“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.”
― CARL JUNG
I spent most of my adult life trying to avoid suffering. It made everything worse. I spent my days waiting, hoping for my knight in shining armour. The funny thing is she existed, I just didn’t have the courage to ask her for help. I was too afraid to challenge my beliefs.
I also didn’t understand the paradoxical nature of change. The fact that you have to first accept who you are, that you have to first accept your life circumstances.
Which is hard, of course. I mean, how could I accept what my demons were telling me? How could I accept that what I really believed, was that I wasn’t capable – that I wasn’t worthy?
I tried in desperation to whip myself into something I wasn’t. I tried to kill that part of myself and in the process became consumed by it. Depression took a firm grip and I found myself drowning. In my attempts to fight, I only sunk deeper.
Eventually I gave up altogether.
Yet, it was only when I finally let go that I started to see something. What’s already there is there, so why fight it? To fight your demons, to resit them – is not only futile, it makes things worse.
Attempts to kill your demons makes them scream louder. It’s hating those parts of yourself that gives them strength. It’s only by embracing your demons, by having the courage to hold them in your heart, that you will start to see change.
And it won’t be that those demons go away. They won’t. What changes is your relationship to them. Suddenly they become part of you. You see both the light and the dark side. You come to understand them. You start to see where they’ve really come from.
That is insight.
And because your demons feel heard, they start to soften. They don’t feel the need to scream for oxygen anymore. It’s no different to a child who is shown love after a long period of neglect. Of course that’s all that the inner-child deep down in all of us wants – to be heard, to be held, to be loved.
I believe life’s biggest lesson is acceptance. For who we are, for life in all it’s fucked up glory, for, ultimately, our own mortality and that of those we love.
That’s why I suggest making it part of your morning prayer or meditation ritual. Find ways, design habits, whatever you have to do to cultivate an extreme sense of gratitude for who you are and what you have in this moment. It’s not easy, of course. I get it. It is something you have to practise everyday.
That’s not to say one shouldn’t act. No, that’s resignation. Resignation is choosing not to act when you can make a change. Resignation is choosing to believe the false narratives in your head instead of looking deeply. Resignation is believing that you can’t be helped, when you can. I know all about resignation.
Acceptance is something very different.
Acceptance is about acknowledging your demons, it’s not about letting them dictate the terms. Acceptance is about having discipline to face your current reality as it stands, to own up to it.
You need to let your demons know you hear them, then go ahead and do what you know is right. That includes asking for help if you need it. That includes processing your grief. There is no shame in this. In fact, that’s exactly what courage is.
Now here’s the paradox.
What follows a fear to accept is a fear to act. What follows the courage to accept is the courage to act. If you do that, you’ll find your demons switch shoulders. You’ll find you’re driven by them, not burdened by them. You’ll find your demons are everything to you – they’re what give your life it’s ultimate meaning. Once that happens, you’re not just going through the motions. You’re not just doing a job. It’s far deeper than that.
From radical acceptance comes meaningful action.
That’s why we need to infuse our existence with as much meaning as we can. In the way we interact with others. The way we play with our children. The way we hold our partners. Even in seemingly small or mundane tasks. If you look deeply, you can access peace in every moment by giving it meaning.
I can’t stress that point enough.
We need meaning in our lives, because that’s what gives us hope. It’s what helps us to guard against nihilism. The more meaning you find in life, the more meaningful you believe your life is – the more peace and joy and love you will find in it. The most powerful way to do that is give meaning to your suffering.
If you do, you’ll realise your demons were trying to lead you from darkness all along. You’ll look down and realise, your shadows are made from light.
You’ll realise, your demons are your angels as well.
HELPLINES, SUICIDE HOTLINES, AND CRISIS-LINES FROM AROUND THE WORLD
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You can find AP2’s personal blog here at: https://clear-air-turbulence.com
You can also find him on Twitter at: @AnxiousPilot
Thanks for this blog! Great insight into the human condition. I used to choose to suffer but now embrace joy despite rough times. Keep up the great work!
Thank you. I believe we must embrace all emotions if we are to find joy. If you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain. Wishing you well 🙏
“Humanity, living forms of energy engaged in a conspiracy between life and death, right and wrong, dark and light.” Rakh Sector
That is deeply profound. Thank you for sharing it Doug 🙏
I love this so much!!!!
🙏
I think it’s a valuable lesson to stop trying to “conquer” fear and anxiety. They’re part of us, just as the times we’re glowing with confidence and joy. It’s healthier to sit down (so to speak) with those fears and anxieties, and talk with them, learn from them. Acknowledge their place within you.
I agree with you Dave. I learnt the hard way that you really have to allow yourself to feel those icky emotions. You’ve got to let your emotions play out – through the high and the low – otherwise you end up getting stuck on one note. Thank you for sharing your thoughts 🙏
Very well penned! I like your quote at the beginning and the sentence at the end substantiating the quote. Just lovely.
The following thoughts are profound.
“Acceptance is about having discipline to face your current reality as it stands, to own up to it. True… once we accept an immence load is lifted and the healing begins.
Thank you for your kind words. Yes I do believe acceptance is the path to healing 🙏
You nailed it AP2. Thank you for your inspirational words of wisdom. Ari
Thank you Ari. I appreciate your kind words 🙏
Great points.
Nothing is inherently bad.
It is all perception.
Our perception is everything. Thank you 🙏
Agree with the thoughts presented here. Recently, I started writing daily gratitude posts on my blog. It shows me where I am still crtical of myself.
I agree that we are like a tree, whose roots should be strong and long enough in the darkness of earth. Only with strong roots, the tree can grow upwards and give its shade to others.
Gratitude is the virtue that unlocks all others. Don’t stop! Thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment 🙏
wow
‘You’ll realize, your demons are your angels as well.’ Loved this line. Beautifully written and loved the idea of embracing our whole selves. Looking forward to reading more from you.
Thank you so much. I’m pleased you enjoyed the post. I look forward to hearing from you again in the future 🙏
Very nice
🙏
Thanks
I agree. This spoke to my demons. I tell them they are worthy too. Thank you for this blog!
I’m pleased you found value in my words Tessandra. I do believe embracing our demons and giving meaning to our pain is the path to healing. Wishing you well 😂
Relatable! All humans have experienced self-doubts, disappointments, and regrets. These “demons” can destroy us if we allow them to. This helpful post teaches us the steps we need to take to deal with our demons effectively. Great post, AP! <3 Have a pleasant week!
Thank you Cheryl – you too! 🙂🙏
Thank you for this, AP2! 🕊
Hey Snap! Good to hear from you! Thank you for saying so. I hope you’re doing well 🙏
Doing well, my friend! Same to you. 🕊