In the spirit of Easter, let’s talk about forgiveness—forgiveness with the most important relationship you can have.
How difficult do you find it to forgive yourself?
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E. L. Jayne’s blog can be found here.
Question of the Day – No. 514
Pointless Overthinking
Understanding ourselves and the world we live in.
Very difficult 🙂
Ah, me too 🙂 I’m trying to appreciate the small steps I’m making, however hard that may be.
Agreed, first step is awareness that we should forgive ourselves, and then we can start with forgiving the small mistakes..be kind to ourselves, the same way we tell a friend: its okay its not ur fault or its okay it was a mistake. However, its the bigger mistakes that make forgiving feel impossible, especially those for which we continue to pay the price our whole lives. Its so emotional to think of- that the outcome is what was deemed to be inevitably and yet sometimes its our own decisions that put us in that situation..how do we even begin to forgive ourselves for that?
There are some things in life I will never forgive myself for.
Yes, some things are indeed hard to forgive. But if you can learn from your mistake, can that help you forgive yourself?
But there are somethings that can never be fixed, so it doesn’t really matter if you learn from the mistake.
What happened
It’s very hard to talk about.
Quite easy, after years of practice. Not doing so leads to mental ill health, so it pays to learn how to. Blessings J x
Well that’s good news for a lot of us to hear! What’s the biggest thing you tell yourself that has helped you to forgive yourself?
Very good question. Probably that I cannot be responsible for everything bad that happens to everybody else. Holding onto the thought that “Everything is my fault” is not good for anyone. Some things are destined to happen imho. I can’t be held accountable for that. I ask myself a question. Is it mine to be forgiven for? If so ask the person that needs to forgive me, for forgiveness. Then forgive myself for not knowing any better than the way i acted at the time, I promise myself that I will learn from it. If you find yourself repeating the behaviour, then that is another question to ask yourself. HTH Blessings J x
It’s not that easy to forgive but we must do it.
I agree, it’s very hard. I find it much easier to forgive others than to forgive myself. Although I have changed and learned from my mistakes, it’s still hard to forgive myself from making them in the first place…
Extremely difficult; borderline impossible. I know its essential for healing but damn. My own regrets are by far the most poisonous.
I completely relate to you. I give advice to always forgive and make peace with others so you can be free, but when it comes to forgiving myself and dealing with my own regrets, I feel as if I’ve made very little progress…
very difficult for some. but self forgiveness is the road to self love and inner peace.
I realized what’s holding me back from complete self acceptance and self love is that I can’t/don’t know how to forgive myself. I’m proud of the beautiful parts of myself, but try to hide the insecurities and flaws. I know we’re all imperfect, but it still doesn’t help me to forgive when it comes to myself.
I will hold you in my thoughts that one day you will be able to forgive yourself 100%. it’s ok to feel and be the way you are right now. Over time you will be able to do so.. Trust me, it took me a long long time too. hugs
But on the Other side of it while forgiving you have to forget yourself all the time which is not good for own dignity
Agreed, forgive and move on… that’s what hard for me to do. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to make the same mistake so constantly reminding myself of it helps me to not make it again?
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to live by and comprehend but oh so freeing when you can learn to forgive
I completely agree! It’s very freeing when I can forgive someone else, but when it comes to myself I find it hard to have that compassion I need to forgive myself. How have you learned to forgive yourself?
I’ve found forgiveness is realizing when I make a mistake or do wrong that it was my ego rearing its ugly head, not my true self. So it’s all about accepting my faults and learning from them.
I’ve been trying to recognize my ego speaking more often lately too now. I guess that does help to put it into perspective, many of my mistakes have come from my ego wanting a boost… Thanks for this note!
It’s alot of practice and mediation. And realizing we’re all human and make mistakes, also it’s not about fixing the problems it’s realizing it and learning. Constant learning
It really depends on what we’re trying to forgive ourselves for how difficult it’ll be for us. If others won’t forgive us for doing unforgivable acts, we should question why should we?
I agree, there can be a vast gray area when it comes to forgiveness. But let’s say it’s something easily forgiveable from others’ point of view. Even then it’s still hard for me to forgive myself and move on…
Exactly
Thanks, it seems we are almost on same wavelength
It is nice to know others have struggled and overcame the same problem. It gives me hope to know that I can, too. 🙂
It is very hard,but taking baby steps makes it easy! 🙂
Forgiveness is a life lesson that, I feel, is the most difficult to learn. Everyone has an ego and if they can learn to control it and set it aside, forgiveness can be much easier. Most importantly, if someone is forgiving someone for something that they have done, they also have to forget. Throwing the situation back at them after an increment of time of forgiveness can be detrimental to the longevity of a true relationship. Great post!
Very tough
me too, my friend, me too.
I’ve just commented on Jennifer Arimborgo’s blog about this very thing. Using ultimate frisbee as a relatively safe example in my life. I can focus on the strengths of other players in my team, and on opposing teams, celebrating their good plays and encouraging them to learn from but also move on from their mistakes. When it comes to my own play, I question poor pass decisions, or plays where I might have gotten a D, or where my conversation skills were lacking during a call (as ultimate is self-refereed this is one of the most important aspects of the game).
So to answer your question, I’m improving at forgiving myself. Being a follower of Jesus it’s important to recognise I will make mistakes – but so does everyone because we’re human. Forgiving myself for choices I make, especially when trying unfamiliar things, is the best way to encourage myself to learn from those mistakes.
Thank you for your post of few words that sparked such fruitful responses from so many. 🧡