golden Rule of the wealthy:

    “He who has the gold makes the rules.”


    Now, as to liking oneself… that’s the very definition of ego. To the extent we like ourselves we have a strong ego. Confidence, self-assuredness, courage, the belief that we are worthy and our judgments are right. The belief that we matter. That we deserve the good things we receive and it is ok to seek them out. Just having this attitude makes you a potential leader and a likely success.

    Ego can be completely unjustified. One meets people who are legends in their own minds. There are people who take narcissism to an unhealthy extreme. A bully may have an ego that is maintained by forcibly subordinating other people.

    As a substitute teacher, I met children who thought of themselves as model students and kind-hearted classmates who were very, very, far from that ideal. I could only smile and encourage them to live up to their self-image. Unjustified as it may be, it is probably far healthier than the self-loathing I felt at that age.

    Many religions and philosophies have as their primary objective the elimination of ego. Some would replace it with self-loathing and an eternal struggle against one’s sinful nature. Others replace it with emptiness. The glass waiting to be filled, to merge into the universe.

    I happen to think that ego is a trait one is born with. Some people have naturally strong egos and others are very delicate. Closely related to innate optimism or pessimism. Or a biological tendency towards depression or happiness.

    Obviously, what you are born with can be built up by a happy childhood or broken by a bad childhood. But we’ve all seen people born into horrific environments that rose to every occasion and people “born with a silver spoon in their mouth” who crashed and burned despite unconditional love. It is obviously easier to love oneself if you are surrounded by people who tell you you’re lovable but you can also decide they are all liars and you really suck. Negative reinforcement incorporates into your self-image as being unlovable or stupid or whatever. Or it can forge you into the strongest of steel.


    I do not believe that one has to love oneself before you can love anyone else. I believe instead that one has to at least accept oneself before you can *successfully* love anyone else long term outside of a family relationship. (How’s that for a qualified statement?).

    There’s a state in Transactional Analysis called, “You’re ok but I’m not ok.” It is an unstable condition and most relationships based on it will fall apart. “I’m ok, you’re ok” is really stable if both partners agree upon it. (Ironically, so is “I’m not ok and you’re not ok.” where both agree that neither one deserves anything better.) But, unless you’re into a codependency trip, nobody wants to hang with someone who is always down on themself no matter how much they adore you.

    1. I think self-love is dangerous. Self-love, pushed to the extreme, is arrogance. I’m thinking more about ways of achieving self-respect. I love that you found different ways of verbalizing “The Golden Rule” based on the perspective of the person formulating the rule. I always love reading your comments because it seems that you know so much about so many things and always end up pushing me intellectually. For that, I am eternally grateful.

  11. Being okay with being given challenges in any form always looks terrible from the outside. But look inside and ask yourself truthfully… who would you be without your challenges? Do you like the person you have become? Have you become a unique individual with your own ideas based on experience? Would you give that experience back?

    I love me. Which forces me to have to look at the experiences I’ve had with a sense of sorrowful gratitude and then… a little pride for still being here. 🙂

    It is a new Golden Rule.

    “Do unto others and do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you.”

    Being kind to yourself is the first step into developing kindness as a personality trait.

    PS… I love your blog. Thank you for writing.

    1. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom here. I think you’ve actually written a really cool version of the new Golden Rule I was talking about. I think I’ve sort of gotten where you seem to be. I’m totally pleased with the person I’ve become (warts and all). I really appreciate that you’ve been a participant in this conversation.

  12. Hey Troy. Another excellent post. It’s hard to know where to begin with the number of points you’ve raised. I’m definitely in the boat of being someone who treats himself worse than he treats others. Maybe for people like us the Golden rule needs to be revised? ‘Treat yourself with the same respect and kindness you show others.’ The things I sometimes say to myself I’d never say to someone else.

    I’ve always felt there is something wrong with grading everything at school – where everything comes down to a final mark. For children who struggle they are led to believe there is something fundamentally wrong with them. I actually think school focuses on individual achievement too much and not enough on the group achievement. I think a class grade might help others try harder for the group. Those who are more talented in certain subjects will see the value of helping those who are weaker and vice versa.

    Tough love – I’m not a big fan. I believe in honesty above all else but not punishment? You’re telling your children they are bad – that something is wrong with them which they often end up believing. The naughty kids in school never respond to punishment in my experience. It just strengthens their mindset.

    I’m a big believer in teaching my children the value of having a growth mindset versus having a fixed mindset. A growth mindset believes you can always improve – can always get better – that your intelligence isn’t fixed. For people with a growth mindset failure doesn’t define them it’s just something to learn from and grow. Those with a fixed mindset see failure as a confirmation they are one. For them it hurts much more and ultimately becomes something they avoid at all cost. Something I know about all too well.

    Thanks again Troy – your posts always get me thinking.

    1. Hi. I admit I did sort of send out a scattershot of ideas with this one. There’s probably more than one blog here, but I tried to stick them all together (and likely at least partly failed in doing so).

      I’ve long been against capital punishment–I know that has nothing to do with disciplining children–for the very reason that the state can’t rightly kill people when it says killing is wrong. Cicero, in On Duties, a book I used to teach at university, argued that there are two ways to garner a following and lead people. One, people will follow you if they fear you, but such leaderships is tenuous at best. Leaders who are feared will likely find a knife embedded deep into their backs the first time they show the populace their backs. Leaders who use love will always have followers that will follow through thick and thin, across mountains and valleys, through floods and droughts. There’s lots of wisdom and truth there.

      I guess I’ve sort of gotten fascinated by why we don’t teach self-love when we teach other-love. I have to beleive that there are cultural, political, and economic factors at play. If people loved themselves too much, they will balk at the idea of working overtime for little pay and even less respect. Self-love makes us buck against the idea that we will allow ourselves to be exploited.

      A lot of our systems are designed around the assumption that humans are basically slothful cheaters, so we have to use cattle prods against them to make the move like livestock.

  13. I think it’s more a matter of pulling that inner critic out of the loop and focusing on positive interactions with others. Because is one of those things we learn literally at our parent’s knee it is almost instinctive – but not automatic.
    In terms of cognitive deconstruction it provides a moment, a brake on the spinning wheel of self-criticism. ‘See, I’m not that bad, I went back into the drug store and made a point of saying thank you to the pharmacy clerk who was having a pretty shitty day. It made her smile and it made my mom happy.’ (Okay, that last bit is a bit crazy sounding but my inner critic’s voice is uncannily like my mother’s).
    So, I guess the short answer is I don’t say it to myself, I say it for myself. I benefit from it as much as the person I’m interacting with.

    1. Sorry for lateness of my response. I sometimes lose track of who’s commented on what. I think that little voice inside your head is likely your mother’s voice, don’t you think? After all, our parents are those who start telling us things like, “Don’t do that because…” So we learn our earliest dos and don’ts from them. Then we go to school and learn how to play well with others. We also started getting “graded” on things. Those that get As are better than those that get Bs. I guess we spend a lot of our lives learning that we have to be our best and what it means to be the best. As I’m writing this, it’s dawning on me how often we are judged and by whom. I guess, given all these strictures and pressures, it’s no wonder we all grow up feeling a bit inadequate. Thanks for much for prompting me to did a little deeper into this subject.

  14. Please remove it. I thought that it was going to be verivied before it appeared here.

  15. Hi. I guess I’m a bit confused. Would you like me to remove this comment and the one that follows. On this site, the settings that comment need no approval. They automatically appear. Please clarify what you meant, and i’ll certain comply if I can. thanks.

    1. Dear Troy

      I would like to ask you kindly to remove my requests and long comment.

      Best regards


  16. I like your article. It made me stop to read not just skim like I sometimes do. Yes, we do often gloss over the do unto selves as we would do unto others. I need to ruminate on what you have said and perhaps find where I do this with me. Always easy to see in other people first hey :). Thanks for an interesting piece.

    1. Hi and sorry for the late reply. I’m glad my writing made you think. That’s really the most important thing I can do for any reader. Thank you so much for participating in this conversation.

  17. The major way I got better at forgiving myself was to accept the fact that everyone is different in their abilities. That helped me get rid of the comparison factor (well, not totally, but still).

    1. Hi, Betul. I’m sorry for the lateness of my response. I wonder where that tendency to compare ourselves to others comes from. Does it begin in school, the place where we start getting “graded” on our performance? Of course, those that get As are “better” than those that get Bs, and so forth. I guess we spend a lot of our lives being evaluated and that that sort of thing can leave a kind of invisible scar. Thanks, Betul, for making me dig a little deeper into this issue.

      1. I don’t know if it starts there or even earlier at home when parents might compare their child to others around, but school definitely makes it worse.

  18. You are 💯 correct and i struggle so hard with this. I was raised in an authoritarian home and as a result have anxiety and low self esteem and struggle with depression. I am now a mom to a 5 year old and i try to raise him to be confident and independant but i feel like my perfectionism and criticism is destroying him. The more i mess up as a parent, the more i hate myself and struggle further to be the parent i want to be. I’m constantly apologizing for lashing out and i try to be patient and understanding but i often feel incompetent as a parent and it makes my job so much harder

    1. Thanks for sharing your story. We’re all doing our best. So many of us grew up in strict households and internalized all that strictness, turning it back on ourselves. If you show your child love, he will know, very viscerally, that you love him even through the difficult times. The fact that you’re talking so openly about your struggles tells me that you are on your way to healing. Many never reach the point where they can admit to themselves that they have faults. You’ve taken that important step and seem very self-aware. Do you blog? If so, why not post a link to your site here so we can check out your writing? I’d love to read your stuff, and I’m sure others would too.

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