Hello everyone,
We are here to do some Sunday reading again. Welcome you all!
I want to discuss something I often struggle with today: acceptance.
I come from a family of government workers. In Turkey, a government worker can be a teacher at a public school, a doctor at a public hospital etc. When you work at a government institution, you are guaranteed for life. The state will not fire you and will protect you in your retirement too.
That also means a very predictable life. Often, such families become more inclined to predict everything in life and when something unpredictable happens, they overreact. Coming from such a family, I grew up with that mentality too.
But then, I chose an unpredictable life path. I change interests and careers every now and then. I changed the country I live in etc. And yet, I sometimes still struggle with accepting changes when they don’t go my way. When the change is sudden but it is one that I want to have, then I don’t have a problem with that. I enjoy that kind of change. But if it is something that I do not want to have, it takes me a long time to accept it. Very biased. The ideal is that if I say I am adaptable to change, I should be in every case, but the human mind is biased, especially if you grew up in my kind of environment. For now, I take pride in at least being able to adapt to some kind of change, but I need to extend it to all kinds of change. That is when true acceptance comes in. Accepting whatever happens, with the belief that whatever happens is for your own good at the end.
How about you? Do you like changes? Do you adapt to changes more easily than others? If not, why do you think that might be? Let’s discuss acceptance today.
Reblogged this on To Write or not to Write and What to Write.
If you choose a change you already accepted it. How do you react when something goes your way that you didn’t choose. Choice and comfort aren’t necessarily always in the same place. It is all experience.
We don’t consciously choose all changes, though. For example, a friendship might end suddenly in a way that unpleasantly surprise you.
Best thing is to take it as experience, but coming to this level of understanding is a challenge at times.
Betul, I admit it, I am resistant to change. My family moved about every two or three years when I was growing up. My brother and sister enjoyed the adventure, but I wished for roots. I spent quite a few years of my adult life searching for the perfect small town like those I didn’t want to leave. I always got there too late. I have, however, had a very satisfying life with a variety of wonderful experiences and adventures in many beautiful places. I could never have imagined the wonderful life I have lived! I still think it is right to plan, even when nothing turns out according to plan. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your experiences in this thought-provoking post. <3 Have you been able to see your family yet? It has been over a year since I have seen my children. Soon, I hope!
We definitely need some roots somewhere. Without roots, our safety needs would be unsatisfied, which is also a challenge. But having too strongly rooted is also not desirable. It does not give you the wonderful experiences you have had:)
I have not seen my family yet. I won’t be able to see them this summer either. I miss them a lot:(
I’m so sorry about this Betul. It must be very hard being separated and unable to see family.
Yeah, but I got used to it, I think.
Being transgender brings a whole different level of acceptance! After all, some people are even against us using the restroom!
OH, yeah. How do you deal with constant sudden events and reactions? Kudos to you.
I like your definition: “… true acceptance comes in. Accepting whatever happens, with the belief that whatever happens is for your own good at the end.” It’s linked to faith. I do believe Jeremiah 29:11 “‘For I Know The Plans I Have For You’ Declares the Lord, ‘Plans to Prosper You and Not to Harm You, Plans to Give You Hope and a Future. ‘” So, with that in mind, I find change invigorating! I embrace it. https://janbeek.blog/2018/09/01/we-cant-resist-change/
Thanks for sharing! Yes, it is tied to faith for sure!
So true. Change is inevitable. Sometimes you do not like to change in certain circumstances and you wish to let that specific thing same forever. Yet again, life doesn’t work like that and change is vital for our betterment. Sometimes we love the changes and sometimes we don’t.
Yeah, and it is ok to not love the change sometimes. What is more important is, i think, accepting it, whether we like it or not.
Firm believer that life = change. It’s seldom easy, but it’s proof we’re living.
Yes!
Humans by nature resist change…but my life has been full of changes…locations .job profile…I have been changing every two years…it has been fun .yes family sometimes resists but then we all get used to it.
Regards
We resist change because it challenges our safety needs. But life is about growth as much as it is about stability. So we need change.
How do you like constant changes in your life yourself?
I just enjoy changes..like I said I have shifted locations at least every two years and changed my job profile every 4 to 5 years .
That is very nice really! It is a gift that most people need to consciously work on to learn.
Right..🙏🙏
What is it that they say about death and taxes?
Well, except for these two:)
Interesting questions there, Betul! Me, I enjoy change and find it invigorating except for when ‘good-byes’ are involved. Oooh, I do not like good-byes. Otherwise, bring it on!
Goodbyes are hard. I think I am the same too. Those changes are the hardest.
I’m not terribly fond of ‘change’ over all, only appreciating it when I see it righting some perceived wrong. I came from a generation growing up that did not have all of this technology – we were happy to have electric typewriters! – but change tends to happen around us and we are forced to adapt whether we want to or not. I suspect that most of us are most comfortable when we’re within our “roots” – what we grew up with, what we’ve known for many years. When I do decide a change needs to happen, it is an investment in myself that I believe, once completed, will bring something better to the people whose lives I touch.
I believe life is about some constance so we can feel safe but it is also about growth, which means change. We have a tendency to want safety but we are also meant to get bigger and better. That is when adaptation and acceptance come in.
Change. Oh boy! Well, I’ve figured out that it doesn’t matter how I feel about change; it’s
going to happen. God has great plans for us. I try to accept that. Some times are harder than others.
Same! I resisted it for so long and they still happened. Now I am trying to accept that change will happen anyway.
change is always been hard to accept ♥️ …. but once you accept it ..life becomes simple
Exactly!
yes! 🙂
An interesting post. I did not grow up in a world in which our lives were predictable. Accepting and adapting to change have never been an option for me, but rather a way of survival.
So you don’t mind changes?
Also how does this affect your sense of safety?
Some changes have never been easy for me. Some have upended my life. As a woman, I have never felt safe when navigating public spaces.
Yeah, change is frightening initially. Getting to the unknown is not something that the human brain likes.
Funny, the one constant in life is change, and that is reflected everywhere we look in nature. But all systems, humans included resist change, some more than others. The more I meditate on acceptance, the more I am able to move with the tides than try to push the river. Easier said than done. Thank you for inviting this conversation.
That is a good point! Yeah, things always change but we still resist it. Our safety need is very strong indeed. It took me years to come to peace with changes. Oh well, as you say, it is easier said than done.
May be it is to be in control is what you like, at the moment as when it is change you want your ok.
All you need to remember is that it is ok not to be in control every now and then, as brand new opportunities may come about.
Yeah, the need to control is the result of our need to be safe. We need to let that go.
Welcome to 2020-2021! The hugest changes I’ve ever seen. When change happens some things dissolve because of progress or evolution, yet those wonderful experiences always stay with us to be recalled, in conversations with others or by yourself laughing aloud when nobody else is listening.
Yes! I think these two years have taught us more than ever!
Great thread, Betul! Change triggers flight or fight mechanisms. Heard that status quo is a kind of death and when change happens it starts breaking up outdated systems, what we call chaos until status quo happens again. Here’s a quote I ran across yesterday:
Hell is living in survival, and you either live in survival or you live in creation. Living in creation is such an elegant moment because we have to disconnect from everything known. And you have to get so present that time is no longer of the essence, you are in the internal present moment.
~Dr. Joe Dispenza, DC, neuroscientist, lecturer, author
I love the quote! It sounds so peaceful!
Also interesting perspective on status quo and chaos. Never thought of it that way.
Yeah, he’s pretty amazing. I find it comforting to learn that something backwards is actually normal for a change.
I’m absolutely terrible at change. Afraid to try anything new, I usually remain in poor situations for years, unless I implode and ruin my life 🙁
Been there. It takes a lot of constant work to get used to a different mentality on this.
Sometimes the most difficult thing is accepting that other people do not accept you.
Yeah! That is when it becomes vital to accept ourselves first.
Change is vital in our growth and development, yet it is so painful most of the time. I changed countries and jobs, it made me a stronger individual but it’s not easy. I am learning to embrace those kind of things, still lots of things are outside my reach. Cultures are hard to accept as I have to change my point of view dramatically while trying to keep my identity.
I know how all of these feel. I think the first two years I moved to the US, I still was questioning many things here. I was still not adapted to it. It takes time.
yeah, ans if you are particularly stubborn it takes even more time lol
Things change all around us.
Whether we want it or not, accept it or not, this is a natural occurrence.
In fact, we ourselves are a consequence of change.
Our animal ‘foundation’ is the result of natural evolution.
Our human ‘superstructure’ is the result of cultural evolution.
Each of our own selves is the result of the innumerable interactions we have ‘survived’ along our lives.
What is really hard to accept, indeed, is that our contribution to what we are today has been decisive, indeed, but more of a ‘reactive’ nature. We like to think about ourselves as having shaped our future when in reality we’ve only adapted ourselves to what had been presented to us. We had done what we had been able to with what we had at our disposal.
We had, in fact, adapted ourselves to the change which had been forced upon us.
And shaped the world in the process!
Very good points! We indeed need to see that things are already happening, whether we accept them or resist them. Accepting them just saves energy and time.
This post speaks a lot of volumes to me; I started out thinking about taking a predictable life path but I diverged because I wanted to get out on my own in life. Had lots of chaos and despair happen but I felt I learned a lot and grew a lot in that regard. Guess I don’t like a predictable life…it has had me try and experience many things.
Same here! That is how I managed to set up a life in another country and have had various experiences here. It is good but also we need to find a way to make ourselves feel safe as well.
I think change is difficult to accept the older we get, especially if it’s something we weren’t expecting. But personally I try to look at things as if it’s meant for my good. And if I’m able to do that, I have an easier time accepting change.
That is the mentality I am trying to make my default. Great job at already making it that!
This was such an amazing read. Thank you for sharing. Often times I’ve felt and experienced this exact feeling. I approached it with baby steps and I’m kind to myself if and when I experience it again. Thank you for your wonderful transparency.
Thanks for the kind words! Being kind to ourselves is a major ingredient in this process.
Good day. Yes! I definitely agree.
I think that as I age I become less open to change. In my 20’s I traveled the world and lived in many countries in Asia, Latin America and the Middle East. Now that I’m in my 30s I seem to get more easily flustered with things I don’t understand in a new place. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy traveling, but I think that if I were in a position to navigate my way through a visa procedure in a country where I could not understand the language I would get flustered and overwhelmed. I’m pretty open to change regarding other things so maybe it’s just that I am done with country hopping in this life. This was a post that made me very pensive and I enjoyed the read.
Sometimes if we do something too much, we get tired of it. Maybe it is just that. Keep some change in your life!
I enjoy change…I believe it helps me grow as a person.
Same!
I try to live by the philosophy of accepting the things I cannot change, changing the things I can and understanding the difference. Sometimes, it means accepting changes that I cannot control.
That is the best way!
It depends. If change is for the sake of change, I don’t agree with that because it’s not always for the best.
So change has to serve a purpose for you?
Not really but it helps. To me, it makes it more worthwhile.
In my late early 20’s, I gave my self to a lot of personal development material which taught me that change is the only constant thing in life and to a larger degree, I have been an initiator of change in my own life. It is a little challenging to me now that my life is at a point where the change required is the transformation of my own self.
Acceptance is something we all struggle with at one point or another in our lives and what I am learning on my journey of soul healing and personal transformation is that our ability to accept, is based largely on what area in our lives the change speaks to and how sensitive the area is.
Very well-said!
Half of my family are like yours and the rest are nomads. Each side looks at the other as though they were aliens! I like change and really prefer when I don’t initiate it.
Hmm, interesting! I prefer to initiate changes:)
Even I grew up in a family like yours, but strangely I am totally opposite, need to have changes.
Nothing excites me more than the freshness of new turns in my life.
If nothing else I need to get out for few days to new destinations and I love travelling alone .
I think I have this tendency too, though I struggle at times. That is why I made some big changes in my life. But I get scared at times.
Hi Betul, thanks for your thoughts. BTW, I really want to go to Turkey one day! On the piece: I think I am pretty adaptable, and I think change is USUALLY good (I only say “usually” because I hate to use absolutes, but I can’t really think of an example of a case where change was bad! Maybe give me some ideas if you think of any? 🙂 ). On the subject of bias, I absolutely agree we are all biased! We can’t help it! Our experiences, the lessons we learn at home, with our families as kids — they shape our brain. I think bias is inevitable, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. It simply is what it is. Bias is the SUBconscious thinking that we have little to no control over. What matters is what we do with our fully conscious thinking, in my opinion 🙂
You should go to Turkey!
I think change is bad if it is too often, but even then, I am not sure. And I also think that we should make peace with our biases. They are what guides us in life. It is unique to us.
Someone had to say it so thank you for placing it so kindly yet to the point
Thank you!:)
Pleasure
I’m a person who finds it easy to offer thoughts to others on coping with change, or being ok not being ok with it as it initially happens. When it comes to change in my own life it’s starkly black and white, and doesn’t seem to follow a logical form as to which one it is. Sometimes I’m fine with it, even if it’s a change I didn’t choose. I roll with it and manage as best I can. Other times I break down and require several days doing quite literally nothing to be able to process and come to terms with it, even if I have been the driver of that change.
Thank you for this post, and your thought provoking questions.