On the philosophy of loving and losing

Happy Sunday to my fellow bloggers and blog-lovers. In my corner of the world, it feels like summer is jussst around the corner. I’m not sure about you, but I’ve been feeling a little drained lately. There’s a pile of things pulling me in all different directions today. So in lieu of that, I’m going to share with you something that really fills my cup.

Poetry, written by yours truly.

But first, I’d like to share a little more about myself. Since I joined in 2019, Pointless Overthinking has grown over 5,000 subscribers—thank you all! We’ve also added a few new writers to our team. Welcome to the our new readers, and welcome back to our OG readers 🙂

My pen name is e.l. jayne. I keep it lowercase for the emphasis to be on my words and not my name. Sometimes you’ll see me sign off as “<3E” as in “Love, E.”

But I also go by “Elle” so if you’re reading this you’re let in on the secret and you can choose to write to me as either 🙂

Last autumn was hard. Luckily, I managed to pull myself out of a (not to use it lightly) depressive rut since then. I’ve been certified in proposal management, became the Director of Marketing & Communications for the World Trade Association of Utah, and have some great news to share with you all when the time is right.

I’ve been working hard this year. So hard I forgot to press pause. Or maybe I was fearful to fall back into a depressive rut again. But, everyone doesn’t need me all the time. I also need to take time to pause.

Something that really helps me pause is by writing poetry. I’ve been writing almost daily since 2018 after I picked up a copy of Fernando Pessoa’s “A Little Larger Than The Entire Universe” in Lisbon, Portugal. Thanks to him and his many pseudonyms piquing my interest.

Hopefully this wasn’t too long of an introduction to get to the purpose of this post. But I wanted to give some more background to myself for our newer readers.

I wrote this poem about a month ago. I wrote it about the art of loving and losing. And how it fascinates me that people freely choose to read sad stories, watch sad movies, and listen to sad music. None of us want to feel alone in our suffering. And that’s the beautiful thing, we’re not alone.

The poem I’m sharing with you today is called Fact or Fiction:

It begs the question, do you believe it’s better to have loved and lost, or to never have loved at all?

Do you believe love is a worthy suffering? Would you start loving someone even if you knew your time together was bound to be cut short?

I’m quite interested to hear you guys think about this. Love is a crazy thing. We all value it deeply, but we all have such different definitions and expectations of it.

Also, if you enjoyed my poetry and would like me to publish more of it on here, let me know. My personal blog is dedicated to my poetry but I’m thinking about posting more of it on here to spark some interesting conversations.

Thank you all 🙂

To check out my poetry blog, visit http://www.poemsandprose.travel.blog

#poetryisnotdead


25 thoughts on “On the philosophy of loving and losing

  1. Nice, e.l……I especially liked the line, ‘Captivated by the cracks and crevices in another’s soul’……
    My blog is all about the cracks and crevices in my own soul…..take a look? juliejotsbonjour.com

  2. Great poetry! About love, I’m starting to think the problem is just mine. The woman I was married to left me. We’re still friends. She said it was because we were in business together. In some ways, I still feel the loss, partly because I haven’t found anyone to be with. There have been times in my past when I thought that it was not worth the experience. It wasn’t better to have loved and lost, even though I raised a step daughter and a biological daughter. sounds harsh. I love my girls. But my mind was just that tainted. I was so very sad. Now, I’m still single and feel that having my daughters are worth any cost. Still being friends with my ex is alright. At the divorce, we sat at the same table in the courtroom. The judge had never seen that. I said we were both nervous and needed support. Afterwards, we went out for pizza and beer at one of our spots on the lake. We’ve been split for ten years. She’s with someone special and isn’t really available as a friend anymore. I’m still looking. I guess looking is a good sign. Finding would be better! When I do, I’ll probably say, “It’s better to have loved and lost…” But for now, it’s alright to be neutral, I’m thinking.

    1. picturing you both in the courtroom for your divorce hearing at the same table brings tears to my eyes… I haven’t heard of that either. That seems very mature of you both and I’m glad you were both able to be there for each other, even going for pizza and beer at one of your favorite spots on the lake. it’s almost heartbreaking but at the same time very heartwarming. you were able to raise a family together, you have 2 beautiful daughters, and seems like you have a lifelong friend in each other, even if it’s not one of those friends you see or talk to regularly. I also love your take on not having to decide about love, but rather to be neutral about it. I think that’s very fair. I’ve also realized recently in my life that some things don’t always need an answer right away, sometimes you’ll know better when the time for an answer is needed. best of luck to you and kudos for keeping your head held high, and especially for setting a great example for a healthy ending of a chapter between 2 people for your daughters. divorces don’t always have to be so messy. thank you for sharing <3E

  3. Hmmm … I don’t freely read sad stories (still haven’t watched Titanic). I do believe it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Seems nothing is forever, so enjoy the moments. If you can find the courage to trust again, love again – you are fortunate.
    The last lines resonate with me … it’s best to get to know people right before your departure. I believe there is less risk at that time – and it takes less courage. I don’t have a lot of courage. But I can ride an 8 minute chair lift, and at the 7th minute start a conversation. I know it’s ending soon – very little risk.
    Your words so often find my heart Elle – keep writing !!✍️💛🌻🌞

    1. I agree it’s better to enjoy the moments you can because nothing lasts forever. You do have lots of courage, more than many, you just need to believe that too. Love you!

  4. The essence of love is also loss, for it is in its loss that love’s sweetness stands clear. We do not grow if we do not experience love in that chest-crushingly painful way that love has of twisting our insides when things go awry. To love is to seek pain, to accept pain. To live is to set oneself up to receive this pain over and over again. And to become stronger and more deeply loving each time. This is the meaning of life. Tennyson’s quote is of course true, but it is deeper than that. To never love, to never suffer, is to never live. Loving is why we are here, and love is the meaning of God.

    1. That’s such a great quote. It really makes it clear that it’s better to have loved and lost than never at all. Loving is why we’re here, and accepting the pain and suffering that comes with it is really part of the bigger picture. If you can grow and learn to love more deeply, that’s all that matters. Thank you for sharing these very healing words with me. <3E

  5. Thank you, Elle, for sharing your writing with us. With regard to whether it is better to have loved (even when we know that it must end), this is made easier when we realize the truth that our human life is but a dream within a dream.

    1. Hi Russel, thanks for sharing that. I agree with your metaphor there. Or rather not a metaphor, but a description of what actually is. Reality is an illusion. I guess that does help me detach from pain and suffering in some way. Thanks for reading! <3E

      1. Hi Elle,

        You’re very welcome! Yes, you got it–not a metaphor, but, rather, reality–relatively real. The realization, directly known, helps us detach from the apparent suffering of the “character” we have assumed ourselves to be. Keep writing! 🙂

  6. Elle, I value all the experiences of my life and the people I have loved and lost. I had two eighteen-year marriages.The first marriage, with a daughter, ended in an amicable divorce, the second in my husband’s death. I was single for twelve years while raising my children from the second marriage. Robert and I have been together for eight years. I agree that, “Love is a worthy suffering!” 🙂

    Thank you for sharing your experiences and your lovely poem. Congratulations on your new certification. Wishing you the best! <3

    1. Hi Cheryl, thank you for sharing your story here. It’s encouraging that you agree love is a worthy suffering even after all you’ve dealt with. And you’ve still managed to make the best of it and to love again. That is beautiful. Thank you for reading and best of luck to you <3E

  7. When I am deep in the heartache of a loved that is lost, I have def pondered this same question. I have even believed that to have nvr loved at all leaves a person unaware what they nvr were able to experience so there for with that tremendous pain deep in my soul ripping it’s way thru my insides and surfacing by gnashing bone and scratching it’s way out of my skin, ignorance would have to be the BETTER of the choices. After my tortured heart has began to heal and I can begin to find comforts in things in the world to some degree and then small joys in private moments the choice always reverses it’s way bk to YES LOVE and lose again. Risk it again. Fight for it again. Protect it again. Long for it, cry for it, sacrifice All over Again for LOVE. Nothing else on earth and nothing we are given opportunity to feel/experience/have in this human life is worth anything more than a passing subliminal effort except for LOVE. Love is the only reason to go thru this wild hard existence. With out love, our lives would have no purpose. Romantic love, parental love, platonic love, agape love, self love, love of nature, love of music and art, love of any and all kinds is what this whole journey is about. And of course how could we ever actually fully get to experience and /feel love to the greatest possible magnitude unless we hadn’t or have to eventually also experience the painful feeling of soul shattering loss. You must have one in order to know the other. In our darkest moments of losing a love that no matter the type or time or level to which we had it matched it can be hard to say to ourselves or anyone else that we’d willingly go thru this emotional beating for any reason ever again. No way possible we could ever survive this amt of trauma and deviation and live through it 2 times! Life tho, makes love always able to erase some of the sharper edges, and recall more of the fonder memories and hope for more opportunities. Love makes life worth all of it.

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