Hello! Wishing everyone a good Sunday and a good week!
The dominant topic this past week has been how to save energy for me. Namely, how do I save my energy so I can be a better version of myself? I have been thinking about this longer but this week was the action time. What did I do? I cut some people off.
I looked at everyone in my life and thought whether this person is helping or improving me more than they take my energy for no reason. I cut two major influences in this way and it was not easy. One is a romantic interest, who was just doing too little for me to be involved in. Intentional or not, it looked like bread-crumbing. So, I deleted that contact because I realized, I was using more mental energy for that than I would love to. Then, maybe even a harder decision was a close friend of mine. She helped me a lot in the past and then I helped her a lot. She was a great resource for me in many ways. But somehow, I felt like if I didn’t put in the effort to be in contact with her, we would not have been so close. So, I tested this and did not contact her for a while. Surprise, she did not, until she needed me to take care of her kids. Then, she contacted me. So, I decided that I do not want this kind of dynamic in my life. This second one was much harder but I think it was necessary (for this time, at least).
After all of this, honestly, I feel a lot more joyful and happy. I feel like all my energy stays with me at all times. Maybe this is the biggest step I have taken for my self-care.
Have you done things like this? How did it feel? What other things do you do to save your energy?
Reblogged this on To Write or not to Write and What to Write.
I also delete people I don’t like. I am peculiar about my energy too… Its better for our own physical and mental health.
I was not exactly like this all the time, but I felt the need to be. It feels good.
I have also ended friendships for the reason that you have done, and it is honestly a good form of self care!
Yeah! It is new for me!
My life is full of people who do not contact me. I have to do all the outreach and it always ends up on their terms.
I am getting tired of being advised by my wife that I have to make the effort. I disagree. I figure I should not need to make *all* the effort and ideally I should be at around 50%. I don’t feel “used” so much as I feel “unimportant.” Those people eventually become unimportant to me.
I also did the outreach a lot of times and recently, I kind of set people on trial. i went silent and saw who would reach out to me if I did not. Now, I want to keep those that actually did.
Individuals who live off of our energies are real life vampires. I was once forced to let go of such a friendship.
Yeah.
Rise to meet situational energy; and the rest¡ Saver makes target!
💪
Mental strength allows for physical well being.
It does!
I’m going through this right now. How to be a compassionate friend to someone, while also preserving my own mental health.
Yes, exactly that!
Yeah, I did it to my late boyfriend. I admit that he helped me a lot to go through my darkest day and I also did my best to always be by his side. But, he can be over protective and selfish. There’s a time when he controled me too much and I don’t like this kind of attitude.
That is what I was like with my friend. She helped me a lot during my difficult times and then I her. But now, it does not seem like a good dynamic. So, you paid for each other’s help. If it does not help anymore or is making you feel worse, it is better to let go.
Yes, I did just recently. Thanks to the pandemic (a positive side I’ve realized), how communication is very important. Ever since the pandemic started, I haven’t felt my friend’s presence nor has she ever tried asking how I was doing. I know there are some friends who are not that active to chat/text but to me (I can forgive that but during a pandemic?!). She sent a group message last July just updating us that she and her boyfriend broke up but that was it. For me, communication is very important in a friendship. It’s a big part of how a relationship grows. I feel indifferent to her already. I don’t message unless she messages me first.
Yeah, unless someone is making an individualized effort, we should let it go.
I laud your decision to remove people from your life who are not worth your energy and time. As painful as it may be, it’s for the best. You are a Dr after all, so time is precious 😉
Thank you🤗
Well, I tend to allocate the amount of energy I have only to the things I feel important and reflective. I chose to neglect the close cousin contact that I had which was draining me emotionally and filled with loose talks. And I don’t regret for my choices.
Kudos! I was not like that, but I am turning into this. I think it is healthier!
I have had to do this. It’s so painful when it’s a relative. I still love those people, but try to not have too many interactions with them, lest I lose my mind!
It is hard, but what needs to be done needs to be done.
I have done similar things in my life many times, and I think I probably felt a lot like you did. It was conflicting, but in the end, I think it was good.
Yeah, I am honestly proud of myself recently.
I used to spend time maintaining contacts. I no longer do so. I don’t want to be the person who keeps a contact alive anymore. If I am not in someone’s world, so be it. I find it much more interesting to become involved with new contacts and seeking connections with those who want to share the work of keeping friendship alive.
Great post!
Yeah, that sounds like where I am getting at too. And I am 100% sure it is the right direction. Kudos to you for doing that!
Really a good and inspirational post. We must also learn not everything in our lives is permanent. As we grow in God, certain things in life, we must learn to delete. Like some old habits, phone numbers, and yes, even people. In your garden or yard, from time to time, you have to get rid of the rocks, weeds, and pests thwarting or destroying your plants’ growth. Similarly, in your Christian walk, you have to allow God to remove the things hindering your spiritual growth. (Hebrews 12:1-3) In this race, not everyone you start with will finish with you. Some people you lose because they are not in the flow of God’s purpose for your life. Unlike Ruth, not everyone is allied to your purpose. (Ruth 1:16-17) In order to become strengthened and established, more fully in your spiritual destiny, certain things need to go. With this is mind, I applaud your decision.
And that means trust in God’s handling of the process.
Close friends are the hardest to cut out of your life. I’ve cut out a few friends over the years but there are 2 that I know I should cut out but I can’t bring myself to follow through because when I ghost them they guilt trip me, or I get too lonely and talk to them again.
Well, yeah, that can happen. I think it is important to really stick to your decision and constantly remind yourself of why you made that decision. That helps me.