It is just a thought, but it can help

Hello!

Last Sunday, I moved to my new apartment in a new city, where I will be working at my new job. There is a lot of new. I am obviously very joyful at my new start and honestly, this new start feels like a full one. It is a complete reset of life. My first 9-5 job, my first self-rented and decorated apartment etc. Many things are different than what they used to be like in my life before.

I am very excited about this new phase in my life, but I have had some mixed feelings in adaptation this week. This is the first time I do not have roommates and feelings of loneliness were triggered. (Mind you, I had a lot of friends back in LA, where I lived before moving). This, of course, triggered some thoughts of me not having a family of my own yet and how I came close to it last year but it ended up ruining me for months (but then, reinventing me afterwards!). I kept telling myself that I have everything else I wanted right now, so it is ok to not have exactly everything (some things can be missing). But I still felt bad and went over the timeline of my relationship that fell off last year and cried more.

I spent some time like this. I realized that I was convinced that it was getting late to have a family of my own and I was way behind schedule. Then two things helped me get to a better place. First, I told myself that this is indeed a very fresh start for me (even my move to the US from Turkey did not feel this fresh), so take it as the beginning of a new life, so I am not late. I am just starting. Second, I came across a video that said (as if it was speaking to me) that everyone has a different timeline and uniquely so. I still feel a bit broken not to have my friends or family here, but these thoughts helped me a lot.

So, this reminded me of how important the way we think is. It is important to shape our thought process in the right direction to get ourselves out of a loophole. If one attempt does not work, try a new way. It happened with me. Thinking I have everything already did not help but other thoughts helped in this situation. Keep in mind that there will be some thought process that will help you. Keep trying until you find what works.

Are you aware of your thoughts? Do you try to shape them? Does it help? Let’s discuss the idea that we shape our thoughts and then our thoughts shape us today.

Betul


39 thoughts on “It is just a thought, but it can help

  1. Thank you for sharing this post with us, Betul. Yes, I strongly believe in being aware of the thoughts I’m attracting. It can make a huge difference in the quality of our life. Be the guardian at the gate of your mind. πŸ™

  2. Congratulations on your move and new job, Betul! That is a huge step. And yes, as someone who choose to have kids as a single person at age 46 and 50 after I got divorced, I can tell you for sure that we all have different timelines and it all works out! I agree with you though that the way we look at it matters and sets the tone for discovery and invention in our lives. Great post!

    1. Maybe everything works out when we stop expecting and start receiving what is given. Giving up expectation that X should happen at this time, Y at that time etc. You got your own time line, as all of us do.

  3. β€œLive the Life of Your Dreams
    When you start living the life of your dreams, there will always be obstacles, doubters, mistakes and setbacks along the way. But with hard work, perseverance and self-belief there is no limit to what you can achieve.” – Roy T Bennett

  4. You suggested, “Let’s discuss the idea that we shape our thoughts and then our thoughts shape us today.” Well, I have to say that your post today is certainly a perfect example of how that concept played out in your life. In my life, I can tell you that an attitude of adventure, a willingness to step outside my comfort zone, and a heart for risk-taking have certainly served me well. Way back 60 years ago, I left my home, my family & friends, my job, my language, and my identity behind. I bravely married the man I was sure God intended for me (even though I hadn’t seen him in six months), and moved from CA to Germany. I shaped my thoughts (with God’s help) into new zones and possibilities – and those thoughts propelled me into experiences that positively changed my life forever. Thank you for sharing how those attitudes are propelling you forward, too. God bless you in your new apartment, new job, new life! <3

    1. It is such a brave thing to do for you and how it worked out! Indeed, our thoughts really are the core of our perspective and our perspective often aligns with how life unfolds.

      1. Yes, forgot to say, good luck, Betul! Thanks for giving us some food for thought as well as an update. A big apartment in a new city with no roommates or pets can be lonely…my recommendation is to find the local library quickly! If making new friends take a while, new books can fill the gap! :^)

  5. Congratulations on the move to the new apartment! Steering away from self-judgement is so important in my opinion as well – we’re all on our own timelines and that’s okay. I like your phrase – “shaping thoughts”. That makes a lot of sense! Thank you for sharing your feelings.

  6. Lovely post. Thank you for sharing.
    I like, ” It is important to shape our thought process in the right direction to get ourselves out of a loophole. If one attempt does not work, try a new way.”
    I believe in “try, try and try again, till I succeed”.
    Although it has taken me a long time, I now believe that there is a right time for everything. And when the right time comes, everything seems to fall in place. Makes me wonder why did I stress myself over what I wanted or thought needed to happen.
    I wish you all the best in your new way of life.

    1. I know that feeling. I think we stress out because we are not patient and want things to be done quickly. And we want this because it makes us feel secure when things are ‘the expected way’. What do you think?

      1. I like, “And we want this because it makes us feel secure when things are β€˜the expected way. What do you think?”
        I tend to expect things to happen when my family or friends have tried hard and have done everything in their power to make something happen. And when their efforts are not rewarded, I feel stressed, annoyed, or helpless.
        For example, my son had set his heart on becoming a physician from childhood, had excellent grades in the pre-med program, good MCAT score, worked hard on his essay, etcand had applied to many med schools. But, wasn’t successful in securing a seat in any med school for quite some time. (I am proud that he got in and has specialized in critical care and pulmonary diseases.)
        Alhough, now I know there is a right time for everything, no matter how long it takes, it doesn’t stop me from stressing about an outcome every now and then.

      2. Yes, that stress happens often. It is something I believe we will work on forever as humans, but we can get better at handling it each time. I am also happy for your son’s success!

      3. I like, “And we want this because it makes us feel secure when things are β€˜the expected way. What do you think?”
        I tend to expect things to happen when my family or friends have tried hard and have done everything in their power to make something happen. And when their efforts are not rewarded, I feel stressed, annoyed, or helpless.
        For example, my son had set his heart on becoming a physician from childhood, had excellent grades in the pre-med program, good MCAT score, worked hard on his essay, etc., and had applied to many med schools. But, wasn’t successful in securing a seat in any med school for quite some time. (I am proud that he got in and has specialized in critical care and pulmonary diseases.)
        Although, now I know there is a right time for everything, no matter how long it takes, it doesn’t stop me from stressing about an outcome every now and then.

  7. I have discovered that I don’t think on my own, as that would get in the way of my intuitive reaction to the immediate circumstances. As I have aged, I see the painting that my body and brain have been rendering and I see that while I can think about problems of others, I merely solve any problem that I have. My solutions seem to prove out OK, but I don’t think about them, merely trust my intuitive reaction. I know this makes no sense to most people.

    1. I kind of can see it because I have done it in the past. But there are not many people (me bing one of them) who can understand their intuitions or maybe trust them. You are unique!

  8. Congrats on this new chapter Betul! It’s easy to fixate on what we don’t have while forgetting what we do. This is human nature. It’s important to remind ourselves of the ways in which we are ahead of the game. Of course life isn’t perfect – it never works out quite how we expect it to. I think it’s important to challenge the thought but not the emotion. You are right to feel and let yourself feel sad. But equally right to change/challenge your perspective. All the best Betul πŸ™

  9. Excellent, A thought will continue to fill the immensity… A world full of delights written with corrosive flames understood by neural networks that will probably be read by some on earth:𝐂𝐀𝐃𝐀 πΓπ‰π€π‘πŽ 𝐐𝐔𝐄 π‡πˆπ„ππƒπ„ 𝐄𝐋 π‚π€πŒπˆππŽ 𝐃𝐄𝐋 π€πˆπ‘π„ 𝐄𝐒 𝐔𝐍 πŒπ”ππƒπŽ πˆππŒπ„ππ’πŽ 𝐃𝐄 πƒπ„π‹πˆπ‚πˆπ€π’ WHICH SEEMS TO REMAIN OPEN 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀 THE π‚πˆππ‚πŽ π’π„ππ“πˆπƒπŽπ’… lenient abstract thoughts, giving rise to pain and pleasure, the irreconcilable opposites that seem to fade away the desire to JUST KNOW ABOUT YOU… from what by situations gives the impression of fading away…
    A sensory memory that is what remains to me in an unfinished, unfinished, endless future… a brief and ephemeral lived memory of that which vibrates in the distance, from that moment when you presented yourself in an affable office, marvellous in your actions with a gleam in your eye… An experience of sensory life that is what remains for me… As I wander in this shared world, surrounding and my own among the flames of dim lights delighted with the joys of genius that to angels seems torment and madness, I can gather the proverbs of Nature from a divine young woman, of example to follow, an overwhelming personality, of impetuous emotion that catches me, that with only a few words behind this tiny screen injects life, to be not only a better professional but a better person… Sempiternal to remain in a future that seems bleak…Thoughts that sprout an idea with a certain prodigality …. Between Hybris and Sofrosine// Between Dionysus (life) and Apollo (reason) between a melody… and a PartagΓ‘s Serie E No.2 cigar, one of those medium-strong, intense woody, leathery, earthy, woody and pure tobacco cigars, with an extraordinary draw. The restraint and the length that opens up the human and dissolves it. The origin of tragedy. Enabled transformations that make possible a perspective in the understanding of the reasons why we end up being what we are// Dasein and death with Heidegger. Between Wagner and Schopenhauer… Between Bach and Mozart. The sane and madness. The tree of life… Jouissance. Memory. Pain. War and illness.

  10. I’m not sure about starting over, you have a lot of strength that comes from experiences in the past. Every day is a new story waiting to be told, the contents and how we tell the story depends on what our attention is focused upon. Great post!

  11. I agree with that last sentence, ‘we shape our thoughts and then our thoughts shape us’

    It feels more like, when we sow good, it comes back to us in good measure when we need it.

    Thank you for a beautiful reminder❀️

  12. Good luck with your job! I’m so happy for you. Yes, change can be scary, and living alone can be scary. Listen to the podcast 5 things I learned from 5 years living along by kalyn Nicholson on “kalyns coffee talk” podcast on castbox app.

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